My Birthdays Are Horrible.

My birthdays have never been an amazing thing. I've always tried to make them feel amazing, but for years now I have never gotten into the spirit of them. I guess that is because so far none of them have felt amazing.

Things like friends committing suicide, breaking my younger brothers leg (completely by accident!) and things such as that have always haunted me. The more normal thing is the total let down by friends I usually would consider 'close' to me.

Last year on my 18th, it went from 30 to 10 on the number of my 'friends' who turned up to the (already booked and paid for by confirmation number) dinner at the very last minute. You can imagine over 20 empty seats at a huge table in a fancy restaurant, and us all sitting at the very end. The friends who turned up only appeared through mostly for the free dinner. Most thought it was a social gathering. There was a lot of "Oh, it's your birthday?" going on. We had planned to go out afterwards, but with only ten people, most just went home and so I spent the later part of my evening sitting at home watching TV.

This year for my 19th, I arranged for a get together. I told none of them it was my birthday, to see if any of them would remember or twig what day I was arranging it on. In the end, only two showed up. My family remember (mum, dad and younger brother) while everyone else forgot, with Facebook reminders, and actual reminders. I had one Facebook birthday wish.

So now on my birthday, it has ended up in ME paying for us to go to a movie, with no word of anything from those friends of mine that they acknowledge its my birthday, no offer to help pay. Gifts I hardly care about, but an acknowledgement I would like. I mean, movies weren't expensive, seeing how I work there and get big discounts, but I felt it was the principal of the matter that I had no offer to help pay, or that it was a treat I was doing for my birthday.

I'm 19. The age to party, drink, go out and live life to the fill. Yet my friends me feel hardly bothered about anything like that, and that I hardly have reason to ever go out and party. If I feel like this now about birthdays, I can only wonder what I'd be like in the later years to come.
Alysha7 Alysha7
May 5, 2012