My Heart Was Broken For The First Time And It Had Never Really Healed.
My wonderful grandfather passed away on the 11th January 2012. It was only on Christmas day 2011 that my family figured that something was wrong. He was forgetful, distant and just not himself. The doctor thought it was a stroke. It was actually a brain tumor. It was strange. When he stood up it was like he was lost. He didn't know what what was going on around him but when he sat down it was like he was perfectly fine. Tumors are weird like that. The doctors told us it benign. He had to have an operation to remove it. The last time I saw him was right after his operation. It went well apparently. He was lying in bed with a bandage around his head. He muttered to me and my dad that the operation went well and that he didn't want to see anyone else because he was tired. I smiled the whole way out of that hospital. I thought that he was going to get better. 2 days later I got a phone call from my dad in the morning. My grandad was gone. He woke in the morning complaining of a headache. When they gave him a scan they saw he was bleeding on the brain. By the time they discovered this he had already slipped into a coma. There was nothing they could do. He never woke up. He just slipped away that morning. I was numb after the call. I had never lost anyone before. I told my dad I was going to the hospital. I was his first grandchild and I wanted to be there. I broke down when I saw him. My aunts and uncle were there including my dad and granny. They were all heartbroken. My dad was the only one not to cry. My dad never cries but he shows his emotion in other ways. My granny placed my granddads hand in mine and I said goodbye. It was the worst moment of my life. Out of all my grandparent's parents he was the strongest. We all honestly believed he had at least 20 years left. The shock and numbness that followed was almost too much to take. It was only later that day that I found out that if my grandad had lived he would have died a year later. The tumor wasn't benign and he would have needed chemo to live that year. It wasn't worth it. My granddad was a proud man. He would have hated losing his hair and watching us all suffer with him. My family believe God saved us and my granddad. I believe it too. My granddad was nothing but good his whole life. He deserved a peaceful end and he got that really. I am still angry at the world for taking way one of the best role-models I could ever ask for. I loved him so much. However I am more angry that my granny now is alone. My aunt lives with her but hearing my granny say on her birthday that she wants to die too was too much to hear. Has anyone seen the film 'Uptown Girls' ? The scene were Ray is punching Molly after she lost her dad reminds me of me. I still want to punch and hit because of how bad I feel. I'm graduating now in 2 months and my granddad wanted so bad to be there to see the first of his grandchildren graduate. I now he will be there. He's my guardian angel now and although I feel angry and sad sometimes I know he he still there. I'm going to get a locket with his picture in it so I can wear it on my graduation. I'm keeping my granddad close to my heart when I get that diploma. He will be with me I know but I miss him so ******* much! I should be getting a hug from my granddad too on my graduation. I just wish he was there so I could give him one last hug. I love you so much granddad. Please look after granny. She misses you so much and it breaks my heart even more to see her sad. I love you. Never ever forget that!! Laura xxxx