Help Me!!!!!!!

In 2009 I met my fiancée, I knew he had an 8 year old son from the beginning. After moving in together everything was great. We got him every other weekend, went out and have fun every visit as a family. My step son and I had gotten very close over the next year. 4 months into the relationship we got pregnant. That's when real **** hit the fan. His Mom was furious and did or said any little thing possible to make it a horrible experience for me. My first child and someone was trying to make me feel guilty. 10/5/10 our son was born and with little abnormalities with his intestines he needed surgery after birth. My step sons mom made comments to us about not being able to pick him up on that weekend and that we spent too much time at the hospital and not enough time with my step son. She began comparing the two which seemed so childish how can you compare a newborn to a 9 year old. Anyways this evil woman has really bad habits like. When we moved from an apt to a house she threw a fit! Saying you didn't do thy for me and why does she get things that I didn't MIND
YOU HE IS NOT
THE 16 YEAR
OLD BABY
DADDY she
once had
anymore he is
27 has a real
job and is a
MAN. Well things went bad for his ex within that year broke up with her bf had no place to love bouncing around houses it was time the decision was made for my SS move in with us for a year while she got her **** together. So he moved in he's got a lot of learning difficulties only to find out he had been missing a lot of school and never did homework. Which was so odd to me because His mom would boast about everything she does for him and school but he was in 5 grade with the learning capabilities of a 3 grader and a reading level of 2 grader. It was tough one of the hardest things I had to do to keep him from falling behind. Id get so furstrated at times I'd send him to bed and end up doing his homework / project myself trying to write sloppy as if it was him. At the end of the year he passed 5th with honors and they called his parents up to the stage to congratulate us for all the hard work. His mom had a cow that I went up there with them stating I was not his mom and not my place to be on stage. ????? What the hell are you serious she expects me to put my all into him and still sit on the sidelines??? He remark to his awards was that he got them because he was going to a better and completely discredited all my hard work with him. We had another baby in 6/2012
he's become more jealous acting more and more like him mother. He's still living with us 2 years later because his mom can't seem to get her **** together. I fought for the idea of him living with is but now I regret it. He lies to my face about EVERYTHING he has asthma and lies about taking his inhaler it has a number clicker so I know when he's taken it or not so why lie? There has been times where he'd lie about taking it only to end up in the ER AT 2 am with him scared shitless wondering what they are going to do to him. He lies about anything he can lie about. Just to be lazy. He makes smart *** remarks to me about everything I do. If I go in the cabinet to grab a bag of chips he runs in there to count how many are left. He fights with his 2 year old brother when he's 11 years old. I can go on. This has just came out of no where its like we have to hit the reset button everytime he comes back from his moms. I REALLY FEEL LIKE GIVING UP cause my fiancée and I always argue about him. Says I'm biased cause he's not mine which upsets me because I do so much for that kid. I really don't know what to do anymore at my Wists ends.
AfraidIwillGiveUp AfraidIwillGiveUp
22-25
5 Responses Sep 14, 2012

Don't feel guilty feeling as you do. Most of us have felt the same. Here's what I did. I stayed focused on the end game, which was to raise the kids to be responsible adults who give back to the world. Your stepson is acting out in response to his situation as well as normal human development. He will lash out at you because you have shown him unconditional love. Unconsciously, he knows that you will not give up on him. You are his rock and anchor. Often when we love someone completely, there is pain involved. But, as a Mom, we can take it.
Try not to argue with your husband. Your husband is consumed by guilt and can't see clearly.
Here's another tip. Give your stepson some credit. Find a quiet time with him and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him how much you love him,but express your frustrations. Ask him how he is feeling and how you can help.
It's hard to see, but this, too, will pass. We are our family's unsung heroes, which makes our work pure. You can do this. Hang in there.
Barb Goldberg, www.TheEvilStepmotherSpeaks.com

Don't feel guilty feeling as you do. Most of us have felt the same. Here's what I did. I stayed focused on the end game, which was to raise the kids to be responsible adults who give back to the world. Your stepson is acting out in response to his situation as well as normal human development. He will lash out at you because you have shown him unconditional love. Unconsciously, he knows that you will not give up on him. You are his rock and anchor. Often when we love someone completely, there is pain involved. But, as a Mom, we can take it.
Try not to argue with your husband. Your husband is consumed by guilt and can't see clearly.
Here's another tip. Give your stepson some credit. Find a quiet time with him and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him how much you love him,but express your frustrations. Ask him how he is feeling and how you can help.
It's hard to see, but this, too, will pass. We are our family's unsung heroes, which makes our work pure. You can do this. Hang in there.
Barb Goldberg, www.TheEvilStepmotherSpeaks.com

Don't feel guilty feeling as you do. Most of us have felt the same. Here's what I did. I stayed focused on the end game, which was to raise the kids to be responsible adults who give back to the world. Your stepson is acting out in response to his situation as well as normal human development. He will lash out at you because you have shown him unconditional love. Unconsciously, he knows that you will not give up on him. You are his rock and anchor. Often when we love someone completely, there is pain involved. But, as a Mom, we can take it.
Try not to argue with your husband. Your husband is consumed by guilt and can't see clearly.
Here's another tip. Give your stepson some credit. Find a quiet time with him and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him how much you love him,but express your frustrations. Ask him how he is feeling and how you can help.
It's hard to see, but this, too, will pass. We are our family's unsung heroes, which makes our work pure. You can do this. Hang in there.
Barb Goldberg, www.TheEvilStepmotherSpeaks.com

Being a step-parent and having difficult in-laws can definitely be draining. Been there, done that, and have the bullet holes to prove it. You can only do what you can do. When you make every attempt to do the right thing and you still receive animosity, you either let it eat at you, confront it, or dispose it. For me, it definitely was part of the reason for the failure of the marriage, not the only reason though.
Eventually you must become somewhat selfish, and do what is right for you.

My opinion.

It is hard... Very hard, you have to keep reminding yourself, he is just a child still- and probably has anger issues. Imagine how he must feel, wishing it was his own mother there for him, and not you. Kids don't see logic, they feel feelings... Its tough, but it won't last forever. Perhaps family counseling would help.

Thanks I know there's a lot I left out because I can go on an on. I almost feel bad for ranting but my Patience is shot. I love my step with out a doubt but I'm starting to realize how thankless of a job it is. Raising an 11 year old at the age of 24 is really complicated I feel mostly like he just doesn't respect me because of it. He told me the other day "do you know you would have been 13 if you had me. That's crazy.. lol I told him yes that would have been crazy.. I feel like he sees me more as a friend than a parent and at one point I thought hell I rather be his friend then the evil step mom. But BOY IS THAT KICKING ME IN THE BUTT NOW!!!