My Story Right Now...life Sucks!

Being a second wife sucks! I feel like he did everything with his first wife and now he thinks that since he's done all of that already he doesn't have to do it with me. He had a big fancy wedding with his first wife. The Governor of the state even flew a flag at the state capitol building the day they were married and gave the flag to them. He got to invite everyone he knew to his first wedding. I "inherited" all of those presents. So, his parents said that they didn't want to invite so many people to our wedding. Thanks. That made me feel like he was marrying a real winner right there with that comment.

He went to concerts with his first wife.

He lost his virginity to his first wife.

He got separated from his first wife when she left because they couldn't stop arguing and fighting.

He first became a father for the first time with his first wife.

He loved his first wife and wanted to have a family with her.

He tried to work things out with her, but she didn't want to.

They got divorced when their child was only four months old.

..............................................................................................................................

We met when I was on a blind date with one of his friends.

He took me dancing.

He talked to me.

He took me to get a shake. (Which, I'll be honest, I thought it was kind of weird to share one shake on our first date. It felt like he just cared about what he wanted in a way or he was being really cheap. Even though he let me choose which shake we got.)

 We went on another date.

We got another shake to share and this time I didn't care as much.

We dated every day for two weeks straight.

Then he told me about his past when I called him to see what he was up to.

He was divorced.

He had a son.

I was in shock and couldn't breathe for a minute. "You are? You do?"

"I have him with me tonight. Do you want to meet him?"

And just like that. My whole life changed. This is not what I had in mind or even pictured. This is what I was trying to stay away from and yet, here it was this situation chasing after me.

The boy needed a mother figure when he came to see his dad.

We dated more and included his son.

He asked me to marry him after we had been dating for about 6 months.

We were married 6 months later.

His son was there and life was good.

Until the honeymoon ended and we woke up to real life.

Rent, His Car Payment, Insurance, Child support, Daycare bills, and if we're lucky enough food for the month.

We are pretty much slowly starving because we don't always have money for food. It's really hard asking for people to help you out with food as well. You want them to think that you are prospering, but really, we aren't.

We have been married for 7 months now.

I'm not happy. The only thing we do to "go out" is see a dollar movie. That's it. No concerts. No other forms of entertainment really.

I'm now extremely jealous of his ex. She wiped him out of his money and left him taking child support payments as well. Lucky.

What will my kids have to live off of? If we even get that far. He is hesitant to even talk about having kids because we are so broke as it is. I have to be the breadwinner. That's what his mom told me when we got married, because he can't seem to keep a job longer than a few years. I don't know it I did the right thing marrying into all of this, but I'm trying to work on my jealously issues and get over it.

It's really hard though because I feel like I'm a second class citizen with no say to anything that goes on in his son's life even though I am supposed to take care of him when he comes over. I feel like he had all the "fun times" with his ex and I'm what he came across when that was all over. Why should he do all of those fun things with me anyway? He's already done them?

I'm just really frustrated with everything. I feel like his mom pushed me into marrying him and I couldn't back out because I'd been a "mother figure" to his son for all that time we dated. Also the fact that she told me I should be a teacher. I didn't really choose that career path on my own, but whatever. I guess if I have to be the breadwinner that's the best I can do with trying to raise my kids as well. If I had it my way he would be the breadwinner and I would stay home to be the mom and raise the kids. 

The bottom line is that I feel like I'm trying really hard to do everything and to be everything that everyone wants me to be. I feel like everyone is throwing me a ball to juggle and I'm loosing it. I can't be a maid, cook, taxi, full time student, complete all my homework, work, and get everything done. It's just NOT happening. I'm extremely frustrated because I feel like that is what my husband is expecting so he can sit on his butt doing nothing and watch sports. He wanted to marry a "wife" because I guess he believes that's what wives do. I want to tell him to wake up to the 20th century and help me out! 

Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me?

TerrificAndLovingStepMom TerrificAndLovingStepMom
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 13, 2010

Hi<br />
<br />
I was datting a man with two daughters. I felt terrible and devastated because as well as you I felt that he did everything with his ex-wife. Also I felt compared and jelaous for the time that he spent with his kids. <br />
<br />
I hope you find peace in your mind and soul. If you need time to think about the situation, take it. Put in order your ideas about what do you want in life and what are you having in this moment. Speak with him about the situation and try hard to resolve your problems because you are already married. And if it does not work, do not feel afraid to do what you want because its your life. You deserve love.