I Hate Being Alone But I Am Doom To It.

I have been alone for 24 years and i didn't know that there is a higher disadvantage of this kind of routine in one's daily life. I am asking myself wither this thing is inborn or not, however, i always ended up to nothing. I want to be around with people, get to know them, experience life together with them and shares my thoughts to them, but I just couldn't handle my fear of not having a proper communication with them. This is the result of being alone, watching tv whole day, games all day, reading without understanding, feeling very anxious, and thinking all the "what ifs" in this world, etc. I didn't see this stuff  this past few years. I just saw them now after I got married. And now, I am afraid that my marriage might end up to nothing and i dont want that. I just want to be happy, but what is the reason why I couldn't do so? I hate myself=(
Eureka85 Eureka85
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 27, 2011

your disconnected. something happened to you when you were very young and it still hurts you. hummm where to start. i say. go for a walk perhaps take a blank book and write stuff and draw pictures. bring some music and leave the phone and every other device at home. i don't see alone time in your life. even when you play games its meaningless or reading means nothing. you never stop working because you think that is life and its not right. you know its not right. the negativity the nothingness. but you cant stop and don't know what to do. it is ok. your not to blame. it is called life. and life is always equal. so in other words your due you a good change :) see the world and your home the animals the streets wonder and bring back the kid in you. the one who explored and didn't care. talk to everyone and everything and know that talking is communication (talking ; playing games with animals or people or body language or physically talking and such. it is any form of communication between you and another entity.) go grow a tree! that always works. nurture it and make it your own. find goals and run with them literally. bottom line. be happy. find the things that brought you glimmers of light and bring them back and ask yourself why. you need to love yourself before you can allow the world and everyone else to love you back. that is true happiness.

No matter what you do, DON'T HATE YOURSELF. Me, I can be in a room filled with 150 people for 4 straight years and not make a single friend. Blaming it on yourself only makes it harder. Even if its the summer break, I stay home, watch tv, eat, shower, and do nothing else. And not because I want to...I'd love to have friends, go to the movies or to the mall. But I've never once done that. If you're married, it means someone loved you enough to make a conscious decision to spend the rest of his life with you. Not everyone's that fortunate...be happy. Things will get better. We can only work with what we have.

Look at all of us darling, we all have gone through this and felt this way one time or another but we learn. You are very young. Life is constantly moving us up and down and every time we learn and we move on to better and happier times. Your anxiety is temporary. Just talk about it and listen to people who have gone through it and have found their way back to Happy.

You should see a counselor to find out why.You can feel good about yourself again but you need professional help.Get some sooner than later please.