Letter to Mom, Re: Judgment
I love you, but why do you inappropriately interchange "good" and "well"? You say "they" when you haven't introduced a subject. Today you said "a accident"! What is happening? Weren't you the one who taught me to "speak the King's English"? To speak properly? You don't use adverbs. Hell, no one does. "He ran quickly," not "he ran quick". Don't you know, don't you know Mom, I judge you when you use poor grammar. In addition, it's imperative that you use the subjunctive tense. It's, "I wish I were taller", not "I wish I was taller".
Anyway, I don't wish you were taller. It's fun to look down on you. Do you like my pun?
With love and respect,
P.S. I'm judging you.