Ok, I have a question and really need advice. My husband's ex-girlfriend and I have NEVER gotten along, and now it's to the point where we try to avoid each other at all cost. She won't even ring my doorbell to pick up my stepson if my husband isn't here. She will call him and tell him to call me and let me know that she is outside waiting. Anyway, she has another son that is by a different man and he is always asking my husband if he can come over to our house when my stepson comes over. I am totally against this, for many reasons. One, reason being that if his ex can't even be an adult and ring the doorbell to get her son, why in the hell would you want to send your other son over here? Two, my stepson told me that his mom always ask him if I'm mean to him, or if I said anything to him to hurt his feelings every time he leaves our house. So if she feels that I'm mean to him or whatever the case is, why are you comfortable with his brother coming over here. Third reason being obviously my stepson and his brother live together so they see each other 24/7, he is only with us once a week and every other weekend. I think he needs to spend time with my son which is also his little brother. My husband doesn't see an issue with the little boy coming over, but he knows that I do so whenever he asks if he can come over my husband always makes up an excuse instead of coming right out and telling him no. I told my husband that I wouldn't be comfortable sending our son over to her house, so I don't need her trying to send her son to mine. He says he agrees with not sending my son to her house, so I'm trying to figure out what is the difference then for him? You don't want our son going over to her house, but you are ok with her other son that is NOT yours coming to ours??? I don't get it. Anyway, am I being unreasonable with this situation? Should I just let whatever issues that I have go, or should I just call his ex and tell her she needs to talk to her kid and let him know that him coming over won't be a good idea?
tjones44 tjones44
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 20, 2014

Uhhh no ma'm! I agree, stick to your guns. I read your other post and his baby mama is trifling and has a very inflated sense of entitlement. Even asking you guys to keep her child, knowing the two of you don't get along is redicilous.

For one, you have zero obligation to a child that is not his. For two, as a mother..why would she even feel comfortable sending her child over there given the situation?

Your husband should contact her and tell her no. You shouldn't have to do that.

I would tell you to attempt to extend an olive branch to this woman, for the sake of your husband and your child together; but I did it and it bit me in the butt. My husband's ex and I were friends, but then I started hearing things like I was the reason she and my husband weren't together anymore (which wasn't true... But regardless her kid believes it), and she started accusing my husband of cheating on her. At that point I had to cut my losses.

Just understand, no matter what you do, it's going to be wrong. Her solution in the future to get around you will be to give her son a cell phone to let him know she's there to pick him up, and then to call to check on him hourly.

In the past I have tried to extend an olive branch and just like you it bit my husband and I both in the butt! I think ok, I will try to be nice and forget everything that happened in the past and as soon as I do she does something else manipulative. I decided that I wasn't going to take that chance again. My husband says that this particular situation doesn't have anything to do with her, it's about my stepson and his other brother. My view is, if I'm not comfortable with the woman in the house, why would I send my child to that house?? For the life of me I don't understand how she could not want to have anything to do with me, but we willing to send her son to my house that doesn't even have anything to do with my husband or myself?