I Tried But I Was A Difficult Person

Back when I was 15, I felt naked one day when I went outside without covering my head... and for most part I thought that the world was watching me.. So I tried headscarves and once I put it on outside school, that was it... it became permanent.. I couldn't even go back on my decision.. I made a promise to never take it off..

back then in high school, people were wearing it in a simple manner, there were either black or white, nothing super colorful like now.. but then people wear it for different reasons.. I was wearing it because I felt exposed.. Not a very good reason I think...

before I even started university, I extremely hated how I looked.. like people care.. but I had this notion people look at me and think about me.. now I realized how stupid that was... so I hated myself for ever putting on a headscarf and I felt contained like in a cage.. slowly and eventually I show strands of my hair and my neck by wearing a hoodie.. there wasn't any relief really.. I was still super conscious.. taking it off all the way was my last straw.. I lost it..

It wasn't the scarves problem... it was me... now that I'm nearly cured of numerous mind diseases I still am not wearing any and I haven't really made plans of putting it back on.. for one, I haven't found the right fashion.. and second.. I'm gonna wait until I'm more religious (that would probably be never but I have this crushing guilt) I'm torn between being modern and being religious.. how pitiful..
amejad amejad
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 28, 2010

same here.. I liked to be kept up to date.. but my mum insists on me wearing like her age.. I guess I was so stressed with that that I couldn't put up with it anymore and go whichever way is the easiest.. she scoffs at me for wearing tight jeans.. that is just way too much..

I'm often torn among modern and religious, I can fix that in many areas but clothing has always been a problem for me. I'm not a crazy trend follower but I like to stay up-to-date and come across as a well dressed person. Now that many girls don't wear headscarf, I never find that exposing unless I'm going to a conservative area, same goes for exposing body, at the least I wear quarter sleeve shirts but pants are always ankle length.