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Boyfriends "baby Momma" Who Hasn't/wont Move On...

Where oh where do I begin?

Well first off my boyfriend and I have known eachother since freshman year in highschool. We've always had a connection but never acted on it until this year... He met his daughters mom back when we were about 17 years old & they had a flip flop breakup to make up unstable relationship that involved all the ups & downs until they made the official "break up" about a year ago. Lets keep in mind I have been friends with him through this, not day to day talking but kept in contact somewhat. His "babymomma" has NEVER liked me... up until this year we had NEVER even had any sexual encounters or anything... so there was no need to feel uncomfortable for that reason... anywho.

Fast forward to now. We are in a relationship together, going on about... 8 months or so? When him & I first started actually dating he had no connection or communication with her at all. I pushed him to be able to communicate to her civilly when it came to visitation & how a "schedule" would be...so... they became decent towards one another at that point. Still to this day flip flop on a schedule with their kid, but that my fellow supporters is a WHOLE other story LOL. So.... I tried to reach out in the beginning because she was being malicious towards me.. I tried to just say if i wronged you I am sorry, etcetc... can we move forward. I expressed to her I will NEVER intrude or try to communicate with her relating to her daughter because truthfully thats my boyfriend & hers position, not mine. I have kids of my own, and I dont want their dads new lover in my personal kids business... she responding very hostile & ghetto... and said she would never like me and she wants her daughter to know she doesnt etcetc. so i ssaid so be it & let it be. mind you this was about... maybe 6 months ago.

Ok.. so about a month ago, i snooped ( no im NOT proud) in my boyfriends phone. There was ONLY one message in the phone from his "babymomma", the rest had been deleted. It stated "i feel like i got played, again. Its coo. sweet dreams baby" well then. LOL i was honest & told my boyfriend of what i read.. he said she does this stuff at random.. he doesnt know why. Well, i tried talking to her she claimed they had been talking/texting... and seeing eachother, that hes hers & she will always be HOME for him...blah blah... & He says none of this happened. I chose to believe him, because.. well i honestly have my reasons but it DID make me uncomfortable. I did come to find out they were talking a little more than they should on a day by day basis... just shooting the breeze & to me thats unacceptable. So, he told her to stop texting unless it was in relation to the kid...and it seemed to somewhat work. She backed off what it seems or at least from what i know quite a bit......

Then yesterday she writes him these extremely excessive messages saying how she cant believe where they are in life... and how hes not there for her... and she loves him & she has to be happy for him even if its with "that *****" (thatssss me! yay) lol he didnt respond.. later in the night she texted him after he dropped their daughter off to her saying, "you should have stayed" & then he didnt respond she wrote again, " i just laid the baby down... good night ill go cuddle with my teddy bear" ..... well... him & i got into an argument because Im infuriated, annoyed and hurt... he says shes doing these things to try & interfere with him & i... and he wouldnt respond. I wanted him to say "stop... thats not necessary...quit that" something! he wouldnt because he said itll cause a fight & give her what she wants.

So moral of the story, boyfriends baby momma wants him STILL. she posts stuff on FB & these texts.... and shes obviously lying... i have more to prove shes liying.. but thats a whole other million words haha. anywho.. what the hell do i do? if i talk to her AGAIN, shes gonna just continue because i tried that before. he said he wont respond because thats what she wants... do i just deal with it? but it DOES make me crazy & uncomfortable. i want to trust HIM , but def dont trust HER!! esp because shes throwing herself at him... CONSTANTLY. hes like if i wanted her its obvious i can have her, and im here...etcetcetce.... what the hell is the solution to make me feel at ease...??? anything please. sorry to word vomit here hahaah & sorry if it babbled i tried to make it make sense. BABY MOMMA DRAMA SUCKS
jfelty jfelty 22-25, F 10 Responses Aug 3, 2012

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Interesting read, I am a father of a 15 month old daughter, her mother left me last month claiming she just wasn't "happy" with me anymore and thought it was best that we split up. So I told her if she wasn't happy that she should leave (and she did). Come to find out she had been speaking to her ex-boyfriend for about the last 3 months we were together. During this 3 months she kept telling me how she loved me so much and couldn't wait to marry me and have more kids and blah blah blah. Well im not sure if those were all lies or what but anyway, she left me and im pretty sure shes with dude now. Come to find out this guy does have two sons of his own, which he rarely sees. HOWEVER he is a registered sex offender. So I sent my "baby mama" a "nice" message saying how my daughter does not need to be around this guy. And now im the "a** h**e" Im not sure if me saying all this has to do quite with what you were saying but in the end I just wanted to share and agree with you, its only been a month but I've had "baby mama drama" everyday for a month straight now and its some bologna!

I find myself to be easy to get along with as far as my \"baby daddy\" goes... I dont interrupt his life or but in where my opinion isnt needed. As long as my son is taken care of then thats all I am concerned about. Some people feel otherwise, they act as if having a child with them makes that person their \"territory\" persay.. its stupid!

he's a sex offender?? and she has a promblem with your oppinion about your child being around him??? shows shes about self...not your child...

Don't flatter itself and think he just wants you and not his baby momma most ppl that have a kid will always have a connection and will always have that attraction don't kno why but that's how it is I'm not trying to be rude but guys say things to the new girl about their exes just to make you happy. If he's still in contact with her he still has feeling and probably always will..in my honest opinion tho I wouldn't want to be known as the homewrecker that broke apart a family..I won't talk to someone babydaddy ever because I wrong and causes unwanted chaos and stress to the parents of the child which messes up the child's life a little... Maybe u should just stag away if u honestly think he's not messing around with her then ur just as dumb as she is he's playing both of u..how do I know? Experience the same xact thing basically lol. The girl u are talking about does sound pathetic but he's the biggest idiot of all o u. I'm not a mean person I'm just brutally honest..if u don't want to get hurt..don't tfuck with ppls baby daddy's and ruin their kids lives for your own selfish needs period. I don't get society at all. The world is such a selfish place.

So, anyone that has kids is not aloud to move on? I didnt intrude in his life while he was in a relationship with her. They were already split up. Im not going to walk away from my happiness because SHE HERSELF can not move on.

Being with someone that has a child with someone is really difficult because they do always have that connection with another person, so no it doesnt ever go away. But, I do not feel that he is wrong for moving on. I also do NOT consider myself a home wrecker. Its also just as bad or unhealthy for a child to be in a unstable flip flop family environment and for one or both parents to be unhappy.

i was confused too..lol..anybody can move on if thats what they want to do...babydaddy/mama included. an x is an x...kids just come with some of those x's

every FATHER does not want his baby mama...see thats the problem now, everybody falls into this typical babymam/babydaddy drama. Its rediculous and all of your "territory marking" people need to get a ******* clue or something. He is not yours and she is not yours anymore, you aint entitled to **** accept those kids you had together. Just like somebody always telling the "step parent" to stay in they place when it comes to the kids they didnt have together same for the babymamas and daddys....stay in your place!!! Stop tryinh to be a home wrecker because things didnt work out with eachother. just be happy the other parent is happy because that leaves room for your kids to be happy. JUST STOP IT!!!! the stuff is so sad and embarrassing. Stop making a fool of yourself and worry about your beautiful kids...period. things will be so much better off with our bitter parents in the cirlce...smh

I was in the same situation I just said and left I couldnt take it nomore!

I think the best response here is a establish a parenting plan. If he doesn't, then you both will be subject to the mood swings of a jealous baby mama. This will help keep things at a safe distance.

I agree 100% thats the BIGGEST problem at hand here... the scheduling is awful.

you are so right! this is where alot of parents go wrong and also gives mom all the say so. Go back to court and set days and boundaries and stop letting her make all the calls on when where and how. Cover your own *** and things may not be so bad. But until you try to do this(dad) you pretty much deserve everything you get from your controlling bitter babymama

I'm in a similar situation, my bf has a crazy baby momma that is always trying to find ways to break us up. The funny thing is me and my boyfriend have been going out for over 3 years! And still she's always coming up with new things. My advice is let him take care of it because your just going to stress yourself out. Also let him know how you feel but don't force him to react, it's just putting him between a rock and a hard place. Also allow these actions from "the baby momma" bring you and your mann closer. Make sure he knows that your there for him as well. Guys need to know that they have your support no matter what. I hope this helps :)

I'm in a very similar situation with the exception that the kids are adults 22 and 18, I try not to deal with her and she continues to try and break us up. Her daughter dislikes me because her mother dislikes me. He tries to ignore but she is extremely aggressive. He and I have a great relationship until she decides she wants to try a different type of sabotage.

honestly i understand what your going through. i had a tremendous amount of babymama drama the first year of my relationship with my boyfriend and he did the same thing your boyfriend does and thats ignore her, but i would want him to respond and tell her somthing. so i took it apond myself to speak with her, and she was young so she always lied and said "oh im not worried about him" hes yours..but in reality she was hurt cause she stil was in love. so when i would talk to her becuase he wouldnt she stated to realize that his and her relationship wasnt goin no where and she knew that "I " was where he wanted to be so she backed off. not to much but she stays in her place.

Having researched, it's an all too common problem in today's world, especially in cultures where a girl becomes a woman at 13, & where so many thousands each year are kidnapped & trafficked for slanery exploitation, so it needs the dispassionate scientific approach to bring it into the open, yes?

& warranats public posting, to help others who search the subject


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I struggle with this myself. You want to be ther for the BF, but it is something he has to dal with. NOT You. Remove yourself and let him be the man he needs to be. I am thinking of doing this myself.

The messages you found on your boyfriend's phone would make me sincerely uncomfortable as well. I think the message she sent him was just, I think, ba<x>sed on the information you've provided, that they probably DID in fact sleep together, but your boyfriend decided he didn't want to loose you because of it, and is now putting effort into keeping you.That's just my opinion. I could very well be wrong. <br />
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My only advice to you would be more of a question. Do you think you can handle her being there everyday, can you handle her texting/calling him, can you see yourself and your boyfriend progressing with all of this "drama" going on? If you do, just ignore her and be happy with what you have. If you can't, tell your boyfriend. <br />
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Chances are this woman will always be malicious and conniving, but it's honestly up to you to make the choice to move forward. If you're uncomfortable with the relationship your boyfriend has with his daughters mom, it might be due to some trust issues. <br />
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Talking with him about how you feel will resolve a lot of the stress you have toward this situation. Get answers if you need them. Make it a positive thing and only positive can come back.

Some may hate to hear this, but the only way to rid yourself of the drama, questions in the back of the mind, etc., is to not get involved with it. I know, I know you love him, he's a great guy blah blah, but men handle these situations differently than women. Maybe you feel that as a single mom already, you can't discount a single dad (that's debatable), but it's a long arduous road. He needs to put an end to it and stop being fearful or whatever else. That's not a good sign in my opinion.