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My friends didn't care

The last time I had a party was when I was 7 you can read about what happened in another story by me (now uploaded, title: "Want to forget but can't"), I wanted people to make a fuss since I was 14 to which although I was an adult I still wanted attention because I didn’t feel important on the only day I could celebrate.

At the age of 18 (how sad was this) I bought myself a birthday card and asked friends and teachers to sign it because no-one had cared. A few years later when I turned 21 another important birthday I once again got myself a card and I asked people to sign it out of 20 people only 4 signed it 4!!! Those days were totally ruined and I was at college at the time and I thought **** it if I can’t have a day when no one cares then I might as well just go home and I left the class room sobbed in one of the abandoned rooms on the 3rd floor then went home and never came back that day I had even made the effort to drop the most easiest of hints I was desperate for someone to at least try, yet everyone seemed to be interested in something else.

I felt so unloved from my family, my friends seemed to have family things, I felt like smashing my head against a brick wall and just ending my life.

Once again my 22nd birthday no-one seemed to care, non of my friends sent one, even though after over 15 years together you would have thought they knew it. My younger brother was determined to ruin it which he did and I ended up sitting in the back garden crying, they made an effort with a cake which was good but only so they could ruin it and when I dug the knife into it, it burst like a balloon and nearly made me deaf and I just left the room in disgust oh and btw there was no real cake and no real love or care, I take many things to heart I thought maybe they had made an effort but no.

So what to do next April when I become 23, well I want my younger brother away from me because he will ruin it I don’t want my family there because they will ruin it, and tbh my friends aren’t going to bother anyway so I going to go somewhere away from them because if I stay and they do throw me a party it will be like Mr Krabs for his daughter Pearl and it will be so cheap that there will be a cake made out of cardboard and the rest I don’t want to think about.

I’m not asking for the world nor am I asking for rich kid toys like a quad bike or anything expensive I just want a birthday when people will care I think now the only true people I have are on EP

I never felt so upset in my life, and the birthday cards I asked my friends to sign in I still have but every time I read them I feel like just ******* accepting that nothing matters anymore with ppl.

All of my birthdays since my 6th have been horrible, nothing, zilch, as in it doesn’t even register in my happy times yet I am not happy because these years were wasted and I can’t do anything.

Admittedly on my 8th there was a clown (I never liked clowns they scared me) and a beast in a cage and this clown let the beast out of the cage I didn’t know at the time it was a quad suit and when I turned around because I was facing away from it because of my fear of the clown it came up behind me mounted me and then when I turned around I fainted.

I have decided that on my Birthday I just want to be alone because that way I know that nothing could go wrong and I would sing happy birthday to myself then cry.
AlphaMale19 AlphaMale19 22-25, M 3 Responses Jul 3, 2012

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I just came here after I realized how nobody gave a **** about my birthday this year. I'm relieved I'm not alone but I feel so bad for you. I experienced all that ''nobody actually showed interest'' thing and that hurts a lot. I thought I was being over-sensitive but you just explained it so well it convinced me of the fact that I'm normal. Yes ! We should all have our special day, when we feel appreciated and stuff. People are unbelievable, serioulsy, we give them the most desperate clues and they still don't bother. Next year I'm also offering myself a trip, thanks for the idea.

"your are clearly sensitive.... i wonder if you are male or female. i am male and sensitive... a difficult combination in the society that i grew up in... males where only supposed to be tough, hard, strong.... so i learned (without thinking about it) to be angry.... that hid my soft side.... but screwed me up even more."



when I read that quote from you, you seem to know my problem very well us males are meant to be tough people showing off and we hide our soft sides it makes me hurt to know that people don't want to see a guys soft side because then they will just make fun of us. totally understand the anger the only thing we can do I suppose because we blame ourselves for being treated like I feel that why should I care when no one else will. As far as I'm concerned if people not even close friends/family care about you the forget life I have felt like commiting suicide because of my birthday. I nearly suceeded on my 14th it was only my dad that stopped me from doing it. rescuing me @ the last minute I felt so close to death that I wanted to do it again on my 15th and nearly did it again but something held me back.

hello, lenmar019



oh, how i feel your pain and distress.



i had parties when i was young and in the years that my mother was in my life. and i realised very early on that my birthday was an excuse.... for my mother to be the centre of attention, to show of her new hairdo or new dress or the new wallpaper or her ability to be the gracious hostess..... not about me, i was just the frame for her well prepared oilpainting.



your are clearly sensitive.... i wonder if you are male or female. i am male and sensitive... a difficult combination in the society that i grew up in... males where only supposed to be tough, hard, strong.... so i learned (without thinking about it) to be angry.... that hid my soft side.... but screwed me up even more.



i am trying to give you examples that might help you to start understanding yourself better.......



................................. i sorted myself out through therapy. person-centred helped me t understand myself



.......................................and changes just seem to follow that increased understanding.



i hope this is of some help.



respect to you, from robbie

Respect to youy back my friend, I glad you understand if you haven't added me to your circle then please do and I will return the favour. I can't like everyone predict how I will be when my 23rd comes but rest assured that it will come I by the way am male and suffer from emotional problems.

ah.... emotional problems... yes, me too.... but, i got myself some therapy... and 80% sorted now. write to me privately if it helps, robbie