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I Hate Being a Second Wife

A Second Wife'S Dilemma

By: theyoungwife
Written on January 28th, 2013
I recently found out that my stepson (9 year old), had a meltdown and told his mom that he missed spending time with his mom and my husband. His ex-wife told him that since they are divorced, there won't be any possibility of them spending time together. My husband also said it was not possible (he does not like being around her, and does not want to spend time with her). But because it is for the son, he said he will think about it.

My dilemma is that I do not want my husband to spend time with her, even if it is for the sake of my stepson. I am uncomfortable of my husband being anywhere near her. It makes me uncomfortable, because even after they divorced, he was living with her due to him just losing his job and his room mate kicked him out.

I am not a selfish person, I may be paranoid, but with good reason. I had to ask my husband to move in with me a lot of times before he moved out of hers. She kept trying to make moves on him whenever the kids were asleep. If you were in my shoes, you would probably understand.

Things were so bad that there were lots of times when I had regretted meeting him, being with him, not breaking up with him, and marrying him. Some days I feel like a divorce would be the easiest thing for me right now, since we don't have a children together yet. But, I still love him. And because of this drama I'm married in, I am on antidepressants.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just cry when he's not watching, and when we are sleeping, and when I am far away from him. I need support. I need guidance.
By: theyoungwife
Age: 18-21 , Female
404 people have read this story

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9 responses
  • kanchan1
    kanchan1

    me too we all are together , i am with you

    Apr 8
    1 like
  • sbh08252012
    sbh08252012

    I in no way blame you. I'm extremely uncomfortable with my husband being any where near his ex wife and like most men he doesn't understand. Their not in our shoes they don't have to deal with seeing our ex's every weekend or whenever. They will never understand how it makes us feel to stand next to a woman that the man we love shared a part of his life with.

    Mar 17
    2 likes
    • theyoungwife
      theyoungwife

      Exactly! I wish so badly that he never had ever met her or married her in the first place. It is destroying me. Not only that, during their marriage they had gotten a loan to buy a car that she is keeping. In their divorce, it mentioned that she is responsible for all the debts that comes with that car. However, the loan is under MY father-in-law and MY husband's name. And now she owes my husband TONS of money because she can't f***ing pay it. And my husband doesn't want to get it repossessed because it will not only hurt his credit, but will hurt MY father-in-law's too. *sighs* I think I need to see a psychiatrist :(

      Mar 28
      1 like
  • skellum
    skellum

    I am old. you are very young. It seems to me that you are being somewhat used. And abused. If you are determined to TRY to make a go of it,Good for you. But you are going to have to assert yourself a little bit. Clearly,you are literate and have some education,you are not helpless. Do NOT have a child with this man just yet. You cannot have been with him very long. you have time. ,and a child would complicate matters.Give him a chance to man-up,which apparetnly he is not doing if you feel this way. If he does not make more of an effort to understand your needs--walk. He has already stressed you to the point where you are on meds. Drop them in the trash and walk.

    Feb 19
    2 likes
    • kanchan1
      kanchan1

      anty please help us with your experience.

      Apr 8
      1 like
  • DanCan1
    DanCan1

    Time to get out of that circus, it's as good as it's ever going to get. Move on with your life you will find love again.

    Feb 8
    1 like
  • cassandra8
    cassandra8

    Please, please don't even begin to believe the "it's for the kid" story. Frankly, your husband sounds like a con. And it also sounds as if the ex and him are in it together. Neither keep a job, right? They were two cons living together that couldn't support themselves or their kid. Sounds like they must have played you until you put your foot down and demanded your man. Now they have you all stressed out. Get yourself up and out of this funk. Those two low-lives are bottom feeders and are pulling you down. Now they want to play with your heart by using their child. There's no limits as to what else they will do. Detach yourself.

    Feb 2
    1 like
  • stitched83
    stitched83

    I understand how you feel and you should not feel bad about it. It sends the wrong message to your stepson. You and your husband are a couple not mom and dad. He is old enough to know you can't always get what you want. You and dad and mom just need to make sure he knows he is loved.

    Jan 30
    2 likes