Eh... I Don't Think I Have Told Anyone About This Story.. But I Will Try...

 I had to say goodbye to my sister about seven months ago.. I believe I have kept this part of my life locked up tight in my mind.. Clear in the bad to the point of were no one could break it unless I opened it up... And I guess I'm ready to open up about it.. to talk about what I had done the day she had passed away... She was in a car wreck with my aunt because of a drunk driver. They both were rushed to the hospital at 9:00 pm on April 6th.. The hospital that they were sent to wasn't a very big hospital so they were transported to another bigger hospital that had more technology I think that's what you would call it. They were transported to another state.. I had no idea any of this was going on.. I was in a mental hospital for about three days and then my uncle had to come get me to take me to the hospital to stay with my aunt and sister.. They both were in critical condition.. both on the respirators, feeding tubes, heart monitors, a ton of IV's in both of them.. Now when I came in a saw my aunt I was upset because my uncle had told me what had happened. She didn't look so good... I didn't know the human body could take so much.. Her whole face looked like it was melted off of her face but she wasn't burned.. Her face had gone threw the wind shield (not wearing a seat belt) both of her arms were broken, she had a broken neck, and back, and she had broken her femur bone.. She was in a coma... I could feel the tears coming down my checks just the thought of what my sister was going to look like was just breaking me apart inside of me.. The nurse took me to where they were keeping my sister.. I didn't think she was my sister.. I thought it was all a dream.. Her face was so swollen.. She was in her car seat up front... If she wasn't in the front seat she might of been a little better.. She looked so defeated... So broken... So hurt... and so weak.... She was just as bad as my aunt... She had a four fractures to her skull.. the doctors told me that she was lucky to even last threw the night.. I was thinking the worst so many things were in my mind.. I stayed with her all night dreading just the worst.. but also praying to god that she made it not just for the day for the rest of her life...  I didn't sleep at all I stayed up all night talking to her, kissing her forehead.. Just hoping... The next morning my uncle came in he didn't look so good.. He came in and told me my aunt had passed away during the night... I just started crying it was so horrible to actually see him cry over his wife he never acted like he enjoyed her at all.. After that I was in a state of shock... Thinking that my sister wasn't going to make it.. But she did.. My uncle left what did he care about his wife just died and my sister was fighting for her life.. Her life of barely a year... I hate that he didn't stay with me.. The nurses were pissed off at him for leaving because he had to sign things that were important he never came back so I was forced to sign them I really didn't even know what I was doing with everything going on. I never left my sister's room. I didn't eat, sleep, bathe just nothing I was to concerned about her.. I talked to her all the time.. I could see her little eye's moving in her eye sockets and the nurse's told me that was a good sign.. I prayed even harder.. But it wasn't hard enough... I was sitting there right beside her when she started having a seizure.. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen in my whole life... I didn't know what to do I started screaming for the nurses and the doctors.. They came in and stabilized her... I was in a state of just numbness this just made me feel like the worst person ever... I didn't know what I was going to do.. The doctor came in and told me in the most nicest way ever and told me that my sister if she ever woke up she wouldn't be normal... That it might just be best if we took her off of everything.. I never in my dreams ever thought someone would ever even ask me to take someone off of something that was saving their life... He left and let me think things threw.. I told him an hour later that I wanted him to do it.. I didn't want my little sister to suffer anymore.. But I had him take everything off of her the feeding tube, respirator, IVs... After he took everything off of her he told me she wouldn't last for another five minutes.. He left me and my sister alone in the room for her last breaths.. I held her all the way until her last breath... It was the worst thing I have every had to do in my whole life... I felt her last breath and her last heart beat.. I didn't even cry I felt that if she felt me cry she would know I was devastated that I was weak.. I held everything in.. I didn't want her to know that.. I kissed her goodbye and I told her that I loved her.. I sat with her for thirty minutes.. If anyone tried coming in I told them to please leave..I know that was stupid I just wanted to be with my sister alone.. I sat there looking at her body.. Just wishing it was all a dream... I told her goodbye for the last time thirty minutes later and I walked out the door and sat on the ground bawling my eyes out.. I didn't want my sister to be dead.. I didn't believe she was gone.. I didn't want her to be gone.. They sent a preacher to sit with me... Talk to me and pray with me.. But why did I have to pray when she was already gone?? I don't know maybe they thought it would make me feel better... It didn't... I was with my sister from the time she was born.. It was like I had just lost my own child even though she was my sister... People tell me that I have no reason to feel that.. But I was the one who raised her.. The one her taught her how to walk, how to talk only if it was just a few words.. I was the one who played with her, stayed up with, held her when she was crying.. I remember when she called me mama.. I guess that isn't a reason to think that I had lost a child.. But I don't care what people think she was like a child to me.. To this day it feels like it's my fault that she died.. Because I told the doctors to take her off the machines.. It's just a horrible feeling I have deep inside of me... I had to say goodbye to a little girl that was so important to me.. I miss her still to this day. I wish she didn't have to go but she did.. And I miss her so so so so so much.. I will never forget her..

XLunaXLovegoodX XLunaXLovegoodX
26-30, F
66 Responses Oct 9, 2008

I'm sorry to hear about that i have been in the same situation this year just keep your head up and try to think positive just know she's in a better place

My deepest condolences :(

oh my god that hurt me so badly too

Sorry for that :( r.i.p.sister

i can't remember a day which I've cried this much,while readin something

I was so touched by your story. My dad recently passed away due to cancer, but we knew it was going to happen. I can't tell you how sad I feel for you and your sister and aunt. Tears rolling down my face as I read on, I'm sorry for your loss it's very tragic and I wish you the best. They say we will see each other on the other side, I really hope so cause it's so hard to have a loved one die.

I know exactly how you feel hun and its hard but some times people get caught up in the own grief they dnt think about any one else yes it was his wife but it was your sister a bond that can never be broken and some times people just forget to help or just mentally can't , and I no what you mean. About her bein more your child than your sister I lived the same experience with my brother he was the baby of the family and I adored him and like you I brought him up and sadly he passed away too and 5 years on it still tares me apart but we live with it an I think it's good you managed to talk abit about it my heart and thoughts are with you x x z

I'm so sorry for you loss! It must have been an intolerable thing that you have been living through! It is weird though that having faith in God is a great consolation. Thinking of life as a passage way and that we are here on earth is just like waiting on a bus station for the our next ride gave me somehow hope when I had to pass through similar situation. I still remember the words of the priest... God picks the ones who He loves most and takes them to His Heavenly Kingdom...Restoring my faith helped me a lot and I hope it would do the same for you.

That story made me soo sad. You probably felt like I did when I lost my cat 2 years ago I still cry and have greif over her you probably feel it more than I do

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. It's good that you can now open up about it and let it all out, its a very positive movement which will help you feel better :)<br />
What a tragic story... its so sad that your uncle left, but I guess when you realise you didn't treat someone how you wanted to when you had the chance, your whole entire world comes crashing down. I hope he came back eventually! I will pray for you<br />
Sending lots of love your way

I'm speechless.. Umm, I really feel sorry for you , that this happen to you, i can't even imagine.<br />
I don't even know wjhat to say.<br />
Your sister is probably forgiving you. you probably save her life because if she would of woke up she probably wouldnt remember anything and have a hard life adjusting to things.<br />
soo.. that's the best advice i can give.

I still have my mother. She isn't the worst. However she doesn't show me even half the love my older sister does. Reading this story just made me break down completely. I lived with my older sister for awhile and things happened to where i lived with my mom again. With doing that i went from being the most Popular,Beautiful and Intelligent girl in school to the most depressed. I fell apart slowly and i ignored it. I never told anyone how low i was until the beggining of this year when i almost died for good. I hated myself...alcohol was an easy escape. One night i let my friend drive my scooter, she wrecked it(causing me to fly forward on to concrete) splitting my head wide open and causing me to experience 3 seconds of death. Dying made me think of a good friend of mine who i witnessed and helped through her death. I became sober from my death i had no other choice i could barely move and couldnt think AT ALL!!!! it drove me insane. it took about 5 monthes til i was fine...Then one night i remembered how low i felt out of nowhere and though my friend begged me not to drink (being the controlling person i am) i drank anyways. ALOT! winding myself up in the hospital yet again. However that time of the FOUR times i've tryed to end my life i thought this time it was for sure. Only the lord can tell you how upset i was when i realized not only had i survived but nothing had happened to me instead yet another friend had lost their life. Why does the lord bless me everytime but hurt me in unexpected ways? i will never understand.

This is a very emotional experience and you have done all the right thing, to stay there with your sister alone, while people might choose to walk away in the same situation. You did not kill her, the doctor told you she couldnt be normal if she woke up. You do not really what suffering she was feeling, so it wouldnt be wise to keep her living using those machines..She is lucky to have a sister like you, and she would know that because she can hear every of your prayer.

Wow! I realize that life has been tough and this happened a couple of years back. But I'm sure your wounds are still very sensitive. What a terriable thing you went through. But I am sure that as you look back, you are relieved that you were there, holding her when God called her home. I am sure she is smiling down on you. I am a true believer in God and I have walked through some pretty harsh things. I have never lost a sister, or a child or husband! I can tell with what you have wrote that you were very close to your sister. You took on a big responsibility for her, through love. Your love and tears for her are a ripple effect that will spread and help someone else who is suffering such a tragedy. Let this be a tool to let your love spread. Praying for your healing.

It's definitely not your fault. Thank you for sharing.

all i can say is i'm extremely sorry for your loss, no one deserves to put in such a difficult situation. you are an extremely brave girl and your story really shows such a sense of compassion and you can't blame yourself for anything that happened. from what i understand you raised her to who she was - a lovely girl who had her whole life ahead of her and was taken away by an evil situation which no one deserves. you made the right decision im sure your sister would be very proud off you, and will be encouraging you to leave any guilt you have and try to fulfil your life to the best you can. she'll always be there in your heart and memories of her will live on forever. keep strong xx

This story put me in tears but it also made me feel better because it made me feel less alone. I lost my little brother 4 months ago. At 15 he took his own life. It is so hard to lose a family member so close to you and so young. It is the hardest thing I've ever been through and I've lost quite a few family members. Everything reminds me of him. Thank you so much for having the courage to share this story. Although it was heartbreaking to read it is a reminder that what has happened in my life is not the end of the world and other people survive worse situations.

My dear i am so sorry about what you went through but don't be too hard on yourself. It was not your fault, just that circumstances led to you deciding to have the machines off your sister. May God give you the strength to go through this.

That is a very sad story. You did the best that you could do. However, you must deal with this now. Perhaps take six months or even a year off from school, or the job, and with help (from friends or a doctor, or both) come up with a strategy to deal with this and put this behind you. <br />
<br />
You will always love yours sister, but the day must come, the sooner the better, where she is not someone you are thinking about consciously or subconsciously from the morning until the evening and even in your dreams. That is not life. It is a horror. <br />
<br />
That accident took two lives. It may yet take three. This is why you need to deal with every issue, all the issues that make you tear up and hurt inside, now. Completely and comprehensively, and even the issues that have nothing to do with your sister. If you take time off and get help with this, it can be done, and it must be done, to save your life. Also, inject a lot of joy, just carefree joy into your life during this time of dealing with and solving these issues. <br />
<br />
In the end of this process, you will come out of this a healthy and balanced woman, like the way your life is supposed to be. Don't work full time or be a student full time. or half and half. Reduce the stress dramatically in your life so you can actually deal with these issues and solve them. It can be done. You cared for your sister once and gave your all. Now it's time to give your all to yourself to save you.

You must be a really strong person. I don't know how you have continued on with your life. I saw my grandfather take his last struggling gasp for breath and then close his mouth. I thought i would die. I was 17. But nothing like your experience. My mom died here in my house. It's odd, but I woke up when she died. I knew it had happened and ran across the hall and she was still warm. These are things that must happen, but they hurt and I do not have the slightest idea if there is a heaven, but I hope my loved ones are there, talking among the trees and flowers and paths by babbling brooks and seeing your sister and knowing her and talking with her. I hope they laugh and have a good time. They suffered along with your aunt. May they be at peace.

U brave little soul.U made the hardest decision of ur life unselfishly thinking of ur sister not urself.I have the greatest admiration 4u.Not all of us would be so brave.Ur sister is at peace now and one day u will be together again.Have u considered planting a memorial tree in tribute to ur sister?I wish u peace hope and happiness 4 ur future.U really r a remarkable woman and time will help u move on.Was the driver of the other car charged?The man that u marry will be a very lucky person indeed 2 share his life with such a special person.I wish u all the best in ur future......

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the desions that you had to make. I'm sure in her own way she knew that you were not weak and that she loved you also. She'll stay in your heart always.

i almost felt crying while reading it. So sad that you have to bear the pain throughout this years. Don't keep on blaming yourself for what happened.. it was destined to happen. Wherever she is, i know she is very much thankful having a sister like you. You are like an angel to her. A big hug for you!

i almost felt crying while reading it. So sad that you had to bear that pain through all these years. Continue sharing! Don't keep on blaming yourself for what happened.. it was destined to happen. Wherever she is, i know she is very much thankful having a sister like you. You are like an angel to her. A big hug for you!

It was very brave of you to share that experience. I imagine you are a wonderfully caring person. Blessed be.

the way you wrote it just made me tear up at once its just un-beliveable what can happen in life you know? i am really sorry for your loss my condolences to you sor sure. i will remember this story forever.i hope your holding up...

Having to say good bye to a loved one is the most heartbreaking situation we can go through--you wrote a beautiful tribute.

wow, you are truly an amazing person .

i am so sorry. your story really touched my heart and it was a brave thing you did. you took away her suffering and thats the greatest thing you could do /you couldve done for someone i believe.

im so so so so so so deeply sorry i can't even make a comment im sorry i don't know how it fells to loess a child i lost a grandpa and grandma gosh im sorry i had tears in my eyes readying this sorry if this is the worst commrnt you got im to sad to wright anything to tell you i bet your sisters and aunt are whaching overe right now protecting you im soooooooooooooooo deeply sorry.

oh hunny i'm so sorry u had to go through all of that!<br />
you are such a strong person and don't ever forget that.<br />
i'm actually sitting here about to cry... i cant even imagine how it felt for u to have gone through this!<br />
if u ever need anyone to talk to u can send me a message anytime.

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I have not cried since last december and I'm not a guy that shows much emotion at all, but your story brought me to tears. <br />
All I can say is I'm sorry and it was NOT your fault.<br />
Yes, these words are probably too received for you. They don't help you cope with this but let me tell you one thing: through everything that I've been through in my life, including almost jumping off a bridge a few times, people like YOU keep me going. You let me know that I don't have it bad. But people like you empower me and countless others to continue. Your story is here for a reason. Your little sister is a seed that will NEVER die; it has sprung life into many people. Bless her soul and yours too. =*]

i think this is the story that has moved me most in EP. I'm so sorry.

Sorry to not comment on this story for so long. I just hate going to this story. Sometimes I wish I wouldn''t of even wrote it. It just makes me depressed. It's just hard to read this story even though it's a memory that I will never forget sometimes i just wish I could forget it but that would make me feel like I'm insulting her. thanks for all the nice comments and I'm sorry for making me tear up when they finished reading this

i am sorry when i read that story i sobbed for 5 uncle died and it was so hard letting him go i am really sorry<br />
i hope you feel better i know its something you can never forget

Sorry for ur loss

Hi, first off im not going to even try to imagine what you have gone threw, its horrible.<br />
You must live on, stop thinking about your sisters death, think about her life, think about when you taut her to walk and talk, when she called you mom. I believe in life after death, She is happy now looking over you, thinking about her life together with you, how much you have done for her and how much she loves you. Her life was short but I am sure she was glad for every minute of it that was spent with you, you are the one who showed her love and life. <br />
Heal well and know that your sister is beyond the gates of Heaven waiting their for you when it is your time, live your life to its fullest so when you meet up with her again you will be able to talk about it with her. Im sure she wants to hear a lot of happy things stay strong for her. Remember your aunt too, she is also with your sister taking one step at a time threw their new journey.<br />
As for your uncle, I understand why your so bitter he should have been their, both of you could have supported each other. You must forgive him. He just saw his wife die, maybe he could not handle to see your sister go.

Oh... this story made me cry...<br />
<br />
We're all here for you... I can barely think of anything to say... I am so sorry for your loss...<br />
<br />
Just know it wasn't your fault... I think you made the right choice. It would be harder if you saw her living now, but suffering... she knows it was for her good and that it was a difficult choice for you...<br />
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God bless, my condolences to you...

I know how rough that is....hugz

Type your comment here...I started to read this story and could not stop crying. I am so very sorry for your loss.I pray that you find the peace that you need to get through everyday. It took me literally 21 minutes to get from the first word that you wrote to the last. It was incredibly difficult to even read. I can't imagine what you must have felt. she knew you loved her. You stayed with her until it was time for her to go be with GOD. I didnakt mean to leave the loss of you aunt out. Again,I am sorry that you had to witness two people that you loved in that terrible situation.I can't understand why your uncle didn't stay,but from the amount of people here , you do see that people care.people are grieving with you that have never laid eyes on you. I pray you find peace.

I know how you feel i had to say good-bye to a loved one too i hope you feel better and i'am sorry for your loss.<br />
<br />

how hard it must be to have to write that story. I hope by sharing you have released at least a small part of the pain. carry your sister in your heart for the rest of your days. her pain is over.

My dearest girl,this is a decision I to have had to make with an aunt that raised me.This is some thing I know has been with you and will be for a long time.It has been five years for me and I still wonder was I right.But one thing I do know is you made the decision that you thought was best for you're sister (daughter) at the time or you would not have done it.You did what you had always done with her you did you're best and that is all any one can ask.A friend of mine helped me so much with this suggestion and it helps.Look up the lyrics to one day at a time sweet Jesus then make a copy to keep with you and on you at all times and read it until you know the words by heart and live by them.May God keep you safe and help clear you're mind.ONE DAY AT A TIME MY DEAR ONE DAY AT A TIME

just go with the flow?!

Every single time I read this I get so sad.. Your the best person for ever doing this for your sister.. Just think babe you did a terrific thing for your sister.. you made all of her pain go away.. She isn't suffering anymore.. She is watching you from up above like my mama and papa and they are all watching us make mistakes but also they are watching us make the best of everything.. I love you and just remember I'm here for you if you need anything at all.. Promise you that one.. xoxoxo

Nothing i could say would be able to help you but i believe you did the right thing and only time and prayer will help the pain you feel. Truly i am sorry that you lost your sister and aunt.

I will never foget my sister she will always be in my heart no matter what.. And I hope I get over the fact that she is gone soon to. But it will probably be bothering me for years... =(

I'm sorry that this happened. =( Hope you feel better about it soon! *HUG*

I was very moved by your story, cried for awhile too. I have a sis too... we're like best friends. If I were to choose, I would have done the same thing. To have shared your experience, is allowing you and your sister to move on. She will always be in your my father has and is still...

Thanks. yes my little sister is in heaven now.. and is an angel looking down on me.. Watching me mess up time and time again.. But then She is watching me make more of my life then ever before she is watching me grow as a person no matter how hard it has been..

My prayers to for your baby sister that she didn't suffer, that God has a special place for her in heaven.

Thanks everyone.. I haven't even been to her grave as well I feel horrible about that.. But It's just way to much..

You are the one that ended her suffering honey. Do not blame yourself. You reached out to her with all the love in the world and wanted what was best for her and she knows that. Let her angel light shine down upon you. She would want you to be happy in life because she loved you. I too was teary eyed reading this story. My heart goes out to you sweetie. Love and Light, Lorrri

I just want to say that Im soooo sorry for your loss I know what it is like as I have been where you have been. Please understand none of this was your fault. I know that you go through things in your life in which you don't understand, but God will never give you anythign that you cannot handle. Again I am so sorry for your loss...

She had 1 year on earth, but eternity in heaven! You made it through, and you need to keep living the best life you can in memory and in honor of your sweet little sister. I hope you can find peace and comfort. ((HUGS))

That is so tragic that my heart literally hurts for you. I truly believe that they can see you. Even though your sister was a precious baby, I believe that God endowed her with omniscience, and she knows that you loved her then, and still love her now. I truly believe that. I know that one day you will get to be with her again. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. God bless.<br />
<br />

Time really does heal. I lost my sister back in 97. She was killed by the toxic phen phen diet drugs. I truly understand how you feel right now. I hope you remember it does get easier as time goes on. I will admit, I still have not gone to visit my sister grave since her funeral. I am scared of going backwards.

I am so sorry you went through this. Loss is so much a part of life, none of us are spared. But after nursing many Hospice pts over the years, I like to remind people, they are no longer suffering like we do. Also, you took care of her, now she is your "angel" watching over you. She will live in your heart forever. Talk to her will be surprised what happens. Good luck and take care of YOU!

Thanks Vin... I'm sorry my story made you tear up. :( It broke my heart to have to make that decision.. I loved her to much to let her go.. Because I can't let her go..

AllAroundMe, I have just met you and am so sorry for all of your loss and pain. I had tears in my eyes also while reading this heart renching experience. A love for a child as your own is just that. You have a love for your child. I can only try to imagine what a decision of such would do to someones heart. For whatever it's worth, I think sparing your sister the pain and missery, and loving her enough to let her go is surely the purest form of love there is. My thoughts are with you.

I can't even fathom how hard that must have been and still is. To have to go through something like is terrible. Its probably redunant, but I'm truly sorry for loss.

Thanks... I hated going threw that... It was the worst..

Thanks everyone that commented.. This was probably the hardest story to write so far.. but i feel a little better about everything.. I still miss her.. I don't I will ever not miss her.. Thanks Rage that mean a lot. I wish my uncle would of stayed with me just for some kind of support.. But yea he was probably going threw some hard **** as well... Tinker it just feels like it's my fault because I was the one that told them to take her off.. And she would still be alive if I told them to keep them on.. But I just didn't think I could handle her being different. But I don't know.. It's just hard.. I'm sorry about your brother. *hugs* Dimples thank you that mean a lot to me.. It was the hardest thing to live threw.. And it was really hard to write.. I was in tears at the end of it.. thank you..

This story was so hard to read and I'm sure it was even harder for you to live it and to write it, reliving the experience. I must tell you that you are one strong woman because I wouldn't be able to do what you did and when you did it. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that because for your sister to be so young and you to had raised her is even harder to take in. You must have had so many hopes for her and to have her life stolen from you is just a tragedy. My condolences go out to you on behalf of your aunt and your little sister and you have all of my sympathy. The good times you had with them will last with you all your life. You're in my prayers and thoughts.

life giv us hard situations but this is sumthng beyond n nothng can componsate for ur loss.... let pray for ur sis to rest her soul in peace......she will b watchng u frm heavens n dnt make her sad by u bing sad....u shd *** back to life .....<br />

You know no words can be brought out of my mouth right now.. But I will try my best.. I'm terribly sorry for your lose babe.. I'm sorry that sorry *** drove drunk that night.. I'm sorry that your uncle didn't stay with you.. Maybe he was having a hard enough time dealing with it all and he couldn't stay.. I don't know babe.. I do think you did lose your own child.. from the sound of it you raised her unlike your mother should of.. I wish I could say more but I don't even think this is even helping.. Just remember I'm here for you.. And I will listen to you no matter what.. I love you babe.. xoxoxoxo