Not More Bad News...
Posted April 9th, 2010 at 3:54AM
Oh dear, just when you thought you had all the issues laid out to deal with....
Now I've realised that less than one sixth of his disposable income wiil go towards our household, the rest will cover those post divorce expenses like child support etc., and should he have a poor monthly turnover in his business, that will always be taken care of first and he expects me to then cover all our household bills mortgage, living expenses, the whole lot.
This does not sound like fun.
Second wife sounds like second best.
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Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. My husband has 2 exes (including one ex-wife), and because of the nearly $2k taken from his income each month for child support, I'm left to pay the bulk of the bills, including half the mortgage. It's gotten better now that he's gotten a different job, but before then I had to pay *every* single bill on my own, while supporting my son.
Being the second wife often feels like I'm getting the leftovers. But then again, I feel that though I may be second, I will be the last. And it won't always be like this...the kids will grow up eventually, and the child support will go away. -
I feel the same way..Like the second wife only gets the left overs. I recently realized that half of what my husband makes will go to his previous family, including spousal support for the wife who spent her whole life not working and living a very comfortable life, and she will continue to do so while me and my future family have to adjust to a smaller income. It simply isn't fair. Our children will never have the comfort of the children he had with his first wife, and we will always have a monthly payment called "ex wife" while we try to save up for the education of our kids. The vacations and the travels all over the world my husband had with his first wife, we can forget about them cause they are not affordable anymore. I am very frustrated. I love him very much, but this makes me very sad.
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The worst part is that he told me he NEVER asked or expected his ex wife to cover all the bills and mortgage payments etc. So why am I expected to do it? This is damaging our relationship.
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Yes, I had a big argument today with my loved one about a similar situation. He also says he never expected his wife to make her own money, but somehow that is expected of me. He pays for his ex wife's mortgage and allowance, but when I complained about how he is never concerned about my financial situation, then he blames me for turning our love into money deal. I am hurt so much! He is not seeing me as family, it is how I feel...and sometimes I wish he was completely broke, just so he can see who really cares for him. We might not make it...I have to deal with so much just by being the second wife, and if I don't have his support than it is impossible to win this battle. He has to choose me for once.
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It's very discriminatory how the law protects the interests children of divorced families while it does not really does not do that for intact families. There's no law forcing us to spend an X amount of money on my daughter, because we are married.
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It is unfair. Sometimes I have my partner's kids staying with us for up to a month, we have to feed, clothe and entertain them, but he doesn't pay any less in maintenance for that month despite the fact that he's covering the living expenses (although mostly I do that). I asked him to address the issue, because he actually agrees with me on this one. He says he will but never does. I've payed almost all our bills for a whole month kids included.
I am encouraged by an earlier comment though - the children grow up and the child support ends - maybe there is hope if I can take it that long. -
Oh my gosh, I read your post about your SO and his stories about his past breastfeeding experience. He is an insensitive man. Are you sure you can't do better than him? Next time he does that, you should remind him of some well-endowed guy that you nursed.
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