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Always Told I Wasn't Worth It

I hate asking for help because I feel like it justifies the thousands of insults and demeaning, cutting remarks my mother has made to and about me my entire life. After all, if I need help, it must be because I could not do it on my own, proving that I really can't do anything and don't know anything, which is all she ever says about me.

Oddly enough, I feel tremendously happy and eager to help anyone else, which has made me a big pushover a lot of the time, often to my detriment. I guess I'm so eager to please because I've never been able to please the only "family" I had, which was my mother (and I use the term loosely). She was a single parent (which I'm told is my fault) and I'm an only child (again, my fault).

My teen daughter is starting to show the same fear/disgust in asking for help, making me wonder if even despite working so hard to be a nurturing, supportive mother, perhaps I'm instilling a similar lack of self-esteem. I hope not.

shynotstupid shynotstupid 31-35 1 Response Mar 5, 2009

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its ok to ask for help sometimes. the best way to do it, is to say that you don't totally understand how something works, or that you have so much going on, you just need a little help. it doesn't make it seem that you don't know how to do anything, but with help it will make it easier for you to be able to know how to do something the right way. when someone does you a favor, they will come to you next time when they need something too. if there were no one to show us how to do things, then nothing will get done.