I Always Feel Like I'm Bothering Others

I hate asking for help too. For me, I don't really think it's about pride. I think it's more about low self-esteem. I feel like if I ask someone for help, I'm bothering them. And why should I expect anyone to drop what they're doing to help ME?

While I hate blaming my parents for every little thing that's wrong with me, I think this feeling does go back to my childhood. My parents were extremely careful about putting the needs of others ahead of their own and my needs. It was always "don't bother other people will your questions or problems, they're all busy" and so on. And when there was a relative or friend in need, my Dad would bend over backwards for them, but any of my needs could always wait. So after a while, I think I started to get the impression that everyone else's problems were always more important than mine.

As I grew older, I started to understand that other people (at least the good ones) WANT to help, espcially if they have received help from you. It makes them feel good. And if you don't let other people help you, they start to feel uncomfortable with always being in your debt and never being able to feel the satisfaction of helping you out. So I have started to ask for help or accept help from others. However, I still have a hard time asking for help from someone whom I haven't helped already.
lmori lmori
5 Responses Dec 26, 2010

I haven't had the mentality to sit there and believe people would go about their way to help others for the sake of good-will, what do they gain from it? I know much better now, but it doesn't make it easier to reach out because I've had to endure everything by myself, stress and all. It gets better as I...keep trying to let others know how I feel. So I see what you're saying. I think it's a trust factor more than anything though.

Don't look at it like that, love. Think of it as you going to them for help, so you have the opportunity to show them gratitude, and how thankful you are of their time and effort :) People LOVE to be needed, and to have the gratitude of others, and to be thanked, it's a wonderful feeling you would be giving them.

I think your last paragraph sums it up really well. Maybe if you tried allowing yourself to be in the shoes of others (that you help) occasionally, it might help give you perspective?<br />
<br />
You are an important person too. And you need and deserve a share of help and support sometimes too. I hope you can get a support network soon.

Geat story, I feel the same in so many ways!

Any time you need help if I can I will,Cos thats the kinda guy I am