Alchohol Is Ruining My Family.

I really can not believe that I am actually sitting here writing a story on-line about the alcohol abuse in my marriage. As I sit here night after night when I get out of work and have to deal with all of the effects of this terrible disease, and the things that it has done to my family. You  are probably asking by now, well no I am not the alcoholic, It is my husband. I guess you could say I am pretty fortunate, because he is not "physically" abusive, he works very very hard, and he spoils our daughter like crazy. Sounds like a great marriage doesn't it? Well I could only wish....let me start by saying, other then this disease that has a hold of him, my husband is a wonderful person. (I have heard that most alcoholics are, when they are sober) My children and I live with lying, gambling, drinking and driving, staying out all night, screaming fights, name calling, tons and tons of emotional abuse, blowing paychecks, AND not having anything in life to show for how hard we work!! plus there are many many other things that have gone wrong in our 11 yr marriage, all due to this damn disease. I am just at the point of no return now I think. I am not even sure what to do, where to turn or who to even talk to for help, I know all about AL-ANON and other group meetings, but I work a full time job, have to worry what is going on at home in the evenings when I am working then taking care of all of the other household chores and tasks when I am not working, plus 2 children to manage. So I guess that is why I am hoping to get something out of this. I know there are lots of people who deal with this everyday, as well as ones who are recovering and doing great! I hope that day comes for us sometime soon before it is to late.
Dee2448fan Dee2448fan
31-35, F
4 Responses Jul 23, 2007

I know exactly what you're saying and how you are feeling. Your story is almost exactly like mine. It really puts a toll on you. I am so tired, depressed and am at a last resort on how to get through to him on how his actions effect me. Not him and what's going on in his life, but me. Doesn't get it or doesn't want to. I'm in the same position as you are hon. Just don't know what to do.

Dee, I understand, I have been there. If you could only stand outside of your life and look in, reread what you wrote, if you were alone with your children you would be doing the same amount of work in and out of the house because you do it all right now anyway. The only thing that would be missing is the stress, walking on egg shells and the shear hell that living with an alcoholic brings to a family, especially with children. You can't help or change your spouse. You can only help and change yourself. Unfortunately, this won't get better if you stay, it will get worse. Be brave and strong. God Bless.

Boy! Can I ever relate to you! I was married to an active alcoholic for twenty-three years! I saw and experienced it all! Nothing you could tell me would be new to me, and I would not, I guarantee, be surprised. Alcholism is a cunning and baffling disease. It not only takes over the alcoholic, but their family and friends as well. (You know this, right?) You say you cannot go to Al Anon because you work; honey, you can't afford NOT to go! Take your kids to a sitter, or take them to the meeting, but go. Your hubby will NOT like it---he will probably think yuo're telling everyone about HIM---but that itsn't the issue. YOU need to be strong for yourself and for those kids. <br />
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Do you have an AlAnon book? You can obtain one at a book retailers, or used book shop; the little blue book is a help when you can't talk to someone, or if you need inspiration and understanding. <br />
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My ex-husb was a good person, too, but as the disease progressed, he became more violent, and definitely more agressive in his behavior, even through his words. I ended up running to a shelter house with my children, and gave him notice that I would not speak with him until he was in a facility for treatment. I held strong! (It was plenty tough! esp for the kids who were only 10 and 8 at the time. I myself went into a two week family program. <br />
We then had less than 6 months of sobriety...and then the spiral continued. Did you know that it doesn't start over, but it does begin where it left off! <br />
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Eventually, I was blessed that my ex ran off with his high school sweetheart---altho I didn't feel that at the time, he really did me a favor. <br />
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I sure hope you get to AlAnon; get a sponsor, too, another woman who you can call at ANY time....<br />
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Stay in touch, ok?

You may find some help at the "I love an alcoholic group" I truly hope you can find a solution that works for you.