I Hate Being Married

If I knew then what I know now I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED. I hate the fact that as soon as that ring was on my finger I changed from Cherished Girlfriend to Cook, Maid, *****. Oh yeah, and second best (maybe third or fourth?) behind his children, ex and mother.
I feel like I have totally lost myself. I am miserable. I've gained 20 pounds in three years we've been married, no longer want to go out with my friends, no longer do the things I love. Yes...I'm depressed. I've been through individual counseling, marriage counseling, medication...I still feel like jumping off a bridge.
Why don't I leave, you ask. Good question. I quit my job of 20 years so that my husband could take a job in another city to help pay for his darling children's college education. Since then I've been unable to find a job that will allow me to be financially independent from my husband.
My husband rarely considers my needs above anyone elses, including his own. Case in point: I am scheduled to have surgery in June. His children are scheduled to visit for a week (one of four during the summer) the week of my surgery. I asked him if they could come another time. His response? "Their visit was scheduled before your surgery." That is true but I took the first chance I could get for this surgery as I have been in pain for way too long and am ready to feel better. He has no intention of rescheduling their visit. I put my surgery off once already to take care of my husand after he had surgery.
I am starting to hate my husband. I rarely have anything to say to him and we haven't had sex in months. I know we would both be better off if we went our separate ways. I am scared of not being able to make it financially.
Dr Phil says we teach people how to treat us. I understand this concept but don't understand how to put it in action. I want to be treated with respect, care, and love. I want to feel/be important in this relationship.
Harmony1962 Harmony1962
May 11, 2012