The Misery Of Step Children
Six years ago I met a wonderful wonderful man on the internet. He was in the military and station in Iraq. We chatted online and off line for about 6 months before we had a chance to meet in person. I fell in love....That's the happy story, everything since then has been a nightmare...
See, my wonderful wonderful man was legally separated from his wife of 12 years. They had a 12 year old daughter together and he had sent her back home. At the time he sent her home he was stationed in Germany. They had been separated for a year and he was brutally honest about his situation. He was in the process of a divorce and he said he understood when I told him that I didn't want to proceed with a relationship until his situation was cleared up. We continued to talk and proceeded with a relationship anyway.
His ex-wife did not want a divorce. The divorce was his choice because he found out that she had gambled away $80,000 dollars in a span of 3 years. She was writing bad checks all over town and lying to him about it. He tried to get her help but she wouldn't go. So he left. Who wouldn't? Well, after another 6 months and her refusing to turn in paperwork and proceed with the divorce she found out about me and began calling my house AND having her 12 year old daughter call my house 'looking' for her daddy, who they knew was in Germany and no where near me.
After all was said and done and the divorce was final, I studpidly married him. Knowing how evil and caniving his ex was, I married him. I was and still am crazy in love with him. But the situdation with his daughter and his ex is getting increasingly unbearable.
My husband (via me) faithfully paid child support every month and remained in contact with his daughter. His daughter would come to visit us during summers but they time was always tense, to the point that in 2007 I told my husband that he would need to visit with his daughter away from me, so they stayed at his sister's house for a month for their visit that year. I have a young son of my own from a previous relationship and I was getting tired of her abusing my son. She would shove him into racks when we would go to the store. She even went so far as to tell him that my husband was not his real father and no to call him dad. My son only knows my husband as his father, so this was particularly hurtful for a 13 year old to do to a 4 year old. Enough was enough.
Fast forward...now my step-daughter, age 18, has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which is typically brought on by 3 things....sexual abuse, childhood neglect or childhood abandonment. She has attempted suicide several times and her mother blames my husband for leaving them. Turns out that his ex has a son from a previous relationship who is currently 26, HE SEXUALLY MOLESTED THEIR DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS 5! The kicker in all of this is that his ex is attempting to keep child support going past 18 because she claims that their daughter is 'disabled' with this Boderline Personality Disorder and can't care for herself or maintain employment. She allowed the child to drop out of school before she turned 18 so when she turned 18 the state stopped child support, but this wench had her diagnosed as disabled before she turned 18, gets SSI for the girl and the state law says that if a child is determined to be disabled before the age of 18 child support can continue indefinately.
We are now waiting to go to court. This chick quit her job AND receives 40% of my husband's military retirement. She was collecting SSI which is significant AND child support at the same time, AND SHE IS STILL GAMBLING! Plus she has applied for SSI herself. My husband does not really seem to be upset. I've been called names, I've been harrassed and I've tried to do the right thing as much as I can. The last summer that my step daughter spent with us she told my husband that her mother says that he is a worthless son of a ***** and that she hated him because he married me and won't go back to her mother. I can't take anymore...And I never thought I'd say this but I want a divorce just to remove myself from this.
I'm not sure where to go from here, but I'm thinking its back to counseling for me...I love my husband, but I don't think he'll ever be able to separate himself from that woman particularly because he can never separate himself from his daughter....and I would never ask him to... I'm glad I got this out of my system...