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Grrr.

I used to LOVE being a stepmom. I used to love having SS3 around. I used to hate having to take him back after visitation. Yeah, I've had to deal with a very difficult and insanely jealous BM. But I kept telling myself she was insane and jealous and the past. But it got worse. It got to the point she was trying to break me and DH up. She was calling me all types of mean names and bullied me. That helped to bring me down. I began angry and bitter because of her. She is a horrible person.

 

My in laws don't support me. We were visiting in laws last night with SS because BM let us have him til about 4 today. As we were getting ready to leave, SS started dragging his feet and saying he didn't want to go. MIL was tired and didn't feel well enough to put up with or take care of SS so she said he couldn't spend the night. I said that this would be a good learning experience so he can learn he can't get his way all the time. Well, that pissed FIL off and he went of on me saying that he was offended because I said that SS needs to learn not to get his way and that I think SS gets his way all the time (UHH! HE DOES!!). So I get this freakin' long lecture about how I sound bitter and how offensive I am to his precious, sweet, do no wrong grandchild-all because I said SS shouldn't get his way all the time. I was also told that since I'm not a blood relative, nothing I say or do or think means squat in regards to SS. I can tell SS not to do something, he'll run to in-laws and they let him. I tell him to do something such as clean up his toys/mess whatnot, and he runs to them and they protect him from his chores. I have NO parenting roles with him whatsoever since I'm "not his real mom." I feel like the ball player on the sidelines who never gets on the court.

 

With BM's nasty actions and words towards me plus my in-laws actions and words towards me, I am in a no-win situation. I hate being a stepmom now.

 

SS doesn't listen or respect me and he's made to believe he doesn't. DH is the only one in my corner but I feel like the Lone Ranger and Tonto. All we have is each other. DH is the only one who backs me up and makes SS listen to me but he's grandparents enable SS to be a jerk to me and theirs nothing I can do about it!

 

SO YES, I HATE BEING A STEPMOM. I hate having SS around now because he is the cause of so much drama and stress. I count down the hours and minutes until we get to take him home with such excitement it's like being a child in school on a Friday,  watching the clock tick down to the last hour to go home and have two days of no school.

ShannaBee ShannaBee 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 26, 2009

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I have been a stepmom for about 6yrs. My husband gained custody of his son becase BM was a substance abuser. Prior to us obtaining custody she used the child as a pawn. She actually ran my husband(not when this occured) over in his own driveway with her car with his 3 year old son inside with her. The car drug him under the vehicle and if he had not live less than 2 blocks from the Trauma center he surely would have died. She did a total of 5 days in prison for this. She violated her probation with drug use and nothing was done...a continuation of probation. When she lost custody of her son she was pregnant with another child in about 4months. Another father to collect a support check from and a means to pay her bills. Soon after this child was a yr old she kicked daddy #2 to the curb...meanwhile she never paid for anything other than a whole $100.00 a month in child support. She has been ordered to pay a portion of his medical...lol. Have never seen a dime. With in less than 6 months from her split up with Daddy #2 she had her next victem lined up. She requested that my husband sign paper so their son could have overnights with her new fiance'. When he refused she went and married the very next day and was pregnant in less than 4months and had her husband arrested for criminal domestic violence within a week or so of finding out she was pregnant. She has hand several men arrested under false pretences as to of course make herself look like the victim. She fills her very impressionable 13 yr old sons head with a bunch of her bullshit, drags him from one relationship after another and speaks to him about her relationships inappropriately...My SS informed me that Daddy #3 wanted his momma to have an abortion but Momma says she is having the baby...Hello!!!!! SS has witnessed violence in her home, she was in a DUI related accident prior to our initial custody battle. She managed to put her car end over end with her SS in the car...they fled the scene and she never notifed my husband. My husband has full custody of ss because mom gave it up to him in exchange for having to pay less money in support...thats how much she loves herself not the child. At the present time we are in a court custody battle where she is trying to gain custody back...she would be able to quite work and just collect her support checks from 3 different fathers ...I have been SICK to my stomach about all of this. BM has broke 2 cell phones we purchased for him and today continues to control his cell phone when he is at her home. I pay the bill. Most recently she took my ss to the ER at the hospital and turned us into DSS because SS took a firearm from our home...you likely think thats aweful as did I but after having a visit from DSS I was informed it was their opionion that she likely coached him. It is stated in ER records that they staff felt as if he was coached and rehersed as to how answer questions....my husband was not notifed by her of anything...come to find out she claims my husband is doing drugs and selling as well. Ohh dont forget he beats him too!!! We have paid Guardians, attorneys and dealt with this crazy ***** for what seems like a lifetime. No money for support but plenty for the attorneys...I could go on telling you how many crazy things we have dealt with...SS at this age is very quickly ready to point out his fathers shortcomings but defends his poor poor mother...this drives me insane...I have told my ss facts about his mother and what she has done....I know its not right...but I am so angry......she is a complete waste of atmosphere and has the child brain washed into believing ever word she says. When ever her life and poor choices blow up in her face she runs to church and says everything is better!!! Its magic right? When we went to mediation last July she once again accused my husband to doing drugs....but failed to inform us that she was separated from her husband, had moved back to her trailer and had him charged with criminal domestic violence...My husband has passed every drug test that he has taken...but it never ends. She is worried we look at her facebook page because his mom is on his page....she apparently is paranoid too...lol. I have began hating this SM position....I am not a back seat driver though...I tell her like it is and that is why she dislikes me. I call her on her bullshit and point out things that others are afraid to show her. I will protect my SS and try to teach him the best I can....I just hope that I can learn to direct my anger in a better way. So yesssss!!!! I so understand..painfully so.

I keep paying to give the child opportunities he would otherwise not have, I support him asside from 1200 dollars a year that we get from his mother...I just keep on keepin on...

I'm no expert either, but I would say to talk to your DH about how you are in a no-win situation, It's not fair that you have no authority. Your SS is little and needs direction, whether it's from you or his father. Kids have a strong will and that's all good, because they are learning about who they are and what they can get away with. It's their job, kinda. But the parents job is to teach them the boundaries so that the kid knows where they stand. It's not fair to you, because you are trying to do your job and they (BM and In-laws) are undermining you. See if you can get more support from DH. He should back you up when you are setting rules and chores. Otherwise the SS will not give you any respect, and you deserve RESPECT!

The fact that FIL freaked out and gave you a lecture after you said that SS needs to learn he can't get his way all the time - that's lame! No matter if the kid is a brat or an angel, EVERY kid needs to learn that they can't get their way all the time, period! Because otherwise they will grow up to be a person who expects to get their way all the time, and life will not allow them to.

Sorry to hear that DH is the only one in your corner, that's unfair to you. I can understand your frustration.