Trying To Understand My Boyfriends Baby Mama Drama

My fiance has two kids from two different woman (ages 5 and 2).  I cant believe I am having to post this story but I need help to understand and to get this off my chest.  My fiance was 17 when he has his first child with a woman he has a one night stand with.  He tried to do the right thing for either son and moved in together, she ended up cheating on him multiple times so he moved out.  She lives off the government and has two other kids with a different guy.  My fiance pays a lot of child support to baby mama #1 because she is on government aid.  Every time he calls her to see his son she asks him for more money and he keeps telling their son that my fiance is a bad man and doesn't love him. 
Now on the baby mama #2, he was with this girl for four years she is a little younger and is very into God.  He was so consumed by her he converted to her religion and they ended up having his second son and moving in together in an apartment next to her parents house.  He parents are both practicing minsters and played a hug role in there relationship.  My fiance ended up proposing to his baby mama #2 because of her parents saying it was the right thing to do by God.  My fiance joined the Army National Guard after this second son was born and while he was a basic training his baby mama #2 met a man she thought was more suited to her "christian" lifestyle (he was also a practicing minster). When my fiance got back from basic she told him what had happened and he moved out and moved back in with his mother.  Eight months after this my fiance and reconnected after 6 years and became involved. I was very hesitant of him having two children because I knew of all the "baggage" he had.  His baby mama #1 and I do not really speak and he is not that involved with talking to her.  He only calls when he wants to talk or see their son, but baby mama #2 is more of an issue.  She tries to call I'm at least 4 times a week, he says there is nothing, absolutely nothing going on.  That he never loved her like he loves me and when he looks into my eyes he knows this is real.  Before I met baby mama #2s son she made me meet her and made me tell her about myself.  At first I was okay with the fact because I understand that this can be a scary thing and she is sort of young.  I wanted to reassure her that I only had good intentions for my fiance and their son.  After we met she text my fiance and told him now nice of a person I was, but then the bad messages started happening.  My fiance started asking his baby mama #2 for overnights to his their son and she freaked out.  Saying I was not allowed to be there and she didn't think it was a good idea to expose their son to that.  Their son knows who I am by nam but I totally understood. Then I started thinking that her minster practicing boyfriend stays the night when he is in town all the time.  She is now texting my fiance wanting to ask him personal questions about us and him. Why is she doing this?  I am becoming so uncomfortable seeing I have never had to experience any of this before.  She wont even look at me when we pick their son up for the day.  What have I done? I am a good person and my fiance is a wonderful person and I great dad.  He fights for our country and will be deploying next year. Why do I need to be involved with baby mamas?  Am I just over reacting? please help!
sarz286 sarz286
22-25, F
24 Responses May 23, 2010

Some of these posts are a bit old so I don't know if I'll get a response. Here's my issue. 1st I am a man. By gf of almost 2 years broke up with me. One of the issues she says caused the break up, is the relationship I have with my baby momma. I am 39 my children are 14 and 16 although at one time I had a very toxic relationship with my ex wife, our relationship has gotten better mainly for our children as both had to go to therapy due to things they saw while we were together, fights, etc... My gf is 30 and also has two children, her ex is a major ***hole from what I've been told! I have never met him. Their relationship still to this day is very toxic, when she pickes up the kids and he's in a bad mood he'll call her the B word and just be a complete jerk with her so she avoids him at all cost, which I would too if I'm being treated that way. The issue is that my now ex gf saw my relationship with my ex, I'm sure compared it to her relationship with her ex and thought since we talk in a friendly manner (always about the kids) something must have been going on. So my questions are. 1) is this a common baby momma drama case? 2) does my ex gf have justifiable my reason for a break up? 3) is this all a bunch of bs and she used baby momma drama as a an excuse to hide the real reason? Any insight from the ladies would be greatly appreciated.

you don't have too. you r who u r because of ur past. sorry to say.

That sounds so familiar. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two years. We have a 8 month old son together. My boyfriend had a child with a women he later married, and she lives with us now. A total pain in the ***. Years later, with their marriage dissolving, he gets baby mama number 2 pregnant. They move in together, and proceed to have a total of 3 daughters together. The youmgest of which theyput up for adoption. The ex wife is pretty respectful of our relationship, while the othwr baby mama has no reapect for us being together. She texts him all the time, about her life's, a ex, movies, their past, blah blah. I wouldnt mind if she was talking to him about the kids otr when she tells him innappropriate things, he would ask her to stop, but he doesn't. He has written her some pretty sexual stuff himself, he thinks I haven't seen because he deletes it, but I have. Its like a knife to the heart. You wanna talk about baggage and issues? Huh. Welcome to my world. Btw, I'm 24, he's 35. :/

Okay heres mine, and its and my fiance been together for 1 year. He has two kids by the same mother which was also a one night stand, an once apon a time they were together for the children but it let go an moved on....his mother and baby mother are really close, an most of the time its for the children. She stayed with his family, slept in the same room (seperate beds) and didnt have any kind of connection watso fiance has no feelings for her at all...months passed an she was kicked out by my fiance who was fed up with her ways...she wouldnt take care of the kids like a mother was supposed to and tryed to call the police on him. Me an him met around febuary...and after a few months instantly became
attached we been throught thick and thin and i take care of his children as my own....bathe, wash, feed, buy food, doing things his bm wouldnt really do. I moved in with them in me an him share a room...the problem is every now and again the bm would come over and spend the night even when i live there now....she sleeps on the couch. His mother told us it dosnt matter if we get married that she wasnt goin to turn her back on the kinda fed up with it all...i tryed to talk to my fiance about movin but he isnt ready bcus he feels as though his mother still needs help with paying bills and other things....i get so aggitated....spmeone help how do i deal with this? Im 20

Hell no.. That's disrespectful it has to be some underhanded **** going on.

ok I really need advice mines is crazy im with my fiance and we have a child together and he also have a child with someone else and she doesnt like me beacause she still wants him and she and her friends tried to jump me with my child and my son was only 8 months im a good person and I love her child like my own hes my stepchild I always was nice with her

I have a similar problem and I also need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year but we have known each other for 5 yrs. He has two daughters with two different women.Baby mam # 1 isn't much of a problem its baby mama # 2 that I cant stand. They seperated when she was 2 months pregnant after he found out that she cheated on him and admitted to not knowing if he or the other guy was the babys father( turns out that my boyfriend is the father). My boyfriend pays a lot of child support for his daughter who is only a year old. She lives off the government and also recieves child support for her other 3 children she has by 3 other men. Its a constant argument with baby mama #2 everytime it comes to picking up his daughter. Shes always asking for more money and when she doesnt get her way (which is all the time) she starts texting smack and threatening him. It really upsets me because my boyfriend is a good man and father. I dont like to get involved because I feel that its not my place to say anything but she then gets me involved in saying things about me when I have done nothing wrong. I know she doesnt like me but I think all this he said/ she said is a little childish considering the fact that we are all 27 years old well except her shes 30. And everytime we drop her off back with her mother then the texts start saying " ur daughter is crying for you" or your daughter is asking for you" " your a bad father for choosing your girlfriend over your daughter" which is not like that at all shes only a year old the baby doesnt know whas going on.. I MEAN COME ON!!!. She is always trying to make him feel bad or start an arguement .. but I think all she wants is to annoy us... by always getting in the way. What goes on in our relationship or what we do is none of her concern . My boyfriend only calls when he wants to see his daughter or how she is doing (which is once a week )and when he does this she always has something smart to say like " oh now you remember you have a daughter" .But shes constantly ringing off his phone And when he doesnt call she'll call and start with " btw your daughter is doing fine" or " dont worry you can shove your money up your *** , forget you have a daughter". I want to know what her deal is .. SERIOUSLY!!! All this is really starting to get to me and is causing problems between me and my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend and that little girl alot , but to be putting up baby mama # 2 is too much. PLEASE HELP ME ... WHAT SHOULD I DO???!!!!

Take her to court and establish a Parenting Plan so she can't tell him when and if he see his daughter, also he can file a no contact order so she not allow to contact him unless its an emergancy with the child, this will atleast create distance but as someone who has been dealing with a crazy baby momma for 4 years it doesn't get easier you just have to figure out if you love this man enough to deal with her drama. She wants to use the child as a weapon to hurt him and if it means breaking you up and having you fight then and make trouble for him she will do it. Getting the Law involved will help. I know its not the answer you were looking for but with women like that there is no easy answer. Hope this helped a little.

Parenting threw court don't work!

Being in your situation is very difficult. My fiance and i have now been together for three years and he has two children by two different mums. It is incredibly difficult and something i thought that i would be able to handle but as time goes by it becomes harder and harder to realise that you will always be second best to his children and so it should be but you feel you are missing out on being a normal couple. I really want to have my own children but feel it is unfair to bring a child into such a complicated situation and wonder if i am making the right decision.
Both mothers are very difficult, always wanting more money and slagging him off to everyone while both live off the government and do nothing. I have done alot for his children but feel totally unappreciated and feel completely at a loss as to what to do. I have stopped having any contact with the baby mamas unless necessary so as not to complicate things further. I think how your feeling is totally natural but i dont know what to suggest, just think about whether you can see a future even with the baggage. Things will always be hard, are you strong enough as a couple to get through it, only you have the answer x

Having researched, it's an all too common problem in today's world, especially in cultures where a girl becomes a woman at 13

& where so many thousands each year are kidnapped & trafficked for slavery exploitation, so it needs the dispassionate scientific approach to bring it into the open, yes?

& warrants public posting, to help others who EP search the subject

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Okay . I have a similar problem and I need help too . There's this guy I like and he's 20 . I'm just about to be 17 . I really do have feelings for him but he has 2 kids , two little girls . The first one is about a year old and the other one is 2 months :/ I'm scared to get serious with him because unlike your finance he really isn't doing anything . He's in a gang and slangs to help pay for his daughters and his daughters are from 2 different girls . He's really nice to me but all my friends feel like he's Nona take advantage but when I'm just with him all of that doesnt matter . And ont get me wrong I tell myself I shouldn't associate with him but it really does feel different from what my mind thinks and my heart . I know I'm young but shouldn't I just give it a chance so than I can learn . He has told me he wants to go back to school and I'll support him all the way but he just needs the money now for his baby . And also I don't wanna give him a chance because I know I'm never gonna be his first choice , his children are always going to come first but maybe I'm just being selfish ! I need help.

Please, please rethink getting involved with this man. Two kids at 20... you know those kids are always gonna come first. He might love you but his heart (and money) will go to those two little girls first. At 17 you could have any guy you wanted, do not settle! You are better than that!

If you give it a chance just be super careful and always use birth control! Do not end up Baby Mama #3 to a guy who can barely pay for 2 kids!

I can relate to all the stories on this post, I started dating this guy about 1year ago, before i entered into the relationship he told me he had a son from a previous relationship I was cool with that, but after going on into the relationship I found out a woman he was seeing off and on for about 2years became pregnant and had his son who is now 6months old, I'm so messed up now, Apart of me is saying to move on and I deserve more but another part is willing to work it out. but he told me that he's not sure the child is his and that he didn't know the girl was preggers until the child was born,, needless to say the woman and my bf had a heated arguement about me and she found my number and called me "blowing me off in the typical "I am his baby mama fashion" he doesn't even talk to me as before because he's so embarrassed and hurt from all this. Some days I'm fine and others Im in a crying mess,,,,,

I can relate to u on this but ignore the bs these little girls are throwing at u they're mad because they just somebody that got knocked up & you're the one with the ring it's such a Shame it has to be this way with these so called baby mommas but in a way I blame the guy

Well, from my experience I can assure you that baby mamas are not at all friendly to the new women of their baby dads. She's messing with you. Probably when she saw how adorable you are suddenly decided she has to ruin your live because she's afraid you are going to push her off and take her place. Hold on to your man, he's in the most difficult position here...

Hello, I wanted to share my story with you. I am in love with my bf of one year and 5 months. He has two girls from two different mothers. one is seven and the other one is 3yrs old. At first it wasn't an issue that he had kids, until I started seeing the bull **** that was going on with his first daughters mother. My boyfriend married her because she got pregnant, so he wanted to do the right thing and married her. He lived with her for 5yrs until he finally noticed he made a mistake and left this woman. I guess in the process she became bitter and **** was eating at her. On Christmas of last year 2010 he finally took me to Miami to meet his family and also to meet his first daughter. When the moment came OMG the my bf;s mother totally ignored me and until this day I have no clue why. When the child's mother found out I was there she totally flipped out and called my bf and told him off. I was not aloud to see or be with his daughter again, Ever since this happen I have not been the same. I don't trust her never did. I never agreed with the relationship he was trying to build with her when they got divorce. I guess in the process of leaving her he felt sorry for her and wanted this relationship for the child's sake. I always knew she was still in love with him. She made it so hard for me to see the child that it came down to where I totally disconnected from his child, so I don't feel the pain I felt last year with all the drama. Recently she sends him an email, actually for Christmas since he was sending her a gift and he wanted to notify that it was on the mail. She then replies back to him where she starts apologizing to him, and for him to tell me she is sorry for what happen last year since I had nothing to do with it what happened between them. I really took this email very hard, and me and my boyfriend have been having issues ever since. She also mentions in the email that she wants her daughter to spend the summer with him and me. I was like this ***** is crazy! I took so offense to this crap because when I wanted to be with the daughter she made it hell, and everyone kept me away including my man. Now I Feel that because she gave permission, I'm aloud to chat with the kid, and now I don't feel ready. I don't trust that woman for nothing on earth. The other little girl is in Dominican Republic she can't come here and the ***** over there is obsess with my boyfriend still, but she has not told me i cant be with the child. Who knows what that hell happens next. I don't know what to do.

I was in a situation like this please listen to what the others women on here are saying. Because I listen to my friends and which they inform me your stupid silly and whatever. So sadly to say my Boyfriend left me for someone else. But I was/still a good women But his problem was he stated that he loved me and he did do alot sometimes for me. We talk and spent alot of time together he even gave me a key to he's home. <br />
He just wont alot me to help him with his problems with her and the thing I didn't like she were marry to another man and have a boy with my boyfriend before i was in the picture. She pull the rope around his neck so tight I hate that but he didn't allow me to help so I inform him of what to do ( take of of the baby and **** her because i felt he wasn't putting me 1st before here(baby mama) so he got upset and left me.

Hello I came across your post because I have been in a mess similar to yours for 9 years now and let me tell you, it never gets any easier. I would love to know what has happened since you last posted. I realize I'm a bit late on finding this post. I am married and my husband had a child with a woman he had a one night stand with. She goes out of her way to make our lives miserable and because we don't allow her misery to get to us she squirms, kicks and screams like a child and moves on to her next tactic. Hope all is well with you and that you were able to find a way to handle this.

Similar situation. We had been on an off for 5 years. During an off, he got someone pregnant and found out when we were on. Funny, we have not been off since, but I think about breaking up all the time. I think I stay because I have invested so much. But, I would not recommend it to anyone. I find myself getting stronger, telling myself I deserve more. You don't know that woman yet, but you many not want to find out. His ex, who he went on like 5 dates with, has been nasty about me all this time, even though we only met like 4 years later because the first 3 she wouldn't let me be around her son. Can you believe it? Somehow he and I had a relationship while he visited his son every other weekend, driving back and forth each day, in her house, because she wouldn't let him take her son anywhere- and he's been a respectable person, making good money, but she treated him like a criminal. We are making work, but I think the only way you will be happy is if you see from the beginning that he brings you with him, nothing is kept separate, he shows you consistently that you are the only one whose opinion matters, that he doesn't let himself be manipulated or pushed around by her, like making demands all the time... but, since you guys were on and off like we were, you have had issues in the relationship that will still be there. With the pressures of being a new dad, confused, stressed, and then broke from child support, he will likely have little patience for you or the relationship problems. My boyfriend is losing his house and is over $25,000 in debt because of a string of bad luck and child support that takes about a third of his paycheck. That stress does not make him a happy boy and it is a lot to deal with. He is a worse person for all of this. Wish me luck to break it off. We deserve more than this.

my boyfriend of 5 years on an off, just found out that a girl he had sex with while we werent together is prego.... its 50% it could be his.... what should i do. a part of me wants too walk away. please help me.

I truly understand what your going through because I'm going through the same thing. I think as long as your man is showing you the respect you deserve and you trust the fact that he says he loves you and it's all about you, your good. You can never make her like you and you don't need her to. Just don't put your feelings aside to accomadate her. And don't let her control what you and your fiance do with the child when he's in you all's care. Women like this, in my perspective, are very unhappy in their own life situations and do will do anything to make whomever they can just as unhappy. Misery loves company. If she was happy, she wouldn't be trying to control what's going on in a situation where it shouldn't matter to her, as long as her child is being taken great care of. How cheeky is she!!

Honey don't let that christian stuff fool you or intimindate you. Never again met with her you owe her nothing what ever they need to take care they can do it between themseveles when it comes to the child. Don't let her call you out your just giving her ammo. She can try to run him , but don't let her do it to you. If she can't trust the judgement of the childs father to whom he takes his child then they really need to get things together. I am sure when she decided to seek another man and even when she sees other men she has her son around who ever she wants and he knows nothing about it. I am sure she lays in bed with other mean while her son is in the next room Christian right. A lot of women play that Christian role it seems to help them win alot of men over that way. Stand your ground he doesn't like it . I know you love him, but he has baggage that you don't. Tell him to get it together. She just seek controll don't let her have it.

I have a similar problem. The best thing you can do is try to talk to him about how you feel. Now there is a good chance he will jump on the defensive like mine does. It is very taxing. I have never had to deal with before until I got together with my boyfriend. Mine is still in love with his baby momma and has told me that he loved her more after a year with her than with me. If he is unwilling to talk about how you feel you can either leave or pretend it doesn't upset you like I do. And both of those options suck. I wish you all the luck!

Thank you both of commenting!! this is very emotionally taxing and something I have never had to deal with!! I understand that I need to focus on our relationship and our lives and to stop worry about her liking me because that will just not happen. Thank you again!!!

You can't deviate from the fact that your fiance is the most important thing in your life.You may lose him if you let her get to you.

I want to warn you that you've entered into something extremely, extremely hard and complicated and emotionally taxing.

She is toying with your head. If you love your fiance ignore all the games and be strong.