Will Someone Please Kill Me? Serious Inquiries Only!

iHATE being alive! i always have. i have a miserable piece of **** existence . i CONSTANTLY think about death. its on the forefront of my mind every second of my life. even when im involved in an activity, my main thought the whole time is, how much i would just really rather be dead. i have bad health problems that cause me agonizing pain ALL THE TIME. im ALWAYS EXHAUSTED, i never have any strength or energy, and im so **** poor, my living situation is deplorable. i grew up with every type of abuse and gross neglect that you can possibly imagine. from everyone. and, im still living it. i never had any family or friends (still dont) and, everyone i was supposed to be able to trust, has violated me in some way. i grew up VERY alone, just me and my mom (no siblings,no friends) my mom was never around, she was a drug addict with different men coming in and out all the time. the ONLY attention i EVER got from her was abuse, verbal, physical, or both. otherwise, i was left to my own devices. my meals usually consisted of either canned soup or, cold cuts with some sort of canned vegetable, or else some sort of microwave food. my mom, cook? HA!!! YA!! I was on my own to feed myself from the time i could reach the counter, in fact, i even remember using a chair to reach certain things so, i never learned to cook. everyone always treats me like hell, even still. i guess because i hate confrontation so much and go to such lengths to avoid it that, i guess it just makes me an easy target." look, we can **** all over her and she wont do anything!!" well, what CAN i do? i cant beat anyone up, i havent the strength. i would like to cut off their head and **** down their neck!! but, i cant kill them cuz ill go to prison, (at least on the outside i can smoke weed for a bit of pain control) so, the only thing i can do is kill myself. it wouldnt matter anyhow cuz its not as if there is anyone that would give a damn. i dont even think anyone would even notice. but, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! im too much of a wuss! oh, i might could get up enough nerve to pull a trigger but, i cant afford a gun. and, even then, id still probably wuss out. so, i wish someone would just come up behind me unawares, like at a bus stop or something, and just blow my freakin head off! ill give my full address, bus routes i take, etc....i REALLY WANT THIS! and, theres ALL KINDS of people out there in this world, theres BOUND to be SOMEONE out there that would be happy to take me up on this. any thoughts? please pm me!
mrsdahmer mrsdahmer
36-40, F
2 Responses May 25, 2012

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please....take courage in life....ya....i understand ur feelings and pain......sorry for that......but i hope u find a good life parnter and lead ur life.....and also u should becme a role model to other.....dispite ur sufferings .......ur good person...and lead ur please