People Only Care About People Who People Care About
Sorry in advance to spew negativity out there but this is how i feel and i have no one to talk to.
I can't seem to keep friends. I can make them but its almost as if my friends have a "best before" date as eveything seems to be going fine, they will call me often, come over to visit and invite me over to visit them talk to me about their problems. But after a while ( usually around 6 months) this all stops. They stop calling or coming over and I generally get the brush off when i try to contact them. It almost feels like they love me to begin with and then the novelty wears off and they just can't be bothered. I feel like im a good friend, im always there if im needed, always talk about them not me, , try to keep conversation postive, im generous loyal and trust worthy. But i've noticed that the type of people others seem to stay friends with are the opposite of these things. I've often had friends complain to me about so and so being so selfish or unreliable but yet that person is always the one to be kept on as a friend and invited to things whilst i am disgarded like a used tissue.
I sometime think that its because when people meet me they think im great but once they get to know me and realise that im not popular, dont know lots of people and cant introduce them to guys/girls that maybe im not worth much socially? and that no one else is bothered about me so they shouldnt be either (thus my post title). I must also stress that i do not tell my the friends i have had about how i feel even when they (in the begining) say "you can talk to me about anything" because i have learnt in the past that often people say they care but they dont really its just empty sentiment. As times when i have poored my heart out that is when the phone calls stop :-s
Then there is the fact that I have a very small family with no brothers and sisters that i have grown up with. I tried to make links with my step brothers and sisters which was great for about a year. After that, it followed the same pattern as with the friends, lots of contact/interest and then after a while started discluding me from things (that hurts like a knife through the heart) and the phone calls stopped. This made me feel the worst of all as i feel like if not even my family want to be around me who else will?
The only common denominator in all this is me so i know it has to be something i have done or am doing why no one wants me around for too long but i really cant think what, other than the reason i gave above or that i must have done some real jacked up crap in a former life to deserve this. If someone told me what it was I would change in a heart beat as being alone is the worst torture for me- I feel like less than nothing, or like im invisible watching everyone else around me sharing life with others, me unable to be part of anything. i just want even two permanent friends, i would have loved to have had a family but that cant happen.
Oh and 1. I volunteer
2. I've taken up a dance class
3. was on facebook but that just made me feel like even more of a saddo as i have no friends so what the point?
I chat to people, but now i feel afraid to let them in as i only get rejected in the end, i think that i must just be an unlikable person.
I know i've rambled and probably have bad spelling and grammar but this is the first time i've posted on a site like this and i don't even know what im expecting you guys to say. I just wanna know what i could be doing wrong or if anyone else has experienced losing friends/family easily. Not looking for sympathy (even though it might sound like it) just some company in my misery or some advice.
Im shouting from my desert (dessert?) island: IS ANYBODY OUT THERE??!!
theemptyvase 31-35, F 5 Responses 0 Jun 21, 2010