I Don't Know If I Can Stay.

I love my husband. He is an amazing man and has an amazingly strong love for me too. He is able to handle incredibly stressful situations daily at work with ease and confidence, but can't handle his two children. They are 5 and 7, girl and boy respectively. They are holy terrors. They are BOTH in behavioral programs at school. My husband is in deep denial about the depth of their behavioral issues, though I have tried countless times in vain to make him see it. I am at my breaking point. I take several medications just to get through the day with all the anxiety they cause. I was on meds before, but am on an insane amount now. Still no relief. We have them part time and I don't think he realizes how importantly time away from them is to my mental well being. They were supposed to go back to their mom's tonight but she has had a medical issue come up that might keep them with us though the week. I am at my breaking point. I don't know what to do. I love my husband and I don't want to leave, but I can't imagine having them here for the week, let alone 15 more years.
nicunurse13 nicunurse13
2 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Oh dear! I'm concerned that your health & needs have been completely overlooked by your husband & this could cause you to get sick. Functioning on stress fuelled adrenaline is a great way to run your immune system into the ground. In my opinion these kids sound like they may have adhd type of problems. A psychiatrist is the one who can diagnose these & also perscribe medications for the children. I have seen great results when out of control kids are put on natural seditives (clear liquid natural sedatives that can be put in drinks for kids who won't take tablets) & good results from kids being put on the appripriate medication. I have also seen a huge improvement in out of control behaviour when these are combined with removal of a lot of flavours, colours & junk is taken out of their diets including some kinds of bread. Yep some kids go beserk on the preservatives in bread. If you need a break from these kids stressing you out then your husband needs to consider this, you should not have to resort to anti anxiety medications because people are running amok in your house. Sounds to me hubby needs to consider your needs & health - in fact I do believe he should be putting your health first or you may end up a total nervous wreck & possibly ill I take my hat off to the step Moms on here. I do not think a lot of you get fair treatment at all. I guess in the long run you gotta do what makes you happy. You need to think about YOU because nobody else in your family is at the moment & that is not a healthy way to live xx

Hello, let me first start off by saying that I basically stumbled across this site and so glad that I did. I was totally drawn to your story and have been where you are now, except that I was/am the mother of the children.
My heart goes out to you, your husband and also the kids. I had a major medical problem that started when my youngest was just a year old and my son was 13 months older than that. The medical problem also churned up a grand case of major depression which I am still battling to this day (some 13 years later). It is very hard to accept the fact that your kids are out of control and much harder to regain that control when all you want to do is nothing more than crawl into a hole and just exist.
What finally got my husband and I to realize it was when my 2 were videotaped at a family gathering. It literally slapped us right in the face how unacceptable their behavior had become. They were just short of what I would call "wild". Without any limits being set for them they pretty much ran our household on a daily basis. We got in touch with a child counselor and started therapy with them, both individually and as a family, set down rules to be followed and consequences to those that were broken. It was very hard at first, not giving in to them, and sometimes they made me feel as if I were a bad mommy, but it does get better as they learn to accept what is and is not appropriate and acceptable behavior. You must be firm and very consistant with them each and every time a rule is broken.

Thank you for your reply. We are in the process of starting couples therapy and the older boy has been seen by a child psychiatrist. We're workin on setting boundaries and a reward system for good behavior, time outs for bad. I really appreciate hearing your story and thank you for the suggestions and support.

Please know that even without knowing you, that your family is in my thoughts. I send you good thoughts of courage, calmness, and lots of patience. It will seem easier to give up at times, but with a lot of guidance, love, and time, it will all be worth it. Don't give up. Your marriage is worth it; the kids are worth it; and most important YOU are worth it. GOD bless and take care.