Against My Will

do you know how the lion in the cage feels? i do.
i was the master of all i surveyed, the mighty hunter, the lord of my mountain. but now my mountain has been taken from me. (or me from my mountain) the state will build a road through my old house. they had nearly 2,000 acres to use, but chose to go through my house because it would involve less blasting away of the mountainside.
they paid me well enough for it, but now i have to live in a neighborhood. its not exactly sub-urban nor is it rural, somewhere in between.
i still talk to people as if i still live in the hills alone, even though its been nearly 2 months. maybe thats my way of denying that it ever happened.
i still have enough land to keep a garden and my chickens, but its becoming more clear everyday that i wont be able to keep all my hounds. they cause problems with the neighbors.
"neighbors" i hate that word. i hate the idea. they are all different than me.
i feel that i have lost all my freedom. i shot a groundhog in my back yard last week, and somebody called the sheriff for the gunshot. after speaking with him for a while he decided not to take any action, but he told me that i cant be doing that here. then he told me that if i could adequately silence my rifle, he would look the other way.
then i went inside and thought about my situation.
in the last 6 months i have lost my wife, my home, my freedom.
i sat on the couch buried under a pile of 9 big hounds and a pit bull, and for the first time i can remember....i almost cried. (maybe i did cry a little)
now when im not working, i spend most of my time sitting alone in the house, and a good bit of that time right here on the pc and EP.
i look out my window and i see houses and it makes me sick. i want to see hills covered in trees and a stream and deer and coyotes.
i dont know how long it will take to get used to this, and i hate to go outside because outside doesnt feel like the outside that im used to.
3 times since the move, ive almost had a fight with a neighbor, once over my dogs, once over another dog killing one of my chickens, and once im not really sure what it was about, i was drinking and probably started it myself.
it will be a year before they tear the old house down for the road, i sometimes go back up there and sit on the porch.
someone told me that i need to tear down my still where i made so many gallons of liquor. because if the road crew finds it they might report it and i guess i could get in trouble for that.
17 years ive lived on that mountain, doing whatever i want with nobody to tell me otherwise. now my world has been turned upside-down and i feel like a lion in a cage.
bunnyhound bunnyhound
31-35, M
5 Responses Sep 13, 2012

Sorry about your hounds also. I had to find a new hom for my German Shepherd when I moved not long ago. It's the worst.

I need to find a mountain to call home.

I want to live away from everyone. I feel for you completely. It's been a while since you posted this, have things gotten better?

im learning to adjust to it. still, it isnt cool. i had to part with my hounds....all but 1. i have made a friend among my new neighbors, we sit in his garage and watch tv, poke at the fireplace and drink beer. the rest of the neighbors are douchebags. at least i can still be thankful that im not in a city where i feel crowded. but i still want my mountain and my solitude back.

Lion getting tamed. Born free and lived too, like a king but your highness, against your will, the once enjoyed throne was bought by the other King of the Lords. Unpleasant and trapped, it was much better living up there and away from this jungle of built concrete, with "people" they irritate so much, that to take refuge you had to join EP. Now, here everyone is virtual, no one in sight..Good. I have to say, what you feel I can never ralize, because I was never given the life,you had enjoyed. Look at the bright side, you actually enjoyed a life, that no one else can even dream about. So, be happy whats gone is done.You are more..hmmmmm..

there arent many people who know the happiness i enjoyed for so long. i try to look at the bright side, i knew a life that only a privileged few ever get to experience. but now i have to accept that that life is over and i have to look for the good things that this life has to offer. convenience is one thing that i have now, i can turn a dial on the wall and heat the house rather than saw and split logs to burn, but i miss the smell of the firewood. i guess i have to take the good with the bad and always....i will conquer this obstacle, I AM a survivor.


I find it sad how the government believes they can do what they see fit without considering the consequences on someone else's behalf due to their actions. It's a damn misery to see you suffer like this, it has to be like the conflict: Man vs World, most of the time, it's exactly like that. You're all on your own without any support to your think life can send your world spiraling down like that so quickly without hesitation or a second's notice...frightens me. I pray for you and hope your situation gets better friend.