When I was growing up girls constantly spoke badly of me even when they didn't know me, I would hear them say "she's not even pretty, she has _______" and pick out some flaw like a pimple or chipped nail polish or food in my teeth and broadcast it to everyone in hearing distance. I grew up feeling like I was under a microscope.. and God forbid if I tried to date a boy that anyone else thought was attractive.
When I got to college boys would make up stories about having slept with me to brag to their friends. If I was seen in the company of someone of the opposite sex it was assumed I slept with them, because if you're pretty you must be easy, right? Men have always looked at and grabbed my body as if they are somehow entitled to it.
And it goes past sexual harassment. I was raped in college by a guy who I turned down in a bar... he "deserved" to sleep with me and I was a "crazy b****" for refusing.
I don't have very many female friends, and the friends I do have often "joke" at me about how I look, and then speak about me behind my back that I'm trying to show them up or get all of the attention for myself... but I'm not at all! I barely wear make up and try to wear loose fitting clothing all the time. I got disinvited to my friend's wedding when I lost 5 pounds.
People assume I am stupid as soon as they meet me and talk to me as if I am incapable of thought. I get a lot of patronizing smiles. My boss acts this exact way, and if I try to speak my mind or argue my side of something I am "acting like I'm better than everyone else."

But this is the part that no one talks about. If you're considered beautiful, you're not allowed to stand up for yourself or talk about issues you face in your life. Because if you do, you're being a show off, or "humble-bragging" or a b****. If you're beautiful, you're supposed to accept that that is the one thing in life that you have; so sit quietly and let the men stare at your chest and don't speak your mind because you don't have one.

So the result of all of this is, when my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful I snarl at him, because in every moment of my life people treat me like that is all I am good for. I obviously can't be smart, or funny, or loyal, or talented, or complex, or passionate, or loving, because I am beautiful, and that is all I am allowed to be.
anon123410 anon123410
26-30, F
2 Responses Aug 23, 2014

This is too true! If you're beautiful, that will be the only asset in your life that will truly matter. Oh, you want a great job? You want good friends? Supportive family members? A loving partner? Nah! You're beautiful, that's all you'll be given and shut your pie hole if you ever dare complain about it.

At least there is something really good about you...

Great post and honest a lot of us feel this way don't give up keep being the great you.