My Little Angel The Death Of My Son
On december 15,2010 at 11:15 am I went into my obgyn with my fiance and told her that I was leaking fluid and i couldnt feel my son moving. This was unusual to me because it always seemed like my son was instructing an aerobics class inside my stomach. She pushed on my stomach and told me that my son was moving and that if i was under stress then thats why i couldnt feel him....(evidently she has never been pregnant because i was constantly stressed, and always felt him move)...She told me that leaking fluid was normal and that I shouldnt worry about it. She never gave me an ultrasound or ran any tests which i thought was odd because i was bleeding a little as well. She told my fiance to take me home and lay me on my left side and make me drink juice that i was just being a worried first time mommy.(i had had two surgeries for endometreosis and cervical cancer that were performed in another state but my obgyn always told me i wasnt high risk and that everything was fine..the doctor who performed the surgery didnt think i would be able to have kids..)..... At 8:23 pm the same day i left my obgyn office(december 15 2010) I was screaming my head off in a car on the way to the hospita in more pain then i have ever been in in my life. When i got to the hospital they did an exam and told me that the baby was coming they could see hair and that my obgyn was on her way there. The doctors on the maternity ward wouldnt give me pain meds or anything...they didnt want my water to break because they knew that they should prevent the baby from coming as long as possible...I even heard them talking about giving me steroids to help my sons lungs since i was only 27 weeks along. ....My obgyn finally arrived. She stuck her fingers in me and started doing an exam.....i yelled at her and told her she was hurting me that she needed to stop what she was doing but as usual she didnt listen. As soon as she removed her fingers from me my water broke and my placenta tore(i never got the steroid shots because i couldnt recieve them after my water broke,)....I lost alot of blood and went into shock. I remember them telling my mom they didnt know if me or the baby was going to make it. They told my fiance that he could suit up and come into the OR with them so that he could see chandler being born. He suited up and when he got to the door they slammed it in his face and told him he couldnt come in. I was brought in, almost dropped on the floor, and waited for at least 15 minutes for them to start the procedure(i was being put to sleep to have a c section)...all the while my fiance stood outside in the hallway and listened to me screaming for him feeling helpless.... When i woke up the doctors didnt tell me anything...they brought me my son, put him in my arms and then told he was dead and that my family was upstairs waiting for me. (I later found out that the doctors had told my finace that our son was alive and that he coiuld come in and cut the umbilical cord....when they got him in the room they admitted to him my son was dead.....he lived for about an hour and neither me or my fiancee got to see him alive. I held my child in the maternity ward room for 24 hours before they decided to take him from me....When they came to take him from me i was mortafied.....they stuck his little body in a plastic bag to carry him out of the hospital. My son didnt live long but to stick him in a plastic bag after he died was awful...those doctors wouldnt do that to their children so why do it to mine...I am lost without my son here. I still fall asleep with my hands on my stomach and sometimes i catch myself talking to my fiancee and wanting to say" when the baby gets here"....i blame the doctors everyday for what happened , everytime i went to them i was telling them that something wasnt right....i knew something was wrong. I bled almost my entire pregnancy and was always in pain....why wouldnt she listen to me....in the end i was right and she was wrong and because she didnt listen to me and provide proper medical care our child is dead...A child we were so excited for because i was always told i would never have one.....They say that when a child dies god has a better plan for them....i say thats BS. What about my plans for my son. Why didnt my plans matter....why werent they good enough?i have never been in so much pain in my life, i constantly talk to my son when im alone so no one can hear me, like hes here to make it hurt less...but that dont work. his pictures are everywhere so that no matter where i go i see him...nothing makes it any easier and i feel that his death was very much preventable had i just been listened to. I was his mother, i know my body, i had the instinct, i knew something was worng......i was ignored, Made to feel like a sissy fool when all along i was right...a billion percent right..... i just dont know what to do. I cant even put anymore words to this story because i still feel numb from the experience...plz help.