The Anger Has Passed And I Just Feel So Sad.

I don't even know where to start. I just know that I want to pour my heart out to an anonymous group of people, I want someone to hear me, to read my words, to understand how i feel.

Is it because she is 16, is the problem me. I don't know anymore but my anger has passed and i just feel sad and worn out.

7 years ago i was a single mum with a precious little boy i had waited so long to adopt. I got him at birth, i had been alone for four years.

I met my soon to be husband, he had split from his x many years before and now she was dieing. I praise my husband so much for the way he cared for her. Nothing was too much trouble, even changing her nappies and washing her. Truly in times of need he is a rock.

And she died. And i became a step-mom to four. The eldest was 14 at the time and made life miserable - i worked my way thru this with compassion that she had lost her mum but many times i snapped. I could not take the pressure she constantly put on me with her hatred.

My husbands mother hates me and so is no support at all ... just another pressure. She hated the kids real mother too and never went to the funeral. I don't feel special with her hatred lol

Soon the eldest moved out. I thought peace would come. Now the second girl who was 9 when her mum died is now 16.

We had moved to the country and opened a shop. 7 days a week we worked and then i broke my back. Pain was incredible. We sold the shop. Husband works away now 4 days a week.

I am mum to these kids, I am all they really know. I have been there for all of them, for every emotional drama the 16 year old has, from bullying at school - to how do you know when its love - to omg i can not begin to tell you the things i have to answer - this starts from the moment my eyes open - before my first coffee.

If i dont give her the attention she wants when she wants, she rolls her eyes, she pokes her face, she walks away making stupid comments. Always the last word. Last month we fought, last week we fought, yesterday we fought, today we fought. She will get her attention one way or the other.

All of this drains me for my own son. For my other 2 step kids. I am short tempered. I am in physical pain always, trying to start another business, just pressure pressure pressure.

I asked for the sheets to be folded up, she rolled them in bundles, i asked her politely to refold them so they would fit in the cupboard.

As i turned to make a phone call, i caught her out of the corner of my eye, her eyes were rolled at me, her face pouted, shaking her head like i am a total idiot. I snapped. I had the handset for the phone in my hand and i bought it down onto the bench. I lost the plot and screamed at her that she was making me hate her, that i was coming to loathe seeing her face. I told her there was one woman in this house and if she wanted to be that woman then get out and go get her own house but i would not have a child curl her face at me because i wanted a stupid sheet folded.

Now once again, i am feeling like i am wrong. I should not have yelled. She is just a pour pour child who has lost her mother and i am all she has. She came to me crying and said she was sorry she yelled at me and i told her, i can't take anymore, everyday is a hassle with her. Pull her horns in or get out.

Her father has offered to call her eldest sister to take her for awhile but i said no. I feel as if i have failed, i have failed an oath to a dead woman to raise her kids.

I feel so sad. I feel like my head will explode with pressure and i dont know what to do.

Thankyou for hearing me.
RKStayingSane RKStayingSane
41-45
6 Responses Aug 11, 2010

I was that child once. My mother passed when I was much younger than 9. I did and said mean things to the woman my father re-married. And there are plenty of times that I can remember her loosing her temper. I am 29 years old now and I love her and respect her more than I can describe. We are very close. She is my mom, the only mother that I have ever known. She had no children when her and my father met and my father had 2 of his own and was also raising my deceased mother's son from her previous marriage. Blended families can be difficult. It's just growing pains. In the end it all works out with a little understanding, respect, and LOTS of LOVE.

There's a saying "No good deed goes unpunished" and that could not be any more true than when you are dealing with a teenaged girl! You should find yourself a space of your own that you can go to if you feel yourself getting really frustrated. Time and space can often give you the opportunity to pull yourself together and refocus. Keep in mind that you would be fighting with her if she were your own child. You sound like a strong and lovely woman, don't let anything change that.

Hang in there! I know its hard, but the same mistakes you make with them you will make with your own. God will bless you for giving thoes kids your all. I want to send many blessing your way. I know you have a lot of love to give otherwise God would not have put you in the situation.

You're doing great. Parents make mistakes all the time, with their own children, stepchildren, spouses and relatives. You can't love all of them equally, you can't force your personality to tolerate more than humanly possible. On the one hand I think it's easier to be a stepmom if the mother is dead, on the other it's a terrible emotional load on the kids to have to handle bereavement as well as accepting a new person at the same time. Be nice to yourself, if help is offered from relatives accept it by all means, it does not make you a failure but a better mom in the long run.

You're doing great. Parents make mistakes all the time, with their own children, stepchildren, spouses and relatives. You can't love all of them equally, you can't force your personality to tolerate more than humanly possible. On the one hand I think it's easier to be a stepmom if the mother is dead, on the other it's a terrible emotional load on the kids to have to handle bereavement as well as accepting a new person at the same time. Be nice to yourself, if help is offered from relatives accept it by all means, it does not make you a failure but a better mom in the long run.

My heart pours out for you. The 16 year old is ummm 16. Not a pretty age at all. You are human. You made a mistake. Its not the end of the world. Apologize to her. Tell her what you are sorry for AND what you need to change. Start fresh. I can tell that you have such a kind heart. Most people would stress over this. Most would never admit they made a mistake! Again, you are just human. You cant be perfect all the time. My best advice is too seek advice from above.