But I'm Learning To!

Growing up, I had my mother and oldest brother to turn to for help... until I was 6 years old. My birth-father came back home for good, and suddenly my mother no longer had any time for me. Which was understandable, because my father was a tyrant! She had to focus on everything he said, or he would snap, break things and threaten to kill her... also accuse her of having an affair. So, whenever he spoke, she had to pay attention and pretend to be interested in ALL things he had to say. :-/

And if she paid any attention to me or my siblings, he'd complain that she was making us too soft and then turn on us with anger. So, it was very hostile and my mother basically turned her back from us to cater to his every whim. I did have my older brother though... but he got tired of the abuse and ran away into the US Army. So basically it was left up to me to look after my sister and myself.

I had very little help in life, only some questions answered sometimes, from my coolest teachers at school. But if I was at home and needed help in something, I had to figure it out on my own. And it kinda stayed that way for the rest of my life. SO, I am weird, as I have a hard time asking for help, even when I need it. I normally will try to deal with any problem on my own and figure it all out.

BUT recently, last year,  I forced myself ask for help! I was trying to fix my depression all on my own. And it didn't go too well. I spend over 15 years in a dark pit of despair... trying to hide it, stuff it, and pretend it wasn't a bigger problem than it was. My wake up call was in May 2008, as I was about to commit suicide... I realized that I needed help. And I asked for it, that same day! And now my life is so much better for it. :-D

So, asking for help isn't all that bad. I just have to adjust to it all, it's very new to me. :-)

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3 Responses Feb 16, 2009

Wow Shadow - your mom was a little harsh. I know about the pride and not being able to ask for help. I am glad to see that you can now do this

I don't like asking for help either. I was brought up to be very self reliant. The purpose being that our whole family is very poor and no one really cares about you anyway in this hostile world. This self reliance is about the only good thing my parents ever gave me.<br />
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That being said, I got older and realized that I can't do everything myself. I ask for help when I exhaust other possibilities. You are correct about your example concerning depression. I kicked myself for not having done something sooner.

it is never easy to ask for help, especially when it comes to depression. but you did, and that is the most important thing. you are still here for us because you asked for help. so yeah for you!!!!!