Please Give Me Some Insight And How To Learn Him Go...

So I would like to add what happened in my life. I am now at a stage where I can share my story and take constructive criticism or insights without becoming emotional. I fell in love. Crazy in love! Me and my boyfriend (at the time) conceived a child. I thought everything was amazing in life. I had an amazing man, my first child on the way.... life was near perfect in my eyes. Thirteen weeks into our pregnancy I was involved in a tragic accident. (Sorry my story is going to be somewhat lengthy, but please read mine) I was bringing him lunch. I did a ton of nice things for him. Anyways the accident happened while I was doing something for him. The accident was not my fault. I was in the hospital for a month. I was told it seemed like I was re-born. Forgot how to talk and eat. I talked like a child. I had to be taught how to do almost everything again. I couldn't walk because of my injuries to my legs. and so on..... The only person I asked about everyday was him which I'll call him Bob. (That's not his name) So you think with something that tragic and the only person I asked about was him, that I was in love?? Yes I was. ANYWAYS.... a week after I was released from the hospital he broke up with me. He said at first it was because he didn't know if he was ready for that "long, term" relationship (ideally marriage). But later on he said it was because he was interested in someone else and didn't want to cheat on me. Who really knows the real reason?!!? So our daughter was born 5 1/2 months later. I find out a 2 weeks after he was seeing that girl he "didn't want to cheat on me with" on and off through that time.... Also keep in mind the past two months before our daughter was born he was telling me a lot of things like how he loves me and yadda yadda. A month before she was born and a couple weeks after he was around me ALL OF THE TIME. Stayed the night, we went out for dinner and went to the movies, things like that. Did stuff together sexually before her birth.... In my mind things were going well, we'll get back together. Nothing along the lines there was someone else in the picture. Anyways.... in January we get back together. Like title wise and all. It's decided. Two weeks after that I find out (not from him) but through a grapevine of ppl and on the girls myspace she's pregnant. I ask him if there was a chance the baby can be his. He says no. He says the last time they slept together was before our daughter was born yadda yadda. He finally confesses and says he was told a few weeks ago??? Whatever. He told me her due date that she was told and counting the days back...... there is NO WAY it was before our daughter was born. It was about 2 weeks after she was born. Sooo..... it took me sometime but we really weren't officially back together so ok ya he didn't cheat on me we can work through this. I was still crazy about him.... Ok, So since it was still in the beginning of us being back together (this was during those two weeks or so before I found all of that out..... you know what happens? Yes the make-up sex, whatever. Anyways, I found out the stuff with her at the end of January. We did this valentine's trip to Vegas which helped me think ok we'll work..... and on Leap Year, guess what? I find out I'm pregnant! (Yes I know, crazy me) Anyways.... we still stayed together. His second child (a daughter with the other woman) was born in the summer time. I was due beginning of November with my second. In October of that year, a few weeks before our second was born this big situation happened and I was sooo mad that I finally just said it's over, nothing to do with you blah blah blah. (He was over at her house but as he said "hanging out with his daughter" however it was around 11 at night, he wasn't answering my calls, when he finally did he lied and said he fell asleep, then said he was playing xbox with friends, then said he was out with a guy friend, then finally said he was with her. STUPID I KNOW) Anyways the next morning I call (hormone crazy me last night or something) saying we can work through it and what not i've been stressed and all knowing the baby will be coming soon all of that. I also asked him that morning did he sleep with her? (you know bc it was late and whatever) He said No. Our son was born at the end of October. During the time after that we decided to move to another state. To start life and what not as a family. Also during the time my sister tells me, did you hear that "so and so (which is that girl) is pregnant?" I said noooo, and asked BOB, he said no but being her friend I think she would of told me." Hmmmm, I questioned his answered in my mind but wanted our trust to be good so I believed him. Anyways we moved at the end of December. Two weeks after we moved guess what I found out?!?!? (Again not from him but from her myspace and through the grapevine) She's pregnant again! I asked him repeatedly, he finally confesses. They slept together that one night I said I'm done. (Counting back the days of her due date, it does work that way but you never know... it could of happened any day around that) He said she told him she was pregnant before we moved? WTF. I moved away from everyone I knew friends/family to go to where he was from to start life??? I gave up a lot. So I kicked him out, called my dad asking if I bought him a ticket, would he come help me move back. That night was the first time BOB fought for our relationship big time and the next day too. I gave in, we tried counseling... everything was on its way. I just started making the rules like no contact with her unless its just emailing here and there to see pictures of his daughter with her and to let him know any emergency's but she can't have his phone number. (They text each other a lot but he said it was only things about his daughter, but my trust was lost with him BUT I STILL WAS CRAZY ABOUT HIM) Anyways during the spring time my thoughts were ok we'll get married. This should help us. In July we got married. Everything was still going ok in my mind with the situation with her. Emailing only, pictures of the daughter and what not, then pictures of their son. Me and her started communicating. Everything was working out to its best advantage. The state we lived in wasn't working out anymore. Just too expensive. So we moved back to where I was from. Because I had to go back to finish up some hours for work (ten days worth) is the day he gets her phone number and starts talking to her again. Doesn't matter what reason he did... it still happened the day I left and he didn't even tell me until I found out a few days later. Yes if I suspect something, I'll go find out on my own. All he can say is I'm sorry. I should of told you. Blah blah blah. The texting, talking on the phone, only responding what have you happened everyday the whole week I was gone and days after I got back. He says it was only conversations about the kids, but who really knows?!? He deleted his messages, things like that. He told me he did, I didn't get that chance to find out. So from the day I got home.... twelve days later I told him that I just have to let him go even being that crazy and in love with him. That right now we aren't working out. We thought completely different on 90% of the topics we talked about. He said that girl is still his friend, he can talk to her whenever and however he wants. He should be able to go out with whoever he wants without having to talk to his wife about it first. I thought we should have better communication with each other, he thought our marriage was fine. I said our romance has been near to nothing, he disagrees because we sleep next to each other at night.... IDK Just a lot of things were going on. Anyways I am still with my decision of getting a divorce. I can't file until after 90 days of living in this state. Anyways.... I still have the fear that they have done something since I've been back or at least have had some conversation of them getting back together or what not. And that time he slept with her that one night we weren't together but got back together the next morning, I say was cheating, he doesn't. Please give me some insight. I know I want and need the divorce now, my decision won't change. It's the best thing for me and for my kids because they shouldn't see Mommy sad everyday. But I am still in love and crazy about him. Hmmmmmm.......... help me learn how to let him go.

QCMommyof2 QCMommyof2
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 10, 2010

oh wow im new to this site but i read your story and couldnt help but cry! I am going through a similar situation and am trying to find insight as to what to do - as I am the same i am totally crazy in love with the now father of my baby (currently 5 months pregnant) but we have only been together a short time and i have already caught him out texting VERY inappropriately to younger girls 4 times...i have no idea what to do..

Hey! Know this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am starting over again with my 3 yr old son, my husband of 13yrs is having a midlife crisis that includes going out and messing around with as many available females as possible. I love him dearly but refuse to be his second choice (after his son of course) and I am taking my life back. I have been doing everything to keep him happy and neglecting myself up till now but no more. I am taking a school course to get a better job and joining Curves to get myself back in shape. Even if we do work things out somehow (not feeling very positive about that) I wiil be sticking to my plan and my resolution that it will be me and my son first before anyone or anything else!! <br />
Feel free to get in touch if you need to talk!