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I Have Birthday Bad Luck

I have come to dread my birthday.  For the most part, my birthday has been someone's afterthought; "Oh, yeah, right, it's her birthday... let's do something slapped-together and half-*** (if anything at all).  One year, my mom decided to invite my class last-minute instead of my actual friends, and since I was mainly a weirdo in school, everyone just got me puzzles (not lying, I got like 18 puzzles, some of them duplicates) and sat around looking uncomfortable celebrating a birthday for a classmate most of them hadn't really noticed.

As I've gotten older, it's just been forgotten. My 21st birthday, my mom took me out with some of her drinking buddies, got me drunk and then left me on her office sofa while she went out to finish the party.  Another birthday, I sat at home and watched a Xena marathon and ate squeezie cheese and crackers.  Another, I slept all the way through it; my mom called two days later to tell me happy birthday, and the only reason why she remembered was because I mentioned everyone forgetting to my aunt. Once, my mother insisted I come over to her house (after my sister told her it was my birthday), and she made me a cake, which my developmentally disabled brother had apparently taken a hunk out of with his bare hands before I got there.  I sat there staring at this mangled cake and wishing I could just disappear.

Now, I'm married.  And still, not a single person in my life ever extends themself to ask me what I'd like to do on my birthday.  It's still a freakin' afterthought.  I can't remember the last time anyone made or brought me a cake.. or kicked up a fuss.  A few months ago, I was out with a friend at a bar in Portland called Kells, and there was this huge group there, and this couple walked in and the whole long table of people got up and screamed SURPRISE! at the newcomer, and someone had ordered a cake, and there was all this revelry and celebration, and I just started crying. I had to go into the restroom, and weep because I was so effing jealous. I want to know what it's like to matter so much to people that they'll do something special like that for me.

This year, my husband and I got into one of the worst fights we've ever had on the day before my birthday. He stormed out and stayed at a hotel, and didn't come home until noon. I spent the morning of my birthday crying.  Then he got back, and we were so exhausted from not sleeping so we passed out for a 2 hours. He woke up, and felt bad I guess, and went to the store and bought me season two of Lost and took me out to an awkward, last-minute dinner where we sat there red-eyed and looked at one another in a sort of confusion.

He'd made no prior plans at all, obviously. It sounds selfish and stupid and whiny but it really hurt my feelings... it always does.  I'm pushing 40 and I still get upset that nobody gives a crap about my birthday.

HerOdyssey HerOdyssey 36-40, F 32 Responses Feb 27, 2009

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I totally get you! I have never cut a cake on my birthday not once not ever. my parents care two hoots about the ritual of cake cutting and my friends always have excuses lined up right on my birthday. its pathetic and saddening. I just think im a jinx.

I feel your pain, today is my 39th birthday my brother and sister both sat in their cars while their partners dropped a card in. I wish they knew how much I would rather have an hour of their time instead :(. I have always been birthday cursed but milestone ones are worse, I lost my aunt on my 12th, my nan on my 16th, my dad on my 18th, my boyfriend left on my 21st and I buried my mother on my 30th, I can honestly say I'm dreading my 40th. I will be glad when this day is over and I can put the hurt away again. I genuinely hope your birthdays have improved and your being shown much love now x

I hear you. I once had a joint-birthday party with my good friend because our birthdays are a few days apart. So we had it smack-dab in between our birthdays, but everyone forgot it was half mine. They all wished her a happy birthday and brought her cards and presents, and I wished I could disappear. I haven't had a good birthday in about fifteen years. So I know how you feel.

We need to switch lives. I really wish celebration for my birthday was an afterthought. My family makes it about themselves, get so caught up in the celebration and trying to be good-doers that they never stop to ask what I want and then in the end I get in trouble if I get uncomfortable. I rather be alone on my birthday and in control of it instead.

I hope that four years later you have found your happiness on your special day. Here is one other person who sympathize about your disappointments and think you deserve better and better people. Life sucks, I hope you know it's not because of anything you are or did. If I knew your birthday I would tell you Happy Birthday on that day, but since I don't then when that day comes just know that there is someone who wishes it for you.

It's my 16 birthday and I'm used to not get anything since there's so many kids in my family, I live with my dad who's a single father and he gave me a gift and a card that says happy birthday to the best brother and take into recognition that I'm a girl so it was clear he didn't give a **** and on my previous birthday my mother took me shopping but her boyfriend was there and they completely ignored me and we went to McDonald and I hated it but I have great friends who care and wished me happy birthday but all I wanted was for someone in my family to care I didn't care about a gift from my father or shopping with my mom I just wanted someone to say happy birthday Francesca is it that hard? My dad gave money and said go to a neighbor and give them this money to take you out and I just looked at him and I gave him his money back and I told him all I wanted was for him to say happy birthday and he basically said I didn't deserve it.

ouch tht really pains to even read or hear

starving people worldwide and your complaining about your silly birthday, it's just amazing

I don't think you're whiny at all. I think you're being honest about how you feel. People have taken you for granted, and that's never right. Is there some way you can tell them openly how you feel?

You deserve a lot better than this. I wish I could take back those bad birthday memories and replace them with happier ones...I really do. But, you can make the future ones better by celebrating the life you have. If necessary, choose another day and have a secret UnBirthday celebration...take yourself out for dessert or a movie, or spend the day exactly the way you would like to spend it.

I'm sorry those people in your life haven't been showing you the love you need. You are worth more than that. A belated Happy Birthday from me here in OZ! :)

It's my birthday today and it's going ******* awful. Don't worry; you're not the only one. In fact, I've spent the last three hours reading about suicide and wondering whether I'll actually do it properly this time.

Please don't take your life...this is a kind of spiritual attack you're experienced, designed to make you give up on yourself. Fight it. Your birthday - your life - is worth something, you have a life to live and a potential to give. That's why you're under fire.

ps( celebrate your birthday when you want to...it doesn't have to be on a specific day. Happy Belated birthday for April 18th, from me here in Australia. (hugs) )

My bday is coming up, 27february83. I have bad luck bdays too. My boyfriend whom ive been with for FIVE years has never given me a cake or flowers and my ex husband (3yrs) had never done it either. Ive never received a birthday party or anything and im so jealous of the ppl who Get surprise parties planned for them, then they complain. I, like you, have bad birthday luck, and i completely feel your pain. I most recently (2 days ago) had a big fight with my bf and i bawled uncontrollably because he wouldnt observe my birthday as a time to giveme thoughtful things such as a CAKE or flowers. I told him hecould just pull weeds from the side of the road but i wanted something. sadface.

I hear you...you want to feel special to him. That's a normal, healthy expectation of the people we love, and you're worth that. Can you tell him how you feel? ((hugs))

Dear worst B-day you will not put me down today, not after waiting for 12 months and 365 days and 242 seconds, I'm not going to wait for you anymore i'm going to live each day with many smiles because everyday is my B-day because i'm alive, so i'm not going to wait for you to be happy. I love myself and my happiness is what really matter

your dear lonely friend

I LOVE your attitude! Exactly, you're worth a whole lot, and every day that is good is a birthday gift... Happy Birthday for November 29th!! :)

I know the feeling. I always have bad luck birthdays. I think I can count on one hand the only good birthdays that I have ever had. I also never get a cake. One year a skunk sprayed my house at 3 a.m. and the smell was so bad we had to evacuate. Another year my husband and I got into an arguement so he took off hiking all day and left me home alone crying all day. Tomorrow will be my 42nd Birthday. Already my husband is laying in bed sick being a huge miserable whiny jerk and my son has 24 hours to get out of his apartment and is moving back home. Let's see what else can go wrong. I totally hate having birthdays.

I just turned 41 today and it's not looking to be a great one either. I feel your pain over the bad ones you've had. You deserve better than that. Hope your birthday this year is so much better!! :)

Sad sad birthday, few greetings and nothing special!!

Happy Birthday for Jul 16th...hope this year is a much better one!! :)

My parents, even when i was a small child, often forgot it was my birthday, and my gifts would often be something grabbed from a supermarket on the way home from work. My 13th birthday gift was a dishwasher. On my 16th, mum over-did it, trying to make the day special by throwing money at me, then told my my parents were getting a divorce. On my 18th, my mother (overcompensating again) threw a surprise party. Surprise, i didnt know anyone there. They were all extended family members i had never met, to console her on her seperation. After standing around awkwardly, my senile grandmother took me on a search through the local city for a certain sauce she wanted, making me half an hour late for my new job. When i got home, my mothers new boytoy had thrown up in my bed, meaning i slept on the couch. This year everyone is making plans for what i should do, while i just want it to be over.

You deserve so much better than this. I also think you need to tell your family and friends why their behaviour hurts you...that you're being taken for granted. It's not July 1st yet, but a big Happy Birthday to you from me here in Aust!! :)

It was my fourteenth birthday just a few hours ago. I have a 'June Curse'. Honestly. Every year, tragedies happen! I don't know what it is about June.

June 16th 2009 I accidentally hurt my hamster who was my life at the time and I loved more than anything. His jaw broke and his eye bled and scabbed over leaving him blind.

June 24th, 2009- the hamster passed away. I cried for days straight.

Near the end of June 2010, my Mom held a surprise party for me and invited all the kids in the class. I turned 12. I was a loser. 4 girls came and they didn't even talk to me at my party.they didn't really know me beforehand.

June 2011- Two of my fish died, I accidentally killed them while cleaning their tank. I felt terrible and cried.

June 14th 2011 - I was suspended from school for the rest of the school year for something stupid that happened on Facebook.

June 19th 2011- it was fathers day and everyone was celebrating fathers day and not my birthday. It felt terrible! I went out for lunch for fathers day with one side of the family, and then for dinner with the other side of the family. I turned 13. I was at my grandpas home and he has woods out back and a sand hill which me and my cousin climbed for fun. I tumbled off and got my new clothes filthy before going out for dinner. I was cut and bruised everywhere. I cried and was a mess!

June 16th 2012- A hamster I had since 2011 who meant the world to me died. She was my life. I cried for hours and felt like it was all my fault.

June 18th,2012- morning-I overdosed on Benadryl and called a Health helpline and asked a nurse if Benadryl can kill you. During the phone call I got really sick. Dizzy, weak, tired, and shaky. I felt like I was floating. I had to hang up after an hour to sleep. She said ok but she was so worried. An hour later I woke up to a phone call from my local police station. They tracked my number down and asked my location and they brought me to the hospital. I was fine but slept for a long time .

June 18th 2012 later- Fathers day, I slept completely through it. My dad felt like I forgot about him. I felt soo bad. I won't forgive myself.

June 19th,2012- It's my 14th birthday and my dad stole all my cake and I only got 1 slice and we were supposed to go to a animal park but it was 40 degrees Celsius , extremely hot outside. Unbearable heat. Yup, that's my luck. We didn't go. It was a very boring birthday. He brought me to my moms where my sister told me I should be punished for attempting suicide.. We just had a cake and I got a card and candy. I was holding my 5 month old baby brother and he puked all over my leg, arm and shirt. Yup, my luck alright.

By animal park I meant African lion Safari in Ontario. And also June 14th, 2011, I lost all my friends . They hated me. I got so depressed and I wanted to die so badly.

So sorry you had such a crummy birthday :( I hope this year is a much better one! Happy birthday in advance for June 19th!

hey, I found this whilst being depressed about my own birthday and have come to the conclusion that I too have the birthday curse and will not be celebrating anymore. I feel for all you guys as I know how it feels and you all have my love & best wishes

As in Alice in Wonderland, celebrate the "Unbirthdays". Those good moments along the way are secret birthday gifts that only you and God know about. You're worth a lot. Happy Birthday from here in Australia. xx

I had my 30th birthday yesterday. I took an effort a while prior to it to order myself a cake and throw a little party in a restaurant over the weekend. All I told my husband was that I want to feel special on that one stupid day. Almost no friends could make it to the party,nothing surprising from my husband at all - he actually gave me something he'd wanted himself. Never mind,I can get over that. Yesterday, Monday, was the actual day of my birthday and no one wished me happy birthday, not my husband, not even my mum. I did not get one text, email, nothing :-((( feeling as if I didn't even exist. To top my frustration my one year old made her bedtime rather difficult falling asleep after 10pm, not to mention by then my husband was already sleeping too. To sum it all up, I did feel special indeed on my big 30th, especially upset, uncared about, sad and depressed. Although I've done surprise parties for others in the past, love getting presents for them etc. I decided not to celebrate birthdays from now on, my birthday, nobody else's birthdays apart from my kids'.

I'm sorry I didn't find your comment last year. We share the same month for our birthdays.

That's abysmal that no one wished you a happy birthday. You deserve better than that. I'm so sorry your family have been so selfish..maybe it's time to open up and tell them you feel taken for granted. Sounds like you need to find some better friends too. I hope your birthday this year is so much better!! Happy Birthday for May 15th! :)

I hate my birthdays. My 39th was spent arguing with my husband who never does anything nice for me, and doesn't even give me a card. On my 40th, my terminally ill Uncle took a turn for the worse, and we spent the whole day, waiting to find out if he'd died yet. This year I am pregnant (contraception failure) and my husband wants me to get an abortion, and there's no one I can talk to about this. My whole life sucks, but it's always so much worse on my birthday.

I'm writing this on my birthday, here in Australia at 1:30 am thinking about you and your comment. I just made an account so I could tell you this: You deserve better than this...don't give up on yourself. I'm just sorry I didn't find this on April last year, so you wouldn't feel so alone.
ps( did you have your baby?)

I completely empathize with you. Today is my birthday-40th birthday. My husband kept asking me for a MONTH what I would like. I told him I did not want a party but do want a surprise. He asked if that meant going out of town. I beamed and said, "Surprise me." Well, it's 8:18pm and my husband basically had nothing planned for the whole day. This morning he made breakfast as he usually does on weekends, then we went to the playground with our toddler and later he announced we'd go to OASIS which is a kids' indoor playground. I was like "OASIS for my birthday?" He said he didn't know how to surprise me. By the way my husband is a psychologist ----gosh am so darn UPSET!

That's awful...your 40th should be celebrated in style! (mine was a bummer too) Hope that this year's birthday was a better one? ((hugs))

Every birthday I've ever had has ended with me not only miserable, but horrified and confused as to why this keeps happening. All year my family acts relatively normal, but on that day they go absolutely insane, and i have yet to figure out why. So far they've punched me, chased me down the street & tackled me, filed false charges against me only to have them dropped 2 days later, but i still get to spend my birthday in jail, or somehow managed to pick at every single fiber of my being until i break down into uncontrollable tears, but it doesn't stop there. I get traumatic flashbacks sometimes about my birthday memories causing panic attacks. I even try to avoid them now, but they find me somehow. I don't want a cake, or happy birthday wishes, I just want a normal day on November 20 for the first time in my life. Anything but what I've been through so many times before..

((hugs)) hope that things have improved...you deserve better than this.

You deserve better and I think you are loved. This always happens to me on my birthday too and I've just come to call it 'the birthday curse'. So, it's not that people don't care, it's just some people have the curse.

You deserve better too...sorry that you've had some bad birthdays. Give yourself a secret birthday celebration...you can even pick a different day...!

So...today is my birthday and I am alone again on my "special" day. I have tons of friends and I am the one who organizes birthday parties and surprises all my friends at midnight. Last year, was my 21st birthday and I hated it. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three years. I was still getting over that and I wanted to do a huge party for my birthday. Unfortunately my birthday is during the summer, so a lot of my friends can never make it. I lived with 3 other friends and they forgot my birthday. The best part was that they were in the apartment at midnight. At midnight I thought my roommates would come knocking on my door with a birthday cake and screaming happy birthday. I waited for an hour.....no one came to the door. I remember rushing to the grocery store that night and purchasing my own birthday cake with candles. I went to my room and blew out my candles by myself. I couldn't even get down to the cake with all the tears running down my face. My roommates the next day apologized and said they will do something for my next birthday. I thought this year would be better but unfortunately my friends forgot it again. I have a twin sister who celebrated her birthday at her apartment with her roommates. What sucks even more is having her friends call me on my birthday and telling me how the got her cake. I could hear her screaming with joy. I am not a selfish person at all and I would do anything for my friends but sometimes is it wrong for asking people to just appreciate you on your birthday? On top of it, my grandmother died four days ago. I think I am cursed on my birthday.

Oh my heart goes out to you! That would be hugely hurtful that you sister's birthday was celebrated but yours wasn't... No, it's not wrong to need your friends and family to remember and appreciate you on your birthday. You deserve better than this. So sorry too, to hear about your grandmother.

May you receive blessings on your birthday!!

So...today is my birthday and I am alone again on my "special" day. I have tons of friends and I am the one who organizes birthday parties and surprises all my friends at midnight. Last year, was my 21st birthday and I hated it. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three years. I was still getting over that and I wanted to do a huge party for my birthday. Unfortunately my birthday is during the summer, so a lot of my friends can never make it. I lived with 3 other friends and they forgot my birthday. The best part was that they were in the apartment at midnight. At midnight I thought my roommates would come knocking on my door with a birthday cake and screaming happy birthday. I waited for an hour.....no one came to the door. I remember rushing to the grocery store that night and purchasing my own birthday cake with candles. I went to my room and blew out my candles by myself. I couldn't even get down to the cake with all the tears running down my face. My roommates the next day apologized and said they will do something for my next birthday. I thought this year would be better but unfortunately my friends forgot it again. I have a twin sister who celebrated her birthday at her apartment with her roommates. What sucks even more is having her friends call me on my birthday and telling me how the got her cake. I could hear her screaming with joy. I am not a selfish person at all and I would do anything for my friends but sometimes is it wrong for asking people to just appreciate you on your birthday? On top of it, my grandmother died four days ago. I think I am cursed on my birthday.

yea i was about to cry today today because every year something happens to me on my birthday. I don't why, feels like a curse ( i thought i was the only one and had to google to see if anybody was experiencing similar stuff), then sometimes i think maybe i have a birthday curse b/c i don't care about my bday anymore, then this year i was like " yay, this is the first year nothing has happen to me" but i was wrong, one hour before my birthday was over i get a speeding ticket. my cousin knows about my curse too. last year i decided not to anything to avoid the curse, but guess what, I had gotton the worse girl cramps ever. i just want a birthday that is normal. But hey to make u feel you better just think this: You just celebrate your own birthday or don't and just be happy that u got to live another year.

I like your last line!! Happy Birthday to another May person - hope this year rocked! :)

I've never had great birthdays either. Mine is tommorrow and I'm not expecting anything great, except waiting on the pest control guy who is supposed to come in the afternoon to spray. For one thing, the weather is always lousy on my b-day. It can be beautiful all month long, but that one day will be awful. True to form, it's supposed to rain tomorrow. A few years ago my co-workers and I arranged an elaborate surprise party and feast for a fellow co-worker whose birthday is two days before mine. Sometime during the festivities I jokingly asked if this could be a joint celebration for my b-day as well, and everyone nodded, oh yeah, this is YOUR party too! Funny the cake and everything had only her name on it, talk about an afterthought!

You deserve to feel special, and be remembered too. I'm sorry you've had some crummy birthdays. Maybe you just have a few too many selfish people in your life? I hope that Feb 2nd was a great birthday for you!

it's my sweet 16 today. and im at home ******* googling to see other peoples birthday disasters to help drown my own sorrows. my mum and dad allways forget my birhtday. they remember my sisters but NEVER remember mine. No cake, no nothing!! not even a ******* card. ever.

the time they remember it's actually my birthday is probably last minute and they just toss me a few notes of cash. but oh no for my sisters they go out looking for gifts..weeks..even months before their day. it's so ******* unfair =( it's not even about the presents or the money. i would not even mind if i just got a card..just to show they thought about me and made an effore. talke about being the ignored middle child!!!!!! argh =(

I think you're very unselfish to be happy with just a card. I also think you family don't appreciate you enough. You deserve better than this!

it's my sweet 16 today. and im at home ******* googling to see other peoples birthday disasters to help drown my own sorrows. my mum and dad allways forget my birhtday. they remember my sisters but NEVER remember mine. No cake, no nothing!! not even a ******* card. ever.

the time they remember it's actually my birthday is probably last minute and they just toss me a few notes of cash. but oh no for my sisters they go out looking for gifts..weeks..even months before their day. it's so ******* unfair =( it's not even about the presents or the money. i would not even mind if i just got a card..just to show they thought about me and made an effore. talke about being the ignored middle child!!!!!! argh =(

I have the birthday curse too. I already posted about the colonoscopy the day before 50, but there have been others. My husband got himself a new truck this year 2 days before my birthday to pull the camper he bought before my birthday last year. The year before that his ex wife and FDOR cleaned out our bank account with an illegal garnishment for child support we didn't owe (child was living with us). My husband suggested I take my goats out for a day in the woods to cheer myself up. Later that day the goats started screaming and falling over. They had eaten Mountain Laurel which is a deadly neurotoxin. Spent the entire day holding onto them trying to save them, one lived one didn't. I think next year I am going to check into a motel where no one knows where I am and not come out until it's over.

woah I have the same plan!

Last year on September 10th, my grandpa passed away and my family managed to pull together a small party to celebrate my birthday. Well today I turn 18 and my mom calls me around 3 to tell me that she wrecked the car but that shes okay except her chest hurts and she has a chunk missing from her finger. I have been crying for the last two hours and finally stopped when I found this site when I was trying to determine if I have a curse or something put on the day I was born. I mean really, two birthdays in a month I've cried and sobbed? I am starting to think there is no God or what not because if there was why do we have to suffer on our birthday?

Well yesturday was mine, and I took myself out because I have no one in my phone to talk to or take me out. I'm an attractive female who can't get a date. I mean I'm in 23 and all I get are men in there 40's! The company is nice but I would much rather be next to someone who's balls aren't hanging past their knees! So I woke up this morning and went to the aqurium (free admision on your bday) but of course I went alone. After I got over the fact that I was alone I actually enjoyed myself until I became hungry and bought myself a steak dinner and dined alone for lunch. The free ice cream made it worst , it made me realize I had no one to share with. So I wasted time in the resturant to get out the house, hoping prince charming would sit right next to me and sweep me off my feet, then I snapped out of it, looked at the much older white guy sitting to my left struggleing to chew his steak. I paid for my birthday meal, went home, took a nap, and breifly talked to my mother who, FYI, hasn't called me in over a month. I made a trip to walmart ( yes, it's as close as i'm goingto get to Disney world) and went shopping for my new appartment, an oven bake pizza and some ice cream. Finally my boss calls me, tells me he has a couple of bottles for me for my birthday and to come by the studio! I'm thinking this day might turn out alright! NOT!! By the time I got there...empty bottles and garbage everywhere that these so called rappers left behind (I'm a personal assistant to a well known hip-hop artist). My boss asked me to clean up their mess while the hoes and my boss sat around and watch me clean up someone elses taco bell scraps on my birthday!! Need less to say I left after I finishes cleaning, drove home in tears and continued crying until I found this site! Happy 23rd birthday to me.

awww.... you deserve so much more what your mother did was so crappy have you sat down and told your husband the whole history behind your birthday men are not always good at the whole gift/special occasion thing they panic like deer in the headlights but we women have a problem too...we think that if we have to ask for what we want then it's not worth anything that's just not tru my husband is very happy and he always is asking for what he wants! lol why don't you go to a counselor for a couple of sessions and get it out and maybe get some ideas on how to get past it? sorry you were so hurt some mothers just never really get it