Everything Changed In The blink Of An Eye

I was 6 months pregnant and teetering at the top of the stairs.I started to have severe pain in my back and left hip which made walking difficult. My excited puppy had run underneath my feet and caused me to trip the entire way down. Falls happen all the time. I would have to heal for a few weeks and then I would be fine. That's what they told me. That's what I told myself. I was on bed rest and a motorized wheelchair. A few weeks turned into a few months which turned into when the baby was born and on it went. It's been a year since I became injured and I haven't made much progress. I can barely walk. I cannot stand for long periods of time. Sitting in a normal position is awful. I cannot complete daily living activities by myself.

My fiance is a disabled war vet who served in Iraq twice. He has a bad back/shoulder injury. I was his caretaker. Now the roles had to reverse. Two disabled people trying to care for each other and two children is next to impossible. Our home and vehicle aren't handicapped accessible. Suddenly, nothing in my life was accessible.

I became a shell of "I was". I was a full time Montessori Preschool Teacher. I was someone who would run every single day. I was someone who was healthy, would go to the gym and lift weights. I was completing my last year of college. I was a Treatment Foster Care Parent for disadvantaged teens. I was involved in the community. I had dreams, tangible goals and was motivated. I had friends. I lost it all.

I begged friends and family to help us. I couldn't do laundry, cook or clean very well. I could barely lift my baby. No one did. One by one everyone acted like I didn't exist anymore. They would ignore me. They seemed annoyed I was hurt. We made plans for "when I get better." I don't know if there will ever be a "when I get better". That's when you get people telling you to just stay positive or chase around some new doctor. There has to be someway to fix you. You're just too young. I even had a nurse tell me, "If you are this bad now, what are you going to do when you are old?!!" That question has haunted me.

There are no programs for when you become disabled. I quickly learned how expensive it becomes. I already lost my entire income. How am I even suppose to afford equipment I need? I can't even afford Christmas this year. We are about to lose everything. No one wants to hire me. I can't go to half of my daughter's school functions. I can't afford a caregiver.

I am emotionally, physically and financially exhausted.

Gwenevieve Gwenevieve
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

A very moving story. What really makes the pill even more bitter, is the "friends" vanishing right when they are needed most.

I remember struggling into work one day when I could barely move or mobilise, due to pain and stiffness. The cold weather had totally seized up my joints. I was 25 at the time. One of my male colleagues said "look at the state of you now, what are you going to be like as an old man". Just like you, the words haunted me. As if i didn't have enough emotional torment to deal with already. The sad truth is, on some days i am overtaken by elderly people, who can walk faster than me, even though i am in my early 40's. It can be soul destroying. Of course, I see that things are looking bleaker at the moment for you, given that you need the use of a wheelchair.

To try and give some hope, I can say that I recently started using some techniques from a book called "yoga for the disabled" by Howard Kent. It has postures for both wheelchair and non-wheelchair users. It has only been a couple of weeks, but I must admit I have seen some small improvements to my flexibility. I hope that you can get a copy and have a read.

regards.

I will have to look into that.I think Yoga can be very powerful. I completely understand what it's like to see elderly people who have more mobility than you. I also hate how people treat me in public. I can't stand it. If you use a motorized cart, you get stares, people cut you off and tease you. When you try to use a walker to cross the street, people will literally get upset at how long you are taking and speed up, nearly hitting you. It kills me to see people get treated this way. We are still human beings after all. My mind is fully functional. I still have dreams, fears and can feel pain.