It Doesn't Get Easier

I married my husband with 2 little girls intact. My husband is an AMAZING HUSBAND, but my baby girls- they have been taught by their mom that you are only as valuable as the money/things you give them. Well, 17 years later- it is NOT easier. They are 27 and 25, and I have given up. I am an executive in a big company with a large salary, their mom is a $10/hour office manager. They treat me like the trash. For years, I've been fine with them because I LOVE my husband. However, ladies- its not worth it. I've 100% given up. I'm not their mom (as THEIR MOM totally lets me know)- so you know money is for MY kids. So...I'm out and done. NO more. Now that the money tree as died, I'm the evil one. I have NEVER told their dad what to spend or control his $$. He's successful for sure. I'm just VERY successful. So..if my biological kids get the lions share..oh well- I know my place.

My advice: Even if the guy is AMAZING (which mine is)--- don't do it. Don't marry someone with kids. It's a losing battle.

raqcar raqcar
5 Responses Sep 12, 2012

Too late for me, but you are absolutely right.

I so agree

OMG Raqcar, you are my people!!!! I love that you've finally detached. I did too, after years of therapy, wine, prescription meds, etc. Part of my therapy was writing, and since I'm one of those career women over-achievers too, it resulted in a book. What a thrill. My stepkids were all enabled and given $$$. Neither parent had a clue and it shows. They're 38, 32, and 25 and the enabling will never end. Their also on welfare (both daddy and govt.). If you love your husband, detachment is the key. I hope you'll go over to my website and have a laugh. You'll see that you're not alone. I'm glad I happened on this website tonight. Now that my book is out, I'm trying a new kind of detachment in not writing about them anymore. It's hard. There's so much more material since I put "Goot for You!" to bed. Glad to know you Raqcar.

I have to agree also.It's definitely not for everyone.If I am honest with myself I think a lot of my issues with my husband started there.Problem that grew because I had to deal with his ex wife and her utter nonsense and the crap she would teach her daughter.It's very tough and you feel terrible .

It's so hard! And it seems like the crap from the ex never ends. And you can't ever just blow up and say what you feel because the kids are around OR because you will look like a petty B.

I hate to agree with you, but I do. I am married to a man with 2 girls from a previous marriage, aged 10 and 12. We also have a baby that is 2 years old. I remember someone who was in the same position telling me before I married my husband that if she could go back, she would not marry hers. I think about that a lot because that is the nature of this situation. It just never gets easier. Even after my husband and I have had our own child, our entire lives are marred by a greedy, nasty ex-wife. That will never go away. The kids are nice enough to me and we have built a relationship, but there has never been and will never be that loving mother/child bond, which makes it almost impossible to have the motivation to "do what's best for the kids." When we bump into the ex in public situations and the kids are with her, they ignore me. It infuriates me and makes me want to throw the towel in on the whole thing. I just want my own life. <br />
It is really interesting to hear from someone with older step kids and also disheartening to know that it may not ever get any better, even decades down the road.