She's the one that left me at a suicidal state

My cousin is the about the same age as me... although she's more than half a year younger than me...
SHE'S a VERY VERY ignorant and dumb person.
She's 16 years old with a person living inside her now... big mistake, obviously.
We were sort of raised together and I've always been her-- protector for lack of better word.
She has NEVER EVER been in a fight because of me... Every time someone messed with her, they didn't want to take it too far because they knew i i would be there to kick they're *****.
Thing with her is that since she was a baby... she always got what she wanted. When it was someone's birthday... everyone had to sing happy birthday to her and let HER blow out the candles or she'd start crying and her cry was very very annoying.
She came to this country at age 5 and her father left her and her brother (and mother of course) at age 6.
I came her from Sweden when i was about 8... to join her again since we'd been separated for almost 3 years...

Last year went out with this Brazilian kid who was tall and very handsome with green eyes and great skin complexion.
She liked him.
I broke up with him (he was too cocky for me) and i moved on... but he didn't. He claimed that he was madly in love with me and would send bouquets of flowers to my house about twice a week.
Since then... the relationship between my cousin and I was never the same.
Jealousy overcame her but i found out that the jealous part towards me was eating her up since i was old enough to walk.
I guess now that my Brazilian Ex was single she tried to step in and they became intimate and close friends. It bothered me at first when she would tell me how good it was going with him and how he now 'likes her' not because it didn't work out with him and I as far as i was concerned he meant nothing to me and never really did... i never let him touch me and he was dumb and far too intelligent to be messing with a dumb little boy with no future for him... It bothered me because her and I were best friends and she always said she wouldn't ever go out with one of my ex boyfriends... that i was far more important than a teen fling.
Later on we found out he really didn't like her... when he first started talking to her it was only because he wanted to get closer to me.. then later realized how good a friend she was... someone he could talk to-- and yet he still didn't like her as more than a friend.
For weeks i kind of stayed away from him although it was a bit difficult since my cousin lives upstairs from me and he'd come down to say "hello to my parents."
Now about half a year since him and I were over... he still couldn't forget about me and only then i wondered WHY THE HELL WAS HE SO OBSESSED?!?! i always treated him like ****... probably the only guy that i would cheat on (even though i didn't) 'cause of how much of an idiot he was... Every time he told me he loved me i would be brutally honest and tell him that i don't think i could ever love a guy like him... so why was i with him? i pitied him.
And he knew that.
So did she.. that's why she thought i was such a b!tch...
and I was, even though usually I'm a very sweet girl, and very shy.. i never really understood why i was such a b!tch to him... but i guess he fell in love with that character that was never afraid to tell him the truth even if it hurt him... he liked that i was so up front.
It's now 10 months and he still can't let go of me and i start dating a white boy that i knew since 3rd grade. We don't work out either and he starts hating me... and becomes friends with the Brazilian ex.
Brazilian ex has a best friend who starts liking my cousin... and my cousin liked him back.
Brazilian ex and a few friends make up a plan against me that was to

  • Get this very conceided guy to make me fall in love with him
  • have me eating out of the palm of his hand
  • and break up with me in a very fcuked up way. I never actually found out how.

Mistakes they made:

  • I absolutely HATE guys that are way too conceited
  • I do not fall in love easily... I'm kind of cold hearted when it comes to love.
  • If someone broke up with me I'd get over it very quickly, no matter how strong my feelings were... I can overcome it because i don't let my self have those feelings.
  • MY best friend is also friends with that group... and they asked him to be involved... he wasn't and he told me about it.
  • They tried to get other guys involved with the plan but they failed miserably because everyone knows me as a nice girl and they refused to co-operate such a low-life plan against me since i did nothing wrong.

How does my cousin get in all of this?...
She knew about it too... more than a year passed with the plan still intact... she never said a word to me about it... not even a hint.
Turned out... she hated me and loved me at the same time. She loved me for whom i was and cried to me when it was known that i found out about it… and that i found out about her.
She was the one that would tell the 4 guy group $hit about me, she tried to help them and yet wanted them to cover for her... from the beginning i didn't give 2 $hits about the guy they threw at me (because he IS very hot and very very intelligent) and he started getting feelings for me!
the plan backfired big time and instead of me having feelings for him... he did for me... cause i did make out with him

So it's a year and 4 months since i broke up with Brazilian now...
he's still after me and my cousin broke out with "i always envied you"
I was shocked when i first heard this, and discombobulated too.
She told me that since she was born i was always the one with long legs and tall and pretty and i was much loved. I had a wonderful childhood because of all the attention i got. I was much disciplined, never ever hit by neither of my parents, I was very silent and a thinker... most of all I was always happy. Although my dad left us for a while, he came back to us.

According to her I was always the “future model”

And she was just plain old—her. The crybaby… and the follower.

i was the fairly light-skinned one but I didn’t sun burn I was ‘perfect’ --in her eyes at least…

According to her she was the short chubby ‘too white’ one.

Meanwhile I’m the one with the low self esteem… and dealing with my depression problem

She said guys are always after me and I maintain so many friends.

They’re all acquaintances.

I was the smart one… the one that loves to learn and read. NO SHE’S RIGHT ABOUT THAT ONE! I always did seek out information that made me shrewd.


I was tired of her crying… but I still helped her cheer up… to me she’s a very pretty girl and she’s not fat at all… she kind of thick… at least she has meat on her bones! Guys like that. I was a stick! Just bones. Although I had a nice *** I’ll give myself that!


Thing is since the Brazilian ex… so much $hit has come out of her… and she always talked trash about me…when I first heard about it I couldn’t believe it! She was my best friend in this whole world! I put up with her bull$hit… I protected her A$$! Always! Even when I was angry at her… and yet she’s tried to pass around negative rumors around MY SCHOOL!? She was new to MY school and already tried to make me look bad.

I didn’t need her bull$hit drama… I can’t stand drama, that’s why I don’t like high school.

But I couldn’t take her anymore… people would come up to me like ‘hey do you know _______?”

I’d say yup of course… why?

And they’d ask me “… Is she related to you?”

“Yeah, why?”

“cause she was talking so much **** about you and someone told me she was your cousin and I couldn’t believe it… didn’t you tell me that you love your cousin and that she was your best friend?”

“…yeah… it’s okay I was going to introduce you but it’s okay leave her alone, I keep hearing that **** from others.”

And they go away confused once we’d part… like damn MY OWN BLOOD?! I understand if it was a stranger… I could care less… if I cared about what people said about me and all the **** they talked…

I’d have lots of court dates…

But I never did… got into a fight ONCE in my life and that was with a guy who hit me first and I couldn’t take ANYONE hitting me EVER…My own parent never hit me… I wasn’t going to take a somewhat of a stranger come in to my life and put his hands on me…

But anyways…

I’ve always had her back even after all that drama cause more **** happened between us… but I don’t feel like typing all of that… it’s too much

And along came her current boyfriend…

They were friends with benefits. Until she started crying a lot cause she wanted him to be her boyfriend… JUST LIKE WOMEN!! GETS ME SO AGGRIVATED! They can’t leave well enough alone! If I had a friend with benefits… I would keep those feelings clear to myself (and to him) that it’s nothing more than physical pleasuring… I had one guy who started getting feelings for me and stuff Ugh… I guess I’m not your average little girl… But her and her man…

they’d break up and get back together… on and off about 5-8 times in one month.

I was their couple shrink lol I would always get them to express their feelings to each other and themselves when things got back between them.

But she’s very demanding and controlling and I couldn’t help her with that… she didn’t listen to me anymore… were not little girls anymore…

Her mind became more ignorant and more demanding as we grew up… obviously people grow up… just not that controlling.. Not good.


And we’ve continued our feuds with one another and I’ve told her what I felt since always and I tell her truthfully what I feel that is wrong with HER and what I did wrong also… cause obviously I think there are some things I could’ve handled better.

Now she’s pregnant… and I’ve began to talk to her again… since before my attitude towards her was that I could care less about her and I don’t need her… since she was the one that needed me cause I look back and I never benefited out of mine and her friendship. Since our mothers are best friends then that’s why they raised us together. (my mom is her mothers’ aunt so basically this cousin that I’ve been talking about is the daughter of my real cousin = my 2nd cousin… if this confused you then ignore this whole sentence.)

It’s not only me who has a problem with her… my sister has, her own mother, her aunts (who are only 3 years older than her (we have an odd family tree)) her younger aunts, her brother, her grandfather… everyone thinks she and her attitude towards everything and everyone is out of control. She disrespects EVERYONE even our school principal who had JUST let her back in school since she “dropped out” and is barely 17 in the 9th grade (she should’ve graduated high school this year! (2007))!

And she wants a good future for her baby… what an example already…and he’s not even born yet.

Her boyfriend is also 16 in the 9th grade… living on welfare and his idea of a good life for his offspring is to live off the government and teaching them to do the same…

Wow what a good name you are giving us Hispanic people… thanks!

As you can see I’m not too fond of her boyfriend… we used to be extremely close friends… until her jealousy took over and she’d get pissed off even when we said each others names… I MEAN SHE’S MY COUSIN I WOULDN’T TAKE HER “LOVE OF HER LIFE” (so she says) AWAY FROM HER!

Plus he’s a good foot and a half shorter than me and I really find that unattractive…Plus he’s Dominican… no offense to Dominicans but I’m done with you guys…. I love my Dominican friends to death (which is a good 70% of my closest friends cause were I live is a good 45% Dominican population lol) but not as boyfriends… too many have ****** me over with their bull$hit… yes I’m being stereotypical who isn’t at some point? Thing is her BF is not up to my high standard I never want him, never did, never will ew.

So him and I got into an argument and are not speaking for a fight much more reasonable than my stupid cousin has broken up with him.


When she got pregnant… even if it was with whatever race…

She doesn’t have a name… she’s now a number… purely a statistic of yet ANOTHER pregnant Hispanic drop out… what a surprise.


Hopefully one day she will realize how much of a b!tch she is… not only cause she brought precious life into this world with a deficient situation, not cause she’s having this baby… I mean by all means have him, can’t do anything else about it but don’t raise it to be like you. And I hope her baby does not come out like her… because I swear that part of the family will be non existent to me… the only thing keeping me around that psycho b!tch is that baby that needs a lot of love from not only herself but from the baby’s grandmother and aunts and uncles because I know that one day her baby’s daddy will be nowhere to be found and I’m sorry I have to say that but he’s getting more and more sick and tired of her as time passed… and when the baby was conceived … they weren’t even together so again the only reason why HE’S around is because “it’s the right thing to do” But she can’t even keep someone around for long… because I know her more than myself.


I met the nicest guy ever… Like the nicest guy you can possibly even be…

By nice I mean that he never got mad… cause he was too happy to be worrying about being angry and he’s the type that feel like life is too short to be pissed off like a certain some was…

This is the guy that I looked up to… he’s a good 6 or 7 years older than me…and he is one of the wisest more smartest guys that I ever met…

The first time I ever saw him or hear him raise his voice... was with her…

She makes people go crazy with that bipolar mess… she can go suck ****, she's one of the people that kept bringing me back into my depression rode that took years for me to try to even get the suicidal thoughts out of my head... but I don't stress it anymore... cause i learned that she doesn't deserve my love because she's a destroyer...

I don’t hate her at least this is what I start thinking after I haven’t seen her for long but she does things that make me remember why in the hell I even had that thought it my head…

When I started writing this… this whole thing wasn’t my intention… but I’m too tired about this topic that I chose to even begin with all the crazy **** she put others and myself through…

EmJay EmJay
18-21, F
Jul 13, 2007