Lonely + Depressed = Adopted

I was adopted at 3 days old. I have no information on my natural birth parents. My life was a living hell growing up and I'm still fighting in/with this thing called life. My adopted father died when I was 8 yrs old and my adopted mom became an alcoholic. There were times I ate sugar sandwiches for dinner, government cheese, powder milk with cereal and no money. I was molested by two close friends of the family and by my half brother. I had an abusive/failed marriage after 13 years & 2 relationships that didn't work. There are times when I'm clingy or to defensive. Protecting myself since I was a kid is something that I had to do. Grade & high school kids can be heartless, emotionless and thoughtless (Some men also)!!!!!!

I started working at the age fifteen to by the things that i needed not wanted (school clothes, deodorant, etc.....). My mom never worked because my dad always took care of her and she couldn't function after he died. Her family members I really know much about. It's hard to build a relationship with them. They live out of town and was never there for her or me when we was struggling. I have three beautiful kids that I love too death. Two grand babies that I spend a lot of time with them when I can. I'm starting my own history....

I don't have to many friends because I don't see myself on their level. There are times when I isolate myself from the world and don't even care; It's hard to trust or get attached to people.

I'm looking for love, depressed, fighting with rejection, hard time loving me and most of all lonely without knowing who i am an where i came from. Pleasing and always doing for others @ the expense of neglecting ME is my life! This burns me out but it makes me feel needed.

I'm really trying to enjoy this thing called life. I want to be happy and this grayness to go away. Most of all I want to LOVE ME 1st and demand that or look for that in relationship (within my friends or boyfriend/husband).

How do I heal n move on without family or not to many friends?
Stillfeellonely Stillfeellonely
1 Response Aug 29, 2012

read the primal wound by Nancy Newton Verrier. I wish there was more I could do to help you, but after I read this book I slowly pulled myself free of depression.