Pain Of Adoption Extends Generations...My mother was abandoned by her birth mother when she was a toddler. She was adopted by a wonderful woman who gave her every advantage in life. But my mother had to cope with the normal feelings of abandonment that come with adoption and it affected her ability to mother me as well as live her life in a healthy way.
My mother was verbally abusive throughout my formative years. Her adoptive mother (the grandmother whom I love very very much and who is responsible in good portion for that which is good in me...) lived with us until I was 12 and she died of a heart attack. I loved her so very much!! So did my father. He was truly blessed by his mother in law. My mother loved her, but struggled with frustration at the situation that existed from having her mother living with her. But, as much as Gramma gave my mother and I, she couldn't heal the mom shaped hole in my mother's heart and she couldn't heal the wounds inflicted on my heart by my own mother.
My mother has no idea who her parents are. Which means neither do I. I spent a lot of time in my teenage years worrying that I was dating a relative.
Secret adoptions are evil. her birth certificate was changed and we have no way of finding her real family. As much as I loved and honor my grandmother, the lies that were told to "protect" my mother HURT me and HURT my mother.
I have a friend who participated in an "open adoption". This is the only adoption that I advocate. I will stand firm my whole life against secret baby peddling that is traditional adoption. It is wrong, it is evil, and it denies truth.