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People Only Care About People Who People Care About


Hi,

Sorry in advance to spew negativity out there but this is how i feel and i have no one to talk to.

I can't seem  to keep friends. I can make them but its almost as if my friends have a "best before" date as eveything seems to be going fine, they will call me often, come over to visit and invite me over to visit them talk to me about their problems. But after a while ( usually around 6 months) this all stops. They stop calling or coming over and I generally get the brush off when i try to contact them. It almost feels like they love me to begin with and then the novelty wears off and they just can't be bothered. I feel like im a good friend, im always there if im needed, always talk about them not me, , try to keep conversation postive, im generous loyal and trust worthy. But i've noticed that the type of people others seem to stay friends with are the opposite of these things. I've often had friends complain to me about so and so being so selfish or unreliable but yet that person is always the one to be kept on as a friend and invited to things whilst i am disgarded like a used tissue.

I sometime think that its because when people meet me they think im great but once they get to know me and realise that im not popular, dont know lots of people and cant introduce them to guys/girls that maybe im not worth much socially? and that no one else is bothered about me so they shouldnt be either (thus my post title). I must also stress that i do not tell my the friends i have had about how i feel even when they (in the begining) say "you can talk to me about anything" because i have learnt in the past that often people say they care but they dont really its just empty sentiment. As times when i have poored my heart out that is when the phone calls stop :-s

Then there is the fact that I have a very small family with no brothers and sisters that i have grown up with. I tried to make links with my step brothers and sisters which was great for about a year. After that, it followed the same pattern as with the friends, lots of contact/interest and then after a while started discluding me from things (that hurts like a knife through the heart) and the phone calls stopped. This made me feel the worst of all as i feel like if not even my family want to be around me who else will?

The only common denominator in all this is me so i know it has to be something i have done or am doing why no one wants me around for too long but i really cant think what, other than the reason i gave above or that i must have done some real jacked up crap in a former life to deserve this. If someone told me what it was I would change in a heart beat as being alone is the worst torture for me- I feel like less than nothing, or like im invisible watching everyone else around me sharing life with others, me unable to be part of anything. i just want even two permanent friends, i would have loved to have had a family but that cant happen.

Oh and 1. I volunteer
               2. I've taken up a dance class
               3. was on facebook but that just made me feel like even more of a saddo as i have no friends so what the point?

I chat to people, but now i feel afraid to let them in as i only get rejected in the end, i think that i must just be an unlikable person.

I know i've rambled and probably have bad spelling and grammar but this is the first time i've posted on a site like this and i don't even know what im expecting you guys to say. I just wanna know what i could be doing wrong or if anyone else has experienced losing friends/family easily. Not looking for sympathy (even though it might sound like it) just some company in my misery or some advice.


Im shouting from my desert (dessert?) island: IS ANYBODY OUT THERE??!!




theemptyvase theemptyvase 31-35, F 5 Responses Jun 21, 2010

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I am in the same boat as you. And I agree wholeheartedly with one of the commenters on the board. The more generous and caring you are of others and the more you are willing to set aside yourself and be there for others is the more rejection you will feel. This has nothing to do with you "pressuring" people. I recently broke up with a friend who would put ENORMOUS pressure on me to fulfill her demands; constantly texting and/or emailing with regards to tests and/or assignments and BELIEVE ME, I felt a huge amount of pressure to answer her each time and yet whenever I called her she called it "pressure". It was okay for her to use and take advantage of me whenever she wanted something and pressure me into doing things for her but she couldn't spare any time for me. Beware: SOME PEOPLE ARE USERS!!!!!! And before continuing on, pressure exists everywhere all the time. For example: women are pressured to stay skinny, men are pressured to be muscled, teachers pressure students to do their homework assignments by a certain date, women are pressured to married young, etc. Our world revolves around datelines and schedules - otherwise nothing would get done. So forget the excuse of "pressure". Everyone pressures everyone for something at times.



I will side with Lovelorn and say based on my personal experience that I have subconsciously sought people who were users and abusers. A lot of people don't want to be around genuinely nice and/or good people because of their insecurities. There is something so pure about goodness that they feel threatned by you. No - not threatening to kill but threatened by the power of goodness. They are humbled and intimidated by this. I know for a fact because people are the same way around me and I continue going on being myself. Some people are intimidating because they are evil and manipulative; some are intimidating because they are TOO GOOD for their own good.



You sound like such an individual. I knew of a guy that way as well but he only liked me as a friend (while I sought something more), so in the end the relationship subsided (and I still wish him well). But we were kindred spirits in that respect and people wouldn't keep in contact with him as well. And he was one of the nicest guys in the world!!!!!! Not an inch of bad stemming from him. Believe me girl, you are exactly of the same nature. Don't be ashamed of it - be PROUD of it. Continue loving yourself and putting out the best of yourself to attract like-minded people. You can talk to me if you like and email me: lenayari28@gmail.com, or you can ignore me and just focus less on other people the next time you begin a friendship. Believe me, I know where you are coming from and I've had friendships subside for no reason. I am, believe it or not, somewhat proud of being good because after all, if the person wasn't sincere to begin with, why bother keeping him or her in your life. When I say ignore others, I don't mean use them, take advantage of them, abuse their kindness but try to integrate a little more of you into them rather than sitting back and letting other people invade your spiritual space with their problems all the time. Politely ask why they are behaving in such a matter and if no response is logical (in your mind at least), then move on. You will make new friends that are interested in creating a serious bond, in time...



Just remember that those who are selfish and users don't keep friends for too long either! People do tire of them very easily.



All the best and sending you a very tight hug,

A

I think sometimes I've had those thoughts, but maybe you are such a good person that they don't want to be around someone is good. Maybe it is in the people you are seeking. Seek people who are good, decent and not shallow individuals (not to say that about all the people you've met), but I think I have attracted people subconciously who would reject me so I could have a reason to say, "see they don't like me so I might as well give up or stop trying." Maybe it is just in those people too. You may just be too good for them and that is not what they want. I am learning too that I cannot change people, places and things. Also, these people may feel awkward and think you have rejected them. Are you reaching out to them?

hi, you know what, i also feel that way.. and im starting to say that i hate myself.. because of what happening in my life now.. and i feel hopeless already..



but..you know what ill just keep on my mind why do i need to think of them..

if no ones likes me.. i will just give my full attention, full care in myself..

i will love myself..because this is me..



and that i can suggest too coz you cant please anybody to love you, go mingle with you..

go with you all the way..



let them go, they true friends..



by the way im just here..

ya! maybe i do spend too much time thinking about others. Thanks for the advice :-) *receives hug warmly*

Oh yes, I know this feeling. I have experienced it tons of times, to the point where I ask myself if I am too serious, too funny, or what. Perhaps you must focus more on yourself and forget a bit about others who say they care but do not. :) Hugs.