My Cousin's Funeral

I went to my younger cousin's funeral last week. About an hour's drive from here.   So many people.
  She was very well known and liked in her hometown.  Very high-profile.  They ran several articles in the newspaper on her , calling her an "Icon".  She certainly made a name for herself in a short time.  The Church was very crowded and we had relatives from all over and she had many many friends.
   It's been less than a year since she was diagnosed with cancer and less than a year since my Mother passed away so suddenly.
  They both lived in the same town , and it was so very hard going back, reminding me of all the fun times I would drive over to visit Mother and all the fun we would have shopping , etc.
  I am still not coping as well as I should and as selfish as it sounds , the whole ordeal was extremely hard.  I tried my best to put on a good front, but inside I was falling apart.  Grief changes you, it just does.   Everyone copes in their own way.  My sister copes by never having a spare minute, every minute of her day is full of things she HAS to do !  So , no time to really THINK or feel down.  Just run, run , run...........
   Maybe that's the way to go ? 
   I am trying to think positively, but sometimes when I least expect it, grief, loss and sadness grab my heart and wrench it with a vengeance !
   The little Bonsai azalea my son gave Mom last April, is finally starting to bloom again.  Two months late (rather strange) but it makes me happy to see it trying to survive ! 
longwaytogo longwaytogo
46-50, F
Jun 12, 2007