I'm The Gal Every Guy Wants, I'm The Woman Every Girl Wants To Be, But I'm The Person I Wish I Wasn't.

I'm young but I've been around long enough to know who I am. I'd like to blame it on my sign as a Libra, I'd like to blame it on how I look, or even blame it on how I was raised--but none of that really matters. I get a sick satisfaction out of having someone fall in love with me, want me, wish they were me, but in the end I feel nothing but remorse for what I do.

My first love -- a guy named John. I was 13, and he was (nearly) 4 years older than me. He fell in love with me at camp, and I was too young to really understand what was going on. End the end, I broke up with him because there was someone new that came along. And now, here, 5 years later, I'm talking to him again, not exactly planning on breaking his heart again, but it feels as if it's inevitable. 

That's where it began, but it hasn't stopped -- Robert (age 13), another Robert (age 13, then at 15, and again at 17), Todd (age 16), Adam (age 17, 3 times in the same year), and the worse I've ever done, Devon, who I'm also working over right now.

I flirt, I tease, I bring them close to me and then break their hearts. It makes me happy to see them coming back, knowing that they love me no matter what...

I don't understand why I do this. I love it, but I hate it at the same time. I really care for each of these boys, but for some reason I want more than one, and then to test their love by breaking them... Who knows. 


-Drugelis
TheDrugelis TheDrugelis
18-21
3 Responses Jul 28, 2010

You just basically 67% described my experience. Even the same names.

Just saw this. I am reeling from breaking yet another man's heart, and it feels horrible because he totally didn't deserve it. What most people don't realize is that the heartbreaker is not heartless. I have wept continuously for every man that i have hurt, and i don't even know how to live with this on my conscience. I keep waiting for punishment. Someday, somehow, i will pay for it, and i know i don't deserve to be in a good relationship because of what i've done.

I completely understand what you're saying... sadly.<br />
I am the same way. I really like them then I go out with them or talk to them and they fall for me so I end it, and then I later go on and talk to them again knowing that I'll probably end up doing it to them again. But I blame it on the fact that my first big relationship was when I was 12 I went out with him for 4 years and he was 4 years older then me. I broke up with him cause after awhile I came to realize it was a mental abusive relationship, and the fact that I fell for someone after my 4 year relationship and they just played me. The pain sucks and I wish I could find someone that makes me happy and only want to be with them. But I just can't. -<3