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When You Lose A Part Of Your Soul.

I have to give one of my dogs away.
 
Wembley was still a puppy (10 months) when we got London. I realize now that was too soon to get another puppy. He (Wembley) hadn't had time to develop and learn everything he needed to know to be able to help lead his little pack of two.   

London was, is and will always be an angel. She is the follower, docile and very loving (she could spend hours licking you until she fell asleep). She also developed a knack for egging on her "brother" into fights with other dogs and scaring other people. Although they got along, Wembley was always jealous of her but always felt the need to protect her. it got to the point I had to walk them separately.   

When my common-law and I broke up, I took the two dogs and moved into a small 1 bedroom apartment, with very little light and no backyard. For the last year and a half I had struggled with training, sharing attention, spending time with both of them individually. (Wembley is almost 3 and London 2 years old now), it wasn't easy.  

One day I walked them together, they were perfect as perfect could be, they didn't bark, walked nicely and greeted passerby. They didn't even flinched when we walked by barking dogs. I thought wow, they are so good! We were only half a block away from home, when they saw an elderly man standing doing nothing.. (not waiting for the bus, not waiting for the lights to change, just standing there).. they walked by and suddenly barked! Wembley came to London's aide and Barked even louder, startling the man and he jumped and ran a bit, causing the two to bark more. they didn't bite him, only sniffed him. I pulled them back and said "No Bark" as I usually do. when they calmed the man shouted at me, threatening he was a lawyer and would sue. I was devastated. I was so upset at my two little ones. I was defeated. I had to walk around the a few blocks just to make sure he didn't see where we lived. When i got home, I cried. I realized I could take care of the both of them.   

I had been wrestling with the idea for months but every time the thought came, I would look at them and said no way! I love them both too much! I can make it work! But deep down.. i knew couldn't. They are both wonderful dogs, but not together. I knew I had to separate them.  

I realize I could no longer take care of both of them together – for many reasons.. but mostly because after two years (although they get a long) they have not bonded.  Wembley is very jealous and protective of london. I couldn't walk them together or they'd gang up and bark at passer by, children, other dogs. it's not healthy for them. I had to walk them separately.  I found I couldn't give them BOTH the attention they needed.. my attention was always split between the two of them.. in addition to my own life (work, relationship, hobbies, etc).. they deserve better.. it was a hard decision to chose between them.  

So here I am, having to give one up.. In the end, I chose to put London up for adoption because She is simply beautiful and people have no problems falling in love with her. I know this is the best thing for them both, but I am still shattered. I can't function at work, always burst of tears. I wish I could have them both but at different times.. but i know that is impossible.   

I was contacted by the Canadian Dachshund Rescue when they saw my ad, and I was thankful. If there was anyone who could find them a good home was them.. But luckily I found out a friend had also been looking for a dog for her family. This way, I could at least see her photos and get updates.. maybe even a puppy playdate here and there.   

My heart is still breaking. London i half of my heart. Wembley the other. I have tremendous guilt and anger at myself for letting them both down.   

I know my friend and her family will love London and spend time training her. London will never be alone.. She'll have a human family who loves her and two feline siblings to play with, plus a backyard. 

I pass her to her new family in a few days, so I'm spending as much time as I can now. prepping her for her walks, socialization and being a good girl.  My heart aches at the though. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing? I am. I have to believe I am. I have to turn to Wembley who needs me too.  

I NEVER thought in a million years that I would be one of "those" people to give up their dogs.. I look at them and think who could possibly ever give something they love up? I am one of them. I am doing it for them so they both can lead a happy sociable life. They deserve the best. They never failed me. I failed them.    

There isn't a support group for people who have to give up their pets, only one who's lost them through death. The pain is as real.
No many people understand this. The grief is the same.

Is there anyone else out there who knows how to heal from this? I don't think I will ever be the same. My dogs are my family.               
losinglondon losinglondon 36-40 2 Responses May 30, 2012

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I know that this post was a while ago, but I am going through a similar situation now. I am 25 and we got Newby and Jersey as puppies - they are 5 years old now. They have already moved with my 4 times as I'm trying to find my place in life and I will be moving again soon. I am constantly busy.. I am finishing school this semester and my schedule will be jam packed, I am moving in with my fiance who has terrible lungs, and I plan to travel more in the future with volunteering, etc....I do not have a consistent home life or consistent energy for them with my constant, ever-changing life. If I could put them on pause for 5 years until I got a house and a steady career, things would be different, but I constantly feel guilty about leaving them home for hours on end and not giving them the fun life, full of exercise that they deserve. <br />
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So I have approached a foster - one that does not deal with shelters in any way. The woman and her husband care about their dogs so much and I know that they will provide a healthy lifestyle until my dogs get adopted-- and they will only adopt my dogs out together to a happy home. I know it's better for them. But I feel so depressed when I think about leaving them for the last time. The foster said that she would send pictures and I could even visit, but they have been my ONE constant over the past 5 years... they are my little buddies and my best friends... <br />
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I am happy that they have moved around with me so they are used to transitions and new rules. I have also given them an interesting life - we have lived on a farm together and played with ponies, we've gone to state parks for walks, and bike rides, swimming in the creek, walking by the ocean, and have met many different dogs and have made many friends. <br />
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But in between those exciting times, there has been way too much down time... and they need more than that... They are 5 but they still act like puppies! <br />
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But its heartbreaking.. and it hurts so so bad.. I have been crying about it through this whole post! How are you doing with your separation now?

London went to her new home yesterday. <br />
After seeing her run around there, happily watching squirrels through the window, I knew she'd be just fine. <br />
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My friend's little boy made a little video of London with her new feline brother "Lucky" sleeping near each other .. already on the first night, made me feel a lot better. <br />
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In the car driving home, I saw a rainbow and took it as a sign. London will be well taken care of.<br />
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I miss her termendously, but I know I did he right thing for her.