Can't Stand It But I'm Hooked

So, I love my husband of only 6 months (dated4years) but can't stand his 12 year old son. I know I'm the adult and should be the one to take the "high road" or whatever, but I am to the point where I don't know how.
My story has a long history but to keep things short, I have a 21 year old son who lives on his own. My husband and I have his 14 year old daughter and 12 year old son every other week. At first, my relationship with his kids was good despite the fact that his son was out of control. I was given enough authority to deal with certain situations if needed. Over the last couple of years, my husband and I do nothing but fight when his son is here and here are some reasons why: his son refuses to let us have even a few seconds of conversation without his presence and input, his son expects to not only set the schedule for everyone else in the family, but also expects to set the menu. He is disrespectful. He lies constantly, he's sneaky and untrustworthy. He has to be the center of attention all the time. He still talks in a baby voice to his father and calls him "dada". The list continues. My issues revolve around the fact that now, I have no authority and every decision I make is undermined by my husband in front of his son. My husband tells me I am mean to his son because I call him out when he lies and don't let him chew with his mouth open, and require him to use utensils instead of his hands when eating. I will say no to this boy, my husband will hear it and then say yes. I give 75% of my paycheck to our "joint" account that I don't even have access to. I haven't even told him I got a raise because I am sick and tired of that kid coming home with new toys, Legos, etc every week, when I have to dye my own hair because I can't afford to have it done. My husband tells me I am a horrible person to his kids, and maybe he's right, but all it does is make me resent his son even more. Even when I did everything for his kids it didn't matter and he said I wasn't nice enough to them. I love the guy, I'm hooked, but thinking about a quieter life. Open to good suggestions.....
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 17, 2013

Not sure that counseling will or won't help. My husband is quilty of not wanting to make his child mad. Afraid he won't love him anymore. Some children do act out when they have been hurt by a relationship and some are just plain spoiled and get away with everything. try counseling but be ready and willing to call it quits if it does not work. Everyone deserves to be happy. Loving someone doesn't always make you happy. You deserve respect too

First don't have children together untill these issues have been resolved professionaly. Secound get merriage counseling. Last- If counseling does not work and first advise was heeded.... run! but, if first advice was not heeded your in for a long term need to figure it out becouse when two people have a baby together then they split you sometimes get what you are now experienceing with his son a very upset acting out child. Try to have patience, I know it's hard, for the boy his acting out is his way of expressing his feelings for his messed up reality.