When I met my husband, I was hesitant to date a man with kids, but we hit it off and fell in love very quickly. When I met his daughters, then 11 and 7, I loved them. We got along great until we moved in together. These girls were raised having everything handed to them and being completely spoiled. They were young so I figured they just needed some guidance. Their mom had moved them 5 times in the first year we were together. 2 of the times she moved them in with men she had just met. She was lost to say the least. As they got older I felt they needed chores and needed to earn the things they were constantly handed. My husband was resistant, we argued about this alot. He makes excuses for their laziness and their disrespectful behavior. They do nothing around the house yet they want everything handed to them. They manipulate their father and threaten that we are going to lose them when I try and enforce the rules or try to correct their behavior. This scares my husband into yelling at me in front of them and causes us to fight. I feel like I am this person on the outside fighting to get in. It is destroying our marriage and making my life miserable. I love my husband so much. I am such a loss here. I'm not sure how much more I can take.
thisissohardtotake thisissohardtotake
46-50, F
3 Responses Aug 25, 2014

How I wish I would have read these post before dating a man with a child. I am already a single mom age 2 and he has a girl age 7. Whenever we are together their is a lot of tension. My daughter is very outgoing and very energic. His daughter is the opposite. To the point that she says my daughters energy is annoying to her. When I first meet him I assumed his pass and daughter where different. I've tryed breaking up the relationship, especially bc my child doesn't not know what a father is and he has not filled the void in her heart. Unfortunately I'm stuck now bc I became pregnant. Life sucks and I would give anything to go back and say no to him.

I actually had to talk to my husband about this before we got married. His children are young and I knew that if he didn't start establishing more structure out marriage wouldn't make it because I can't deal with bad *** kids.

Your husband needs to understand that it is your house. The two of you set the rules privately and he enforces it to the girls so it doesn't always put you in the "bad guy" position.

The world is not going to hand them everything and they are not going to handle life when things go their way, so he is doesn't realize he is setting them up for failure.

Best of luck to you and your husband.

I understand fully, I'm on the other side of the equation. Once my step daughter made it clear that she had no problem breaking up our marriage to get her way, I had to back down.

She turned on my wife, her mom, during her freshman year in college. My wife finally had her eyes open to the decade of lies and manipulation that she had defended. The step no longer lives with us but continues her path of destruction.

My experience is that the enablers will turn on you before they will her even when the evidence is unbelievably overwhelming. Protect yourself.

It helps to know that I'm no alone and that I'm not crazy. Thank you for that response.