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Why?!

my boyfriend has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.

He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.

I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.

i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.

i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.
gimmehead gimmehead 18-21, F 17 Responses Feb 25, 2013

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If you had a daughter and someone was making her do something she didn't like just think what you would tell her and you do the same.

Tell him he can **** you in the *** if you can **** him with a strap on first, so that he knows how much it can hurt. What a ******* idiot he is, how you can not listen to someone on something like this is stupid.

I feel sorry for you! He really needs to grow up!!! Good luck!

Get a new BF hon! I TOTALLY agree with all you write here. Go, Girlfriend!

if you love this guy you need to cut him loose and let him meet someone who is better suited to him and vice versa.

...the fact that he doesn't care whether or not you enjoy sex, or even if it physically hurts you, is really...scary :S think it might be time to upgrade to a better guy, my dear.

Relationships - and everything in them - are supposed to be about finding mutually agreeable solutions to problems. Your husband is a self-centered *** if he forces you to do anything that you find objectionable. But you on the other hand have to be firm in enforcing your limits

well i believe..just as how you respect him for what he likes...he should also understand and do the same.. i dont like anal either...well ive never done it..and yes the thought of it grosses me out.. lol.. i think ur hubby/bf should understand you better as much as he loves you

Roets has the answer.....
but a LOT of girls really squirm in ******* when thier *** is fingered....while i'm lickin the kitty....i'm not talking full insertion here...just a little moist ring around the rosy....

I would say buy a strap on and tell him if he wants your *** then you need to have his *** as well

I see trouble ahead for you hon - sorry. I think you are unbalanced as a couple - he thinks sex is really important and you don't - it might not be a problem for you now, but in some years time - look out. As for his anal sex obsession - this is really not good. Did you marry him knowing that this is the way he is? I am not a negative person, but believe me, I don't see any positivity in this at all ... only that you're going to become more and more miserable. Think long and hard before tying yourself down with children ... and maybe think about some kind of couples' counselling. I wish you well and good luck ... I think you're going to need it.

I think this has a good dose of reality!
I think you need to to take real inventory of your relationship...it can work denpending on the work put in by BOTH of you. You won't always see eye to eye and it won't always be 50/50. I commend you for putting out on occasion, but the circumstances as to why need to be corrected.
I happen to think sex is a cornerstone of marriage, and can also appreciate anal sex between husband and wife...but guilting your partner into performing any act isn't good...and isn't good for the experience either.
Hopefully the both of you can find middle ground.

If he really loves you he will not push you into it. My girlfriend hates it, she tried it & found it painful so we don`t do it, I don`t even think about asking. I have been with a few women that loved it, so my GF wanted to try at least. I love my GF so much that I wouldn`t dream of pushing her to do some thing she didn`t want to. I sincerely hope your BF learns to respect you soon.

He should respect that you do not enjoy it, if he doesn't tell him to try a ***** on himself and see if he enjoys that!!!

I can't understand many guys fascination with it either. My wife and I have tried it once. She wasn't into it, and without a ton of lube it wasn't that great for me either. ***** is so much better.

why dont you buy a huge ***** and tell him you want to stick it up his *** before he does you..

@gimmehead,

hi, i could be wrong, but it sounds like your have more problems in your relationship then just the one item you are intensely focusing on. that's for you to figure out (or not) in due time. whatever... you certainly shouldn't be doing something if you don't want to at the time. there is no sin in that?!?

while talking on the subject, are you aware your name, picture, etc., etc. stands in contrast to something you are aching to get off your chest, in the words, "I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship."

i write these things back @ you with honestly the best of intentions. the best of luck.

I can't say that my woman and I don't enjoy it, but I just don't thrust myself into her *** either, unless that is what she wants me to do. But, my theory is this: if BOTH parties involved aren't enjoying it, then it's just not worth it to me, and it becomes one-sided. To me, that is just wrong it is selfish, and greedy.