Regretful ChildhoodMy dad would disappear for days and would return short-tempered with blood shot eyes, coming down off of something. My mom was mentally unstable and would fluctuate between bouts of extreme paranoia and rage. She nailed blankets and tablecloths over the windows. She said it was to block out any light from escaping so nobody would know we were there. She said people would hurt us or drop bombs on us if they knew where we were. His return would be marked by a huge fight with dishes being thrown, threats being made and possibly carried out. We (the kids) would spend the next day tiptoeing over broken glass and short-tempers. He would fall into rages. I was whipped with a cord leaving painful welts when I was 6 because I was near the television when the tube blew out. Another time I was playing in my room when he was coming down off something. I made too much noise for him. He stormed in, eyes blazing,nostrils flaring, and swung a broom as hard as he could into my thigh. I had deep bruising that seemed to take months to fade. When I was about 12 my mom would come into my room night after night and say over and over in a spiteful voice "You are stupid, ugly, and fat. You are stupid, ugly, and fat." Decisions I made because I thought it was the right thing to do were criticized and I was called stupid, for example I found money on the ground and grave it to a teacher so someone could claim it if they had lost it. My dad called me stupid and said I should have taken it. Not everything was bad but it was bad enough. I have no desire to have children. I never want to treat someone the way they treated me. I don't think I would but it is not worth considering. They had so much darkness in them and couldn't resist forcing it into the poor kids that were unfortunate enough to be born to them.
Cavefemella 31-35, F 1 Response 0 May 2, 2012