Mental Healthcare Was Built At The Corner Of Rock And Hard Place

So it begins. It's winter, and somehow I managed to totally forget that my depression goes off the deep end this time of year. So I stew and I stew, spiral and spiral, till finally it gets so bad I just HAVE to contact my psychiatrist. However, this point comes on a Wednesday, and my idiot psychiatrist only sees patients on Mondays. So I wait and I wait, and I suffer through the Thanksgiving holiday, until Monday rolls around. I call, absolutely begging for an appointment, only to be told that my psychiatrist is out this week. Does he have someone covering for him? No. Can I see one of the other psychiatrists in the office? No, it's against their policy. Oh, but if it gets really bad (as if it isn't already), call the psychiatric emergency services 24/7! Hooray, I am saved! I can't get enough privacy at work to make this phone call, though, so I wait until the end of the workday. Then, oh, yes, I can see one of their psychiatrists. But what's the point? They make it clear that because I already have a psychiatrist, their psychiatrists won't touch my medications. So I bawl for a couple of hours, staring at a razor blade. New medications usually take about four weeks to kick in anyway, so a week's delay in starting the process feels like an eternity. I finally manage to put it away the blade because I remembered something about ketamine being successfully used in clinical trials to treat depression QUICKLY. But alas, I can't really obtain it legally, and I can't obtain it illegally either because I have zero connections to the street drug trade. Okay, well, what's left? I hate cigarettes, even though they have helped me tremendously in the past. I finally settle for alcohol, even though I'm not much of a drinker, and lots of chocolate. Let's hope this somehow tides me over until my psychiatrist gets back. I've been seeing my therapist, but talking just isn't cutting it at this point...
whitedove712 whitedove712
26-30, F
Nov 26, 2012