I Hate My Stepson

I have always hated kids. I started casually seeing a guy that I knew had a kid, but I thought it wasn't going to go anywhere. It turned out that we had so much in common that we eventually were talking about moving in together. I had decided that I wasn't going to let an annoying little 5 year old boy keep me from marrying the man I love. We get his son 2 nights a week, so for those nights I stay in our bedroom until my stepson falls asleep.
My husband knows that I hate his son so he makes sure that his son doesn't bother me. The only interaction I have with my stepson is around two hours a week when I go over letters and numbers with him. My stepson is a complete moron and he just wants to play nintendo and watch tv.  My stepson kind of holds a grudge because I took away his nintendo and limited the amount of tv that he is allowed to watch. I hate my stepson but because I love my husband we made it work.
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42 Responses Mar 5, 2011

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Your marriage is on shaky ground. Your husband's son is not going to go away. He's going to get bigger and may even spend more time at you and your husband's house. In fact, your husband may get full custody of his son as mine did. Then what are you going to do? Are you going to lock yourself in your room all day and night? You shouldn't have married this man. You must not truly love him, and he must not truly love you. If you did, then you wouldn't be treating your husband's son and your husband this way, nor would he allow you to either. Your husband will find another woman and eventually divorce you unless you put on your big-girl pants and start being a good step-parent.

Seriously, I have been STRUGGLING with my step son. SO much.
It's driving me insane. He is SO dramatic and whiny and ...just...just annoying! We have three children. His eldest, our daughter..his dreadfully annoying youngest, our middle....and My only biological son, who's the baby. (age 3). I ADORE the eldest. She is great. We get along SO well...My son and I, of course, are two peas in a pod. He gets on my nerves occasionally...but ..well...he's 3...lol

But, Oh my God, I can't stand his son. He's pathetic...Sad to say...and guiltily so...but I cant take it.

You put a FINGER on him...litterally...just press gently...and he's in tears...Ask him to do ANYTHING? He's whining, jumping up and down...crying...yelling...

He bullies my toddler...he yells at his sister..and I know these types of things are typical kid behaviors and monorisms..but the extent, is what gets me.

This is ALL day, EVERY day...and of course...step mom over here has to say "Your father will address this when he gets home." and 20 minutes goes by after daddy comes home and speaks with his son..and hes back to driving me crazy again.

He never wears appropriate clothing. He NEVER picks up after himself. He is ALWAYS dirty (Like..FILTHY) and I know I know.."boys will be boys"...no...my son is 3 and picks up after himself and washes his hands and face..without being asked..he's 8...really, no excuse..at all..

He climbs into my bed at 6am trying to jump between me and his father....I've literally had to lock my door so he stopped coming into our bedroom.

When I was studying, and typing out a thesis ....he just slammed the top of my computer down...and ran away...


Im over it. I quit speaking to him two weeks ago because I am so over it. My Hubby says it is getting to him how much I dislike his son...

My response was "if he wasnt so much like his moronic mother, maybe I'd get along with him better."

and perhaps thats why I dislike him so much? hes EXACTLY like his mother...(who took off with some dude she just met..got pregnant 3x in 6 months...had 3 abortions, caught HERPES...and now is telling us that she is addicted to drugs and needs money for child support...although...we have full custody..and she never sees them unsupervised..hmmmmm)

It's comforting to know I'm not the only person who feels this way. I also dislike my stepson and after my husband and I married my feelings of dislike for his son have only become worse. He's a nuisance and a thorn in my side. Acts like a baby and is treated like one by my husband and my husbands parents. It's beyond frustrating and at times I find myself wishing we never married.

I am sorry to hear some of these stories. I am a step mother too. Been married to his dad for 9 years and also had 2 boys with him. It is hat trust me. Every step parent goes throw the dislike and hate stage. But it was me who needed to change and still need work on stuff. I ask jesus everyday to forgive me for being ugly to my son. Things have gotten better. My son lies a lot but he does it cause he just wants attention and me to pay attention. He always wanted TV and video games and not do his homework. So I ask him if he got his work done I would play video games with him or make popcorn with a movie. It helped. Theses kids act out cause they hurt. A part of them is missing that they fill it with hate cause what they are missing isn't their and us step parents are and we act on selfishness and what we want and need. I got married to his dad at 22 and became a step parent. We never got to date. I was going to go to college for graphic design and that dream went. I stopped a lot of stuff I loved for this child. Trust me there were days I asked myself what the hell did I do. But I knew god had a planned even though 9 years of marriage been hell. Well all my boys are in school and doing well. My step son calls me mom all the time. Loves his brothers. We but heads sometimes but he apologizes. If you trust in god with things he will help. Be a step parent for the right reason not your reasons. Be prepared it is a battle and a lot of work. Stay strong god will help you. To end this post my husband and I have now got to start dating again while the boys are at school. I think god for giving us strength to make it to this point in our lives.:)

You are a selfish cold hearted evil dumb *****! Poor kiddo. I bet he hates you more than you hate him which is sad because a five year old shouldn't even know the meaning of that emotion. He would be better off without you anywhere near him. If you didn't like kids so much why did you marry a man with one?!?! Money? Can't make it on your own? Nobody else showed you the time of day because you're ugly on the inside and probably just as ugly on the outside? Gold digging, maybe....hmmm.....just seems like desperate on maxed out for you to marry someone that has a child. Do the kiddo a favor. Pack your **** up, file for divorce, and get the **** out of his life.

I was just about to reply to this lady a comment like this. I have a step mum and she is really rude and mean to me, I hate her because she is mean and rude to me always makes me cry. Good on you for telling this lady what is right

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I recently moved in with my boyfriend KNOWING how much of a pain in the rear his 7 year old son is. I moved in with him because I love him and I thought I would be able to manage being a step mom to his kid. He has his son Friday-Sunday one week yes another one no and every Wednesday. How I HATE the weekends when his son is around! I hate them to death. His kid is a smart *** punk who needs to get a good beating every now and then. He does not listen, he does not eat, you practically have to force feed him, he NEVER takes no for an answer and he is the most annoying little brat in Earth! I spoke to my boyfriend precisely today about how I was feeling and I feel that the only thing left for me to do is move back in with my mother because I just can't TAKE his son or the idea of his son AT ALL!

Good idea... Run. You should be happy.

Relationships go both ways even with kids and respect should as well. As an adult we should know better than to want to hurt a helpless little kid. Grow up and do not get involved with anyone else with kids if this is how bad you feel. Learn to think before you do. Kids learn from adults. Your immaturity does not set a good example. Some of these posts are very selfish. Love is caring and kind not selfish. I yelled at an ex's son long ago when I was around your age Carmela. I am sorry I was so mean, selfish, and immature.

I met my husband when my stepson was 3. My husband had been open about what went wrong in his relationship with my SS mother and he also expressed his dissatisfaction with the way my SS was being raised. At the time he was only seeing the boy occasionally but was sending his child support payments. I immediately felt sorry for the boy and I encouraged my then boyfriend to continue supporting his son. I was the product of deadbeat father and therefore knew firsthand how kids suffer in those situations.
Two years later I got a daughter and subsequently married my husband. My SS mother had given him over to my husband (just before the wedding) stating that she couldn't handle him and she was giving him to his dad who could care for him. When my husband asked me if he could bring his son into our home for us to raise him, I agreed. I foolishly felt that it was going to be similar to helping raise my siblings or the many other children I had helped with. I WAS SO WRONG.
The boy first off did not want me around. One day he asked me what don't I just leave his father and go get another man. I was surprised. When we got the boy, he was malnourished, had bronchitis, no social skills and was way behind in school. My husband was a hand off father and left me to handle everything for the boy. All school related activities, church, doctor visits, clothes, birthdays and social activities; everything was for me to do. The boy on the other hand didn't make it easy for me. He refused to eat anything I give him and was always hungry. He'd dump my food all over the house and then go to his paternal grandparent’s house to eat. It is hell trying to get a malnourished child healthy when he doesn't eat anything you give him. He refused to do his homework when I tried to work with him. And the school was demanding that he do his homework because he was so far behind. He just did not do anything I asked. He just had this passive aggressive attitude. And then whenever my husband's relatives visit, he'd start crying and going on like I was trying to murder him before they arrived. This caused my husband's relatives to be mean to me and be sympathetic to him. Whenever he visited his mom he’d come back and be worse, even saying things he heard his mom saying about me like I’m ugly and fat.
His attitude got worse and worse and then, one summer he went to visit him mother who had moved to another country and she did not send him back. I was relieved and again I told my husband to resume sending child payments. Of course during that time the boy would visit for holidays and he'd bring these dismal report cards (40 - 59%). And we'd hear about his bad behavior from his mom and grandmother.
Just when the boy was 13 again the mother started complaining even more about his behavior and then she sent him back to us. This time I told my husband he needed to be involved in the raising for the boy since I figured he'd gotten older and worse. This time I was right.
Since he'd been with us all that has improved is that he's doing somewhat better academically (60 - 75%) because we put him in private school. He lies so much I don't know when he's telling the truth. He does not respect us. He rarely does anything we tell him to do, and if he does attempt it, he does a poor job and with all the sourness and attitude. He steals things especially food even though he doesn't need to. He drinks and even came home roaring drunk once; has sex with several girls; is always sexting; he even brings girls to our home for sex. All he wants is money and when we refuse to give him he bullies his mom. He does not care anything we give him and it's just a waste giving him anything. Everything ends up broken and in the yard. He's selfish and proudly announces that he does share. He hates my youngest daughter and treats her badly. I had to warn him about hitting her. She on the other hand is always trying to be friendly with him and that makes it easy for him to mistreat her. My daughter has now changed from this ridiculously happy child to a moody fretful child that's always snapping at people. He actually told me to my face he does not like her. He skulks from school. He bullied and slapped a girl at school on International Women’s Day and ended up in counseling. He has his school leaving exams coming up and he is refusing to study for them. His passes at these exams will determine if he can go on to university or to that place where people who fail their exams go after. All this after my husband has spent thousands of money on his education.
I’ve tried it all, being firm, being the friend, being sympathetic stepmom nothing works. Now he’s thrashing my name to my husband’s relatives and they are trying to talk to my husband about me ‘ill-treatment’ of his son. He’s going about trying to get sympathy from everyone, even his stepfather who he claimed was SO evil to him when he lived with his mom.
I feel like I’ve worked hard and lost dearly since all my time and money was put into someone who not just hates me, but is endangering my kids by exposing them to his rotten behaviour. Now even my kids are beginning to exhibit his behaviour. It’s like he is undoing all the things I’ve taught them from birth. Some days I’m just praying for him to leave my home in peace. But now my husband wants him to stay with us and attend university near home. My husband realizes what is going on with the boy, but he is afraid to let him go because he wants the best for his son and he doesn’t have anyone else who is willing to keep him.
Things can only get worse for me and my family with him around and it’s making me very depressed.

It's a split decision. You cannot help who you fall in live with. They saying "marry someone with kids, you marry the whole package" is crazy. There are alot of marriages that I have seen that are broken up because of kids/stepkids. If there were no children involved, they would've been the perfect couple. My stepson, 15, two days ago told me he hates my guts and doesn't have to listen to me, will never call me mom and doesn't want anything to do with me. I've been with his dad 3 1/2 years. What do you do? Smile and let the ingnoring and dirty looks pretend they don't bother you. My opinion of him changed that day, my heart sunk and I am saddened by this. It's tough. People say be the adult, well I have feelings too. There is no law that says you must love your step kids as your own. Which I have been doing. But the love in NOT unconditional. They are NOT your kids. He has no mom. Her legal rights were taken away when he was 9 and she is in prison now. It's not like he can stay with her on weekends. He's with us 24/7 and it's usually not pleasant. As far as talking, when you get I don't want to talk to you, listen to you, see you or have anything to do with you, what do you do? I read earlier or on another site about not wanting to come home from work or do whatever I can to stay out of the house. Makes me feel better anyway. My husband knows his son is a pain the the butt. We have him in counseling, which he hates going to. His dad says it will pass. Let's hope so!

I have a 20 year old stepson, that I would just like to bitchslap to his knees. My wife and I were married about 7 months ago, then he moved in. Ever since, he has been an obnoxious piece of crap. He does nothing to help around the house, he works full time and does not pay us 1cent for groceries, rent or anything. Kicks his mom out of the bathroom when she is getting ready for work. Gives me dirty looks and mocks me. Wont say hi back when I do. Him and his stupid *** girlfriend talk about me and laugh behind my back. Always calling women ***** and just good for sex. Last but not least, always farts during meals. All I want to do, is knock his skinney *** out.

you lady are a monster hating a 5 year old u have some fraking problems ok lady now ur husband is crazy for marring u and he knows u hate his son u need some help lady

Nancy Mitchell are you a crack head or a drunk?? These kids are useless bastards who disrespect their birth father never mind the step mother!!! I am in this situation and have s 12 year old daughter who is smart and respects me as I am her mother not her friend!! My boyfriend on the other hand has an 11 year old bastard that bullies at school, mouths off to teachers calls me a ***** and is a spoiled rotten little ****! He is on the computer 24/7 playing idiot games, he can't write, read or carry on a conversation. Oh but he can shop a puck!!! His mother is a jealous ***** and makes my boyfriends life hell constantly texting, phoning, and calling about the moron son!! She didn't want to be married after my boyfriend paid 80k to knock her up because the ***** was sterile!! But she can't stand that her ex is with me do she won't speak to me! The best part is she paid $2500 to try and get him diagnosed with ADHD and it never happened the psychologist said he had BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS and needed extensive intervention to learn respect for others!!! Then the stupid ***** mother put him on Ritalin and increased the dosage 3 times! He is still a little *******!! My daughter hates him and do do I. My boyfriend now makes smart *** remarks to my daughter because she is normal and smart and his boy is a **** head looser. Must be embarrassing to have a piece of **** you paid money to have !

I know how your feeling. been married for 5 yrs , we have 4 yrs old girl , his son is 10 soon be 11 and he is everything tv and video games , and everytime he is around put my dauther crazy and I know she is crazy enough but them have to deal with that he try kill my daugther with pillow 3 yrs ago and then he said he was just playing, let pass that and then he push her out couch she get hit on the floor so tell my hubby the 3 one he do to her call police . He been really good . But now I pregnant again 30 weeks and he been coughing all danmm weekend and told my husband he cant bee around ours cant be sick , and he dont care he said he not want push his son away.

I totally understand! I have a 20 yr old step son who is also a complete moron! Spitting image of his father! My wife and I have been together for 15 years now.. So I saw this coming a long time ago. Presently, he is still a moron.. Only older, taller, fatter, and of course lazier! 20 years old, without a pot to **** in! His mother is and always has been in complete denial. So I know how you feel.. And I bet you know what the future holds. Good luck!


I think you are a selfish ***** who doesn't deserve a husband or children your heartless *****

yes you are so right about this ***** she is a heartless monster and i hope her husbands leaves her

I think you're both judgmental b******. Someone dares to be honest about how she feels and here's how you reward her. Hypocrites. How often do you two organize stoning parties in your neighborhoods, and did your pathetic self-esteems get a rise from wishing ill upon someone?

Oh, and btw? Wish ill upon someone, it doubles back on you. That goes for the internet as well. Think about that before you trash talk someone whom you've never seen face to face, you witches.

Whatever. Just goes to show that stupidity and hatefulness are contagious....obviously you caught both. I think she is a dumb **** for treating a five year old like that. Children are innocent until adults ruin it for them. You're a dumb **** just like her.

wow in my opinion that child is in danger.. your sick.. <br />
I would recommend you spend your nights with someone else<br />
so you don't see that kid at all<br />
no kid deserves such disrespect

Give the kid a break he is 5 years old and this transition is obviously hard on him as well. As the step Mother you should not be the one disciplining him that is his Dad's job. I will bet that if you change the tape playing in your head about hating kids to kids are just that kids and they all deserve unconditional love. After all he is part of your husband he has 1/2 of his DNA. It is impossible to be a moron at 5 their little brains have not developed. It is up to you to write on his slate that is is a good kid and love able. Even if you don't feel that way, eventually you will. I have a 21 y.o. Son that hates kids also. It is a constant battle but is beginning to put up with the neighbor kids.

You rock!

When I met my husband he had an 18 year old senior in high school and I had an 8 and 10 year old. His son graduated and moved out of his house and moved in with his cousins. I never had to live with him. When we got married, we moved to a new house and my husband is a great step-dad to my kids. He respects the boundaries and doesn't try to push them too much, but he does insist on respect and especially he supports my decisions and insists they respect me. He loves them and they know it. My ex-husband has made it really difficult on all of us, we share 50/50 custody. He is so insecure that my kids are constantly having to reassure him. My husband tries to show the boys he loves them and be involved, but doesn't overstep his boundaries to cause the boys dad to have verbal ourbursts and make the boys feel guilty and bad. They act so much differently around us then they do around their dad. It is so weird. I see my kids being layed back and relaxed around us, and then around their dad they are uptight, nervous, and withdrawn. Anyway, the reason I started this post... my now 20 year old step-son.... he is lazy and irresponsible. I have tried to help him and encourage him. He has done nothing since graduating from highschool. He lives off his cousins and half sisters and has no responsibilities. I helped him get set up for school, but he never attended. I put him on my health care insurance, gave him my brand new $500 bed, we gave him several hundreds of dollars to move in with his sisters to help with the deposit, we paid for his cell phone. I encourage my husband to talk to his son about getting a job or going to school, doing something with his life. He always has an excuse as to why he hasn't done anything. He just got his drivers license at age 20 after failing the test about 4 times. I spoke to his sisters to see what we could do to help get him motivated, they were very concerned also. I said sometimes tough love is the only way, and maybe they need to tell him he needs to have a job and start contributing within 6 months or he needs to move out. He won't talk to me now. I still pay for his medical insurance and we were still paying for his cell phone. I said, if he is going to disrespect me, then he is no longer going to get his cell phone paid and medical insurance. I think it's fair, I will no longer enable him. My husband agrees, although I know it hurts him because it's his son, but I don't think it's right to keep supporting him. His sisters and cousins are just enabling him to be a lazy person, he has no reason to get a job. I won't contribute to that lifestyle any longer.<br />
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To the person who started this thread...I'm sorry you hate kids and now find yourself married to a man who has a child, but that was your choice and you knew it going into the marriage, the child didn't have a choice on who his step mom was going to be or I'm sure he would have chosen a step-mom who loves kids. I know not everyone likes kids and it shows responsibility that you never had any of your own. I hope you and your husband can find a way to make your relationship work without it causing harm to his child. It's not his child's fault that you hate kids and his child should not have to suffer for it either. I feel that a person's child should be their 1st priority. He helped to bring that person into this world. I'm sorry that you find yourself in love with a man who has children, it would have been better if you had fallen in love with someone who shares your feelings about kids, but we can't always choose who we love! Good luck to you and your family, I pray you can find the strength and courage to do what's right for that child and I hope that your husband does not start to resent you for hurting his child and his relationship with his child.

I am a widower with 3 children. My priorities are straight. Did you selfish-*** b&@$! ever consider the fact that it should be YOU who is kick out of the house?! I truly look forward to the day when your husbands come to their senses, stop thinking with their di&@s, and shoo away the real problem in the family!

Well, don't you just deserve a halo, you self-righteous jerk? What a bitter, angry, judgmental jerk you must be. At least you won't have to worry about dealing with a woman yourself -- no woman would put up with someone like you.

I'm a woman....a real woman.....you are a dumb hateful and self centered little girl.....which is sad because I'm certain I am much younger than your old bitter dried up va jay jay self.

I have an 8 year old step son and I don't like to use the word "hate" but I really really really dislike him. He has issues, he is rude, my husband feels guilty for whatever reason and kisses his *** all the time, he is so manipulative, and just annoying. We have tried to take family trips together and it has ended in my husband renting a car to drive him back while I take our car with my son and continue on the trip. The child has ruined maybe nights out, such as bowling and concerts in the park. He using bad words and has extermeme fits. He has been seeing a doctor for is issues and so far they have said he has severe anixeity, which I believe however it has to be more than that. This child is crazy. I love my husband but find it so unattractive that he has such and unlikeable child. It is ruining our marriage. I can't look past it. When he has him, which is suppose to be Tues, Thurs and every other weekend, but ends up being more because the childs mother can't get her schedule right, I stay away. I let them do their thing and I go off and do mine. My husband is fine with it for a little while then he starts to complain about it. I just don't know what to do because it is ruining my relationship and ruining my feelings for my husband. This child makes him appear to be such a pushover which I do not find attractive.

I understand the frustration, anger, resentment, fear etc all too well. I have a step kid with my DH and a 17 month old son and another on the way. I do not hate my stepchild but there are times I sure hate his behaviour, the lying, the manipulation, the whining, the disrespect he shows to not only me but his Dad, his karate instructor even. His mother is horrid and is neglectful and doesn't really care if she sees him (she's also somewhat mentally ill) so I have empathy that this poor kid has a dirtbag mother who lies to him constantly and breaks his heart. However, his Dad is very involved, does lots of things with him and is a great, great Dad. It never seems to be enough. I get fed up at times even though I really want what is best for my stepchild, I want for him to grow up to be a responsible, well-adjusted and considerate man although increasingly, due to his idiot mother's influence I have little hope of this happening.<br />
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I believe stepmothers have tons of guilt heaped on them about stepchildren, that we must love them like they are our own, even when their mother is in the picture. Stepfathers are not expected to be "maternal" so they have it easier. We're expected to bend over backwards for a child that isn't even ours. <br />
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Also, adults are allowed to have adult relationships..

My step son won't stop hugging me and I know it shouldn't bother me but it does...he stares at me all he time, seeking approval my mom says but it buggs the **** out of me....hismom calls maybe 1 time a week if he's lucky andI hate his real mom and I hate when he calls her, or she calls him. Hecries because he misses her and does bad in school because he thinks she doesn't care. I hae to deal with this because my boyfriends at work.......just when I think my step son and I have made progress his mom f's it up by calling and saying oh I miss you and why did you fail to call me....bla bla bla I hate that it bothers me but it does because it hurts the kid....she's on drugs just leave us alone pleeez.....and why is this 13 year old so dumb ? He has no common sense and I want to throw him out htewindow sometimes...

13 year olds (especially boys) dont ahve common sense, fact of life. if the mother is on drugs (and you can prove it) you may be able to get her to forfeit all visitation and contact rights. it sounds bad since shes the mother but she isnt doing her child any favors and in my opinion indirectly abusing her child

interesting that you would dish a mother who is not there and yet sound like a horrible step mother/girl friend/caregiver your self..
find other adults who will want these kids
so they can become emotionally healthy adults

Wow! There is plenty of evidence here to know you need to get out of this relationship because whatever you're in this for (money, security, chemistry, whatever) it certainly isn't love.

I don't hate my stepson or stepdaughter. I have 2 bio children. All 4 are the same age.<br />
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I hate that my stepchildren have no rules, no accountability, no responsibility and no discipline.<br />
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I hate that my husband whom I love and whom my children love as their stepdad is so weak when it comes to his son in particular.<br />
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I hate seeing the notes from the school begging the parents of this problem child, yes problem child to talk to him, to do something to get him on track.<br />
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I hate my step sons behavior and for that reason and that reason alone, I don't like him. I try to find something good in him but he is a walking ball of chaos. Something is always broken when he is there, or someone is hurt, or he is lying or fighting with my husband.<br />
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I hate watching the years he is taking off my husband. The pain he causes my husband. I hate thinking of the day he destroys the man I love completely with his actions because that is where he is heading.<br />
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We have my step children 50% of the time. We have my bio children 70% of the time. We have 2 sets of rules and expectations in this house - we practically live divided. <br />
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I used to be embarrassed by my step sons behavior in public but now I have decided I can't take responsibility and am not accountable for a child that I am not allowed to participate in raising. I am allowed to be the maid, driver and cook. Correction, I am expected to be everything a mom is but not allowed any control, decisions, not allowed to discipline - therefore how this child turns out at this point is up to his completely functional parents - both of whom don't seem to give a **** he is flunking the first grade.<br />
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Yes, all this chaos is a 7 year old.<br />
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I love my husband, my children love their step dad. His kids tolerate me as I tolerate them. My husband has it easy, my kids are to respect him, listen to him - I set that up from day 1. It established them all a good relationship. His kids were taught to hate me from their mother and never corrected from their father. Its a lose lose and I may be the adult but even adults have limits. I am done.<br />
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My husband is to blame for how his kids are allowed to act. My husband is choosing to do nothing. The end result is his kids are barely tolerable.<br />
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What can a step mother really do - I have 0 rights. I am tired. I do not hate the children but I do hate the behavior and am resentful that its allowed to continue. I hate the chaos they bring with them and what it does to my husband.<br />
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A day doesn't go by when I don't wish my step sons mother would just step in and take him full time - however, she is too busy with her personal life to raise the problem they have created together.<br />
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My own mother condemned me - its not right, you should act more like a mother with them, you need to find the good in them, you are angry with the children but should be angry with the father. Yes, I agree, I am angry with the father - but unless I sit him down and tell him how to raise his friggin kids which would likely end my marriage and nothing will change for his kids anyway - whats the point - I choose to wait it out. However, my mother then came and stayed for a few weeks. She left saying, its a hard way to live, if nothing changes you are in for a world of trouble when that kid becomes a teenager. Thanks mom.<br />
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Is the man worth it? My leaving won't benefit his kids - if anything it will get harder for them as they will lose their maid, cook and driver. It will hurt my kids, it will hurt me and it will hurt my husband. So at what point do you decide to pull out?

actually leaving, even on a temporary basis may help him and his kids it shows them that there are repercussions for your actions and decisions, if he can raise his own kid he loses you and EVERYTHING that you OBVIOUSLY do for both him and your son, even if its temporary it may be just the jump start or slap in the face he needs to get in gear and get his child in gear

What a bunch of selfish selfish adults. <br />
NO ONE FORCED YOU INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ADULT WHO HAD A CHILD TO RAISE. You came SECOND. Your spouse GAVE BIRTH to someone before he or she even met you. You weren't tricked or fooled or manipulated and YOU HAD A CHOICE.

But OP got into a relationship with the man NOT the child.
What's with all the entitled kids on this thread?

Doesn't matter. When you take the man you take his child, especially if the mother has no contact with the child. its a package deal, if you cant be a good stepmother you have no business being with a man who has a kid (granted after reading some of these posts its clear that its the way the father is raising the child and not the step mothers fault but a lot seem to be the step mothers fault). And it works both ways. My dad treats his step daughter like his own daughter and they have a good relationship as a result, my step mom has physically, emotionally, mentally and verbally ABUSED both me and my sister (her stepdaughter) since we were children. i mean my sister was in 3rd grade and was having trouble learning to tell time so my step mother slammed her face into a clock numer times until the clock broke, then pulled the chair out from under her then proceeded to STAND on her stomach (keep in mind my sister is in 3rd grade at this time and my step mom is over 250lbs) and that is just the very TIP of the iceberg.

@Tamzi, I am wondering the same thing.

The point of this thread was to vent to someone that might have an understanding ear or be able to<br />
offer pointers on how to deal with or make things better. Those of you attacking and calling names do nothing but reinforce what she is saying( especially the kids responding that know nothing about what she is going through.) She is saying she does not like kids period, not just this one. She needs to see if she can find out why she does not like kids and deal with that. The child is 5 so there is plently of time to build a relationship. <br />
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I have a 9 year old step son that has been so spoiled its become extremely annoying. Alot of this has to do with his Dad ( my boy friend) leaving him with his grandparents. He refuses to eat anything at our house even though he eats the same thing at their house. He has repeatidly hurt my 4 year old son. Unbuckling him and letting him fall out of as raised suburban on his head, "accidently" hitting him with stuff but the thing is it happens so often there is no way it is on accident. If anything is said to him about his behavior he stares at you like an idiot, does not repond, does not take responsibility for anything he does. He cries so he doesn't get in trouble and until I started putting my foot down, it worked everytime. We finally got him on medicine for ADHD ( although I was against it at first, it does seem to help alittle) I believe that medicine is often used to treat misbehavior and not actual medical issues) so now if he is bad its not because he is being bad its because his dosage must need to be elevated or something equally as absurd that is used as an excuse.<br />
I am, by nature, a quiet person. I don't let my own children scream and yell and talk constantly but my stepson does all of this. When he is asked to quiet down, he just keeps running his mouth. He blames other people for things he does constantly trying to get them in trouble, he will out right lie and say my 4 year old done something he didn't. For example, they were playing with bubbles on the porch and my 4 year old spilled some on his pants. My step son told me this but I was unable to go to them right at that moment so I asked my boyfriend to, he told my boyfriend my 4 year old used the bathroom in his pants and my boyfriend then spanked my 4 year old. I heard him crying and went to check, his underwear were not even wet, only his pants. Yes, my boyfriend should of checked closer but at the same time my stepson just outright lied trying to get the 4 year old in trouble. I made my boyfriend say he was sorry and then spank his own son for lieing on my 4 year old. I am not saying my children are without issues, no children are.. I just do not know how to deal with his son. I am not saying he is retarded or anything but he is not on the same intelligence level as my children are, I believe, because of his family constantly treating him like a baby. <br />
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I am just lost, i've honestly been trying so hard because I am asking my boyfriend to accept my 14 yr old and my 4 yr old boys and it is a trade off.. we now have a 10 month old of our own and I am almost 8 months pregnant with another boy. I am just so lost and I don't know how to handle his son, the annoyance has become extreme dislike and I hate feeling that toward a child, even if it is well earned.

you people are pathetic monsters, and selfish, you married a man or woman that had kids, ******* deal with it you disgusting pieces of ****. It's people like you that end up abusing step kids, or making a father or mother have to choose between you and their own child, your so ******* disgusting.

Your obviously 13 years old because that was not an adult statement. If your not a child then your have a mouth like a sailor and sound very immature. You probably do not have step children and have no idea the crap we go through.

I can relate - somewhat anyways. My stepson used to be a great kid, behaved, had a great attitude and manners and then the mom moved to Texas (we're in Virginia) thus ripping the kid from his normal environment and family. He comes to visit us during the summertime and now during Christmas this year. He's 11 years old now and has apparently been getting into trouble at school. There is no discipline or structure in his current living situation - he gets yelled at a lot which in turn he ignores. In our home we have structure that he used to follow and obey. Now, he is the rudest kid I've ever met and so disrespectful of me and his father. And really anyone he comes in contact with. He used to be so appreciative of the things we did for him because he never had much with his mother. Now, nothing is good enough and he either ruins or breaks things. I'm currently pregnant and the last thing I want to deal with is a whiny, disrespectful 11 year old who I am beginning to resent. I have no patience anymore and can't deal with the way he acts in our home. I don't like spending hundreds of dollars on plane tickets when I don't even want him here. I really just needed to vent to others who understand because no one else around me seems to.

Lucky you. My stepson is a complete idiot and he's 23. Can't do anything without his Mommy making every decision. Here's to enabling...Cheers!

I hope i dont get a stepmom like the one who started this thread.. I have a problem with authority. If she doesn't respect me theres no way in hell im gonna respect her thats for sure.. I'll ignore her anything possible so i dont have to be near her.. Plus no one gives me order unless its my mom or dad..They dont tell u what to do or discipline, that's the parents job if my stepmom were to be really nice to me and i see they care about me ill respect them and give back in return

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. He has a 10 yr old son. When I met my boyfriend he told me that there were issues with his son. I tried to help and make the father-son relationship better, which in time it happened. My reward? Father and son went on vacations overseas for one month and left me here.... What I have now? Resentment, jealousy and losing feelings towards my boyfriend (he asked me to marry him quite a few times during the last month.. but I keep saying "no"). Anyway, I have realized that the biggest problem is not the kid (I used to like this boy at the beginning).. it's the way their biological parents rise them (no discipline, self centered, self entitled, disrespectful, selfish, etc. etc). Even though the mother of that child had custody, his father wanted to pick him up every weekend, every day off.. our relationship hasn't been the same.. not for me at least...<br />
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Note: when his father said the boy has issues, he was referring to his son pulling out knives, when he is denied anything, yelling and screaming, faking tears -the boy told me he does it by closing tight his eyes!??-, etc. etc... The mother of that child doesn't want custoy of that child, so do his grandparents... Who would want to be with a child like that? I told my soon to be ex boyfriend how to handle things. He just doesn't listen... I just know that my love is dissapearing slowly but steady....

no offense but you seem really heartless to kids.. and that i have a stepdad and i love him is always treating me and loved me like if he had a bio child, but you i dont see how men with kids could stand your behavior. After reading ur post and other ppls comments im even more skeptical bout my dads gf's.. Bf's and Gf's are replaceable, Kids aren't. Your post irked me a lot and im a 16yr old kid. If my dad met u and tried dating u and after i met u and knew u didnt care for kids id tell him to dump ur *** my dad goes off my decision whether i like u or not, and so does my mom ur husband is pathetic.I feel bad for ur stepson. My mom and Stepdad are gonna be having a baby and im happy im gonna be an older half brother. Im srry im giving u so much grief but i couldnt hold my mouth shut.. i believe all stepkids should be loved these are words from a 16 year old

I don't hate my step-son, but I despise the way he was raised by his mother. He is disrespectful without knowing it, he lies, he is insecure and at 13 years old, he can do better with hygiene - like a lot better. My step-son learned well through the divorce and tried to get what he wants by whining and crying when my husband talks to him. I don't hide and really care for him, but I'm raising this young man who's 13; I didn't get him when he was a baby. I'm just having a tough time trying to teach him what he should have learned which is the importance of family, respect and discipline. Since his mom lost custody of him, she's been such an insecure B**** and I have to remind her son to actually contact her and say good night, etc. UGHHHH! This is a challenging situation and God help me because I am going to go crazy one of these days.

I hate my step son too! I don't know who to talk to about it. He is irratating, fat, clingying, and a bad influence on my 4year old. I've been trying to accept him for over 2 years now and I just cannot! I honestly hate him. I have thoughts of physically hurting him, I've even began to break his toys and throw them away to get some kind of satisfaction when he is around instead of screaming. His mother parenting techniques include video games, TV, and food. I am very set in my own parenting ways, I do NOT allow my son to play video games unless they are for learning purposes, I make him go outside everyday (weather permitting), make him eat healthy and no second helpings, etc etc. My fiance does not seem to back me up on the issues with his son. But then again I am afraid and don't know exactly how to talk to him about it. He is quite aware of my dislike but I doubt he realizes it's turned to hatred. He has other children too whom are older and don't bother with us much (thank goodness)! I just don't know what to do anymore. I love my fiance but just really wish he wasn't "damaged goods" lol. I feel bad for my friends but they are the only people I have to vent to. My stepson is a coniving little bastard as well. He hits my son, he's mean to him, but I can't ever prove it or it stops just as I walk in the room! UGH!!!!! Someonehelp me

I understand your pain! I have been married for 14 years and my stepson is 17 which means I have been in his life since he was 2. My husband had custody of him and his mother was absent from his life for periods of time. After we married, the mom returned and wanted visitation which was fine as I felt that he deserved a relationship with her. Shortly after her return I became my stepson's enemy and he carried out a multitude of 'crimes' against me and the household. He would visit his mother and she would call my husband to find out what we did to get my stepson to go to sleep, eat, bathe, etc. At 7, he wanted to live with his mom and my husband agreed which was a huge mistake! My stepson was arrested twice and dropped out of school recently (mom allowed him to drop out). I am angry at him for not reaching his potential and following his mother around like a puppy dog. I am mad at his mom for not being a mother. I am mad at my husband for not having a set of balls to stand up to the two of them. I find myself standing up to both the ex-wife and my stepson sometimes defending my husband. I get so frustrated with the situation that sometimes I say unpleasant things to my husband. We have tried counseling, but my stepson will not talk in the sessions so we stopped going. I was tired of wasting my money. My husband and I have two other children and his problems affect everyone. Any suggestions?

Ack! Sorry to hear that EvilStepMom34, but your step son is an ungrateful bas****! But who is at that age anyway, and I hope that he comes around soon and realizes who has really been there for him. One thing for sure, don't let the crazy EX and the step son drive a wedge between you and your husband. THEY will do that, no matter what and you both hold on to each other tightly with love and support. 17 is a tricky age already, add the blended dynamics, I'm sure this kid is toting around a bag of issues. I'm sure your stepson has been told lies when he's with his mom. Focus on the ones that love you and it's okay to pull back. Easier said than done, but I hope you learn not to go after the one that doesn't want your help. Focus on your other 2 children. If he really wants you guys, he'll know what to do. Sorry about what you're being put through and good luck.

I also hate hate hate hate my step son.<br />
lucky for you, you only have him occasionally.<br />
We have sole custody of mine and no visitation from his mother!<br />
He is the biggest ******* I have EVER come across and I really really really wish he would disappear. I know I know I sound like a horrible person, but I really don't care! NO ONE knows this kid and the hell he puts me and my other step son and my two bio kids through.<br />
He was diagnosed as bipolar with psychosis, ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) which they say if not handled by age 8 leads to Conduct Disorder (the disorder most juvenile delinquints have) Well he's 7 1/2, we've tried doctors, medications, counseling, all I can say is I can't wait till he's old enough to really **** up and they just take his f@^king *** to juvenile hall so I don't even have to look at him anymore!

Being a stepmom has become completely intolerable for me as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my stepson, who is 5, but his behavior and attitude are just impossible to deal with. <br />
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I married my husband almost 2 years ago well aware and happy about him having a young son. Together, we all had tons of fun together. My husband and I also have a 14 month old daughter together. Back to step-parenting, I did have an issue though that I refused to back down on though... the child had no boundaries and no rules! So fine, we will change that and husband agrees... 2 years later I still have to fit about the SAME PROBLEMS every time that stepson is with us. I just do not get it. He manipulates everyone around him to get his way and has no concept of playing with other children and having FUN BEING A KID!!! He only has fun when no attention is paid to his sister and either my husband or I watch him play with his toys... Ohhh, or he will watch TV for a few mins. What attitude and behavioral problems am I talking about? <br />
1. Refuses to eat anything other than chicken nuggets and fries (unless it is candy)<br />
2. Cannot go to sleep by himself at night, Daddy has to sleep on the floor in his room<br />
3. Wakes up SCREAMING and CRYING in the middle of the night b/c he is bored<br />
4. Cannot play with other children, IE. Water balloon games at last nephews b-day party... Stepson wanted ALLLLL day for the ballooning to begin!! The very second that he got hit and wet by a water balloon, he FLIPPPPPPED out, kicking and screaming. He hated the other kids for doing that to him, threw himself on the ground... it was just a total embarrassment.<br />
5. EVERY time that we make him do a "time out" - he yells and cries and threatens his mother on us... Either saying I am telling her OR she would never do this to me!! (Time out = sit on the couch silent w/no TV, Stand against the wall - facing the wall, OR if he was really bad (from lets say pushing his sister off the couch or throwing a plate of food on the floor b/c its "not his favorite) he will get sent to his room to lay down. <br />
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There are a few examples for those that chose to read my posting. Trust me, I get that he has a lot on his plate with mommy and daddy being separated... but for me , I am getting to the point where I am questioning the mental cost of all of this to me... Sometimes I wish I could just take my daughter and RUN AWAY forever. :( Bottom line is ... BEING A STEP-PARENT IS HARDER THAN PEOPLE REALIZE!!!!

Dear Bibbobjunk:<br />
I think every situation is different maybe everything that has happened is not written down I don’t think you can put what happen to you on someone else…<br />
I too have a stepson I don’t get along with and my husband and I live in two different houses he lives with his 1st son and I live with our son and my two other children but it is not my stepson I am angry with I am angry with my husband the boys mother has major issues so when he came to live with us at the age of 2 ½ I thought it was best for me to try and make him apart of the family I read to him every night before he went to bed I was trying to teach him his colors normal mom things I even potty trained him, where it went wrong was my husband never disciplined him he was always breaking things I told him all young children need rules and discipline he did none of it got to the point where he was 3 and was tearing up the edge of the carpet ripping the curtains not listening to me sticky his tongue out at me when his dad wasn’t looking at the age of 3 he knew how to manipulate his dad we were screaming and fighting all the time he treated him different there our 11 month old although I can’t stand my step sons behavior the person I am pissed with his my husband he has aloud his son to dictate to us and cause us to fight instead of being a united front.

I am in the exact same boat! I resent my boyfriend for not disciplining his son. We argue all the time about it, because his son gets away with everything. His son is now four and the only way to get him to do anything at all is a spanking. I hate to spank him, but I try to do whats best for him and I am LITERALLY the only person his life who looks at the big picture. he cries when hes in trouble, and he says "i'm crying!!" so he knows his dad and grandparents will just drop it. it's ridiculous how the adults in his life refuse to take control at all (because he IS a handful).

I have a step son that five yrs ago when he was 20 he moved in with us and my two sons who were 8 and 11. He was jealous that his dad more or less abanden him his mother took off and married a guy off the internet and moved to Canada with him so he came to live with us against my wishes. He started verbally abuseing my boys calling them "*******" and other things then he was punching them in the legs and arms and he tied them up and for the grand finally he twisted ones head back to his butt and gad a choke hold on the other. Needless to say I told my husband hes out of here. My husband and I had "marital" problems ever since. I insist that any family function we have hes not invited and any other function I dont go to because I still dont want him around my kids. My husband and his other two sons think I need to "get over it" but I cant and wont myhusband and I r headed for a divorce due to this he claims he wants to see his son whom lives in another state and is in the military and only "comes home" at holidays. I never said my husband cant see him I just said he is to never set foot on our (my) property and I dont take my kids anywhere I think he may be. I feel Im trying to protect my kids. What would u do in this situation?

I am a stepson, and my stepmother has often done things like go hide in her room until I left. I have resented this kind of behavior my entire life. As I got older, I just stopped going around as much. My now wife even noticed this type of behavior from my stepmother when we first started dating (which was a relief b/c I finally knew that it wasn't just me). <br />
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It's ashame that she has always chosen to be a *****, b/c we could have had a relationship of some sort. She's not my mother, and I never wanted her to be, but I know people who have really good relationships with their step-parents. She has also ruined or at least seriously dampened the relationship that I have with my father. <br />
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I never felt that I was in competition with my step-mother for my father's attention, but I always got the impression that she did. They lived together & had a family - I just visited occasionally. The only thing that I wanted was to not be made to feel like an unwelcome visitor. I would rather never see my father than to be a unwelcome visitor in their house.<br />
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I for one think that you are being a ridiculous selfish little ****. If you think the kid watches too much TV, then take him to a museum - give him new experiences. You are an adult - he is a child. Trying forging a relationship with the boy. A boy needs to have a good relationship with his father, and as he gets older your selfish behavior will begin to get in the way. There is no way he can compete with you, so if your goal is to win - I promise you will, but at what cost?<br />
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If I had a kid & my wife treated my kid the way you act towards your husband's kid - I would have left you. Your husband is pathetic for tolerating your behavior, and you are pathetic for behaving that way toward a child.

Bigbojunk, I have a question for you since you posted about your stepmom a few months ago. I can see you're an adult step son. How do I deal with a diresprctful 24 yr old step son who doesnt give me the time of day? Doesnt even look at me when he walks into the room. Addresses his dad only. Lives in my home, doesn't pay rent, expects his father to pay for expensive trips for him to Hawaii, etc., with his friends. Brings young ladies at least once a week to sleep over which I have had the luxury of hearing his sexual escapades through the door. His father has asked him to stop to which he responded to his dad "Why?! You're an A**!" I have two more daughters still living at home, one of which is only 9 yrs old. and doesn't need to see young girls strutting in and out of his room like it's acceptable. So I've resorted to going to my room when he comes home because he's seriously on my last nerve. I can't stand the kid honestly. He's really disrespectful to me and my home. Tell me how you think I should handle this "boy" as my husband calls him? I would like for him move out but husband won't allow it. I want him to pay rent. My husband won't allow it. My husband just thinks I'm making a big issue of it all. Sometimes I think it's time to move on, leave. Take my daughters with me and leave. I think he's just going to get worse. He's done several other disrespectful things like try to kiss my two other daughters, ages 15 and 17 at the time. He thinks my house is a harem for his women. His dad has no control of him. I'm fed up. Tell me what your recommendations are?

I really appreciate what you had to say as a stepson. I have been having problems with my stepson and I feel like I am doing everything wrong. He has some behavioral problems and has been rude to my daughter. He has not been taught manners and I feel like the responsibility of this when he comes over is on me. My husband rarely does anything. I want to enjoy my stepson's visits and sometimes i do. He is a sweet little boy that just needs some guidance, but it gets to the point where I want to go hide when he is here. My husband and I have argued about this and you if you have any insight or advice I would greatly appreciate it. I do not want him to feel this way about me, it would break my heart. I just need some advice because I want him to have a good relationship with his dad and with my daughter and myself included. I am not sure if its possible with my daughter, she resents him. He has been rude to her and has done some messed up things like, she has woken up in the middle of the night with him in the dark hallway staring at her. I put a lock on her door, and he has put his poop in her bathroom trashcan. He is 11 and my daughter is 15, a difficult situation. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you!

I most definally love what you have to say bigbobjunk, i met my husband over the internet back in early 2009. One of the very first things he told me was that he had 4 children, i was very against kids and well wasn't really ready to be a mother much less a step mother. I will admit that early 2010 when i had met him for the first time i met his kids.

I thought they were kinda.... disgusting is really the only way i can put it but after about 6 months he and i got engaged and i knew that i was gonna be stepping up as a mother figure since the kids themselves really didn't have anyone to call mom.

Just a year or so prior his ex wife looked at her kids in the face and told them she didn't want anything to do with them, then my husband got into a relationship with a very evil woman that was much like the one who mad that blog. she didn't want anything to do with the kids and was constantly mentally hurting the kids.

So when i stepped into the photos needless to say there was a lot of trust that needed to be built. yes my stepson is constantly giving me hell and plays his games but i know anytime i ask him to do something to help with the baby he jumps at the chance. Mind you he is 9. and his oldest sister is 10. they both about make me pull my hair out of my head but they are awesome kids and anytime im going through some tough times they come to me and give me the biggest hug they can.

while i was pregnant with my first baby and my husband's 5th the kids wanted to go to all the appointments but sadly they were in school so they couldn't. but i would bring home a recording of the baby's heart beat for them to hear. I would read to them each month how the baby was developing and that was one thing that really made us bond. so i am so sorry for the way your step mother treated u and i wish i could have been ur step mother cause i would have tried my best to bond with u. :(

my step son plays video games and computer games all the time and if it is multi player then im right next to him playing away!

He should be kicked out and learn how to be self-sufficient. I would freak if my stepson lingered in our home that long! I do think you should maybe give your DH an ultimatum, that is an untenable situation. He is NOT doing your stepson any good by enabling him and letting him behave like he is eternally a teenager.

1 More Response

I know exactly how u feel my stepso is week and attatched to his **** ***** mother..we also get hime 2 nights a week..if he ever read a book I would prob have a heart attack..I'm the one who clips his nails,gets him a haircut..make sure he is fed....he is so dirtly when we get him it gross. His mother does nothing but smoke..which in turn he is always sick..the kid has a smkers cough at age 12...being a step mom is a thnkless job.....and I hate it...no one appriciates what u do...somedays I don't know how to deal

My last comment was deleted.... ????? <br />
Okay, well sorry if I hurt feelers, hate directed this way fascinates my couriosity. This is a very unique strategy to a distorted conclusion "we made it work" fairytale. I wish I could give your stepson a hug.

Omg you did not call him a moron...LOL. I'm pretty much in the same boat myself though. I'm guessing we wont feel any different in our situations until we have our own... at least 1 anyway. Right now when he's here on the weekends and I'm in the house I do the exact same thing. Glad to see im not alone

Please.. God.. I hope this is a joke.
He is a child. Your step son didn't ask for the situation. He is innocent. You cannot possibly think "i won't let a kid stand in the way of the man that I love". Your man is an ******* of epic proportions if he allows you access to his son.

Omg you did not call him a moron...LOL. I'm pretty much in the same boat myself though. I'm guessing we wont feel any different in our situations until we have our own... at least 1 anyway. Right now when he's here on the weekends and I'm in the house I do the exact same thing. Glad to see im not alone

Omg you did not call him a moron...LOL. I'm pretty much in the same boat myself though. I'm guessing we wont feel any different in our situations until we have our own... at least 1 anyway. Right now when he's here on the weekends and I'm in the house I do the exact same thing. Glad to see im not alone