My Heart Hurts

My unmarried 19 year old stepdaughter had her baby today. I am so sad. I have not had a child of my own despite wanting one. I feel like the biggest loser because I foolishly, I feel, gave everything I had (imperfect though it was) to helping this girl grow up over the last ten years that her dad and I have been married. She lived full time with her dad and did not have a trusting relationship with her mom. My husband supported me in being the mother figure in our house. I cooked, cleaned, sacrificed, worried, and loved hoping to be a part of things. I am strong and independent and kind. Oh and a doormat. I feel very taken advantage of. My husband and I sacrificed to get this child set up and ready to go to college. She did not make it through even the first semester. She went off the deep end by making choices contrary in every way to the things we had tried to teach her. She chose to be like her sisters and mother who cannot exist without a man. She let me help her get set up in an apartment, accepting help with cleaning and cash and furnishings and then put up pictures of only her bio parents. I really hadn't made any impact on her. Except to provide money. I feel so sad because I felt like she loved me and I don't know that she really did. I also know I am being selfish because I wanted a baby so much and could not have one. I gave everything I had to these step kids and it isn't enough. She gets to mess up and break all the things she said she stood for and gets rewarded with a baby. I know life is not fair. I get that. I am just so sad and needed to share that in a place where people know how hard it is to be a stepparent. It is very lonely sometimes. I will now have to go through the experience of well wishing from our friends and neighbors who don't have any clue how sad and not a part of things I am. She has moved in with her biomom who of course is going to save the day, who has never really cared to be part of much before. At least she gets the relationship she has always wanted with her mom.Thanks for listening.