I Wiish I Was Normal Like Everyone Else

I became disabled after my son's birth. The doctors told me oh you'll get better. This is common for a woman. Well it didn't get better. I've had 2 surgeries for it. One of my doctors said another surgery probably would not help me. I'm getting reevaluated for disability. I know why they do it. So people would not fill out the papers. It automatically gives them reason to cut you off. I've been to the best doctors where I live.  I'm not like some people that try to cheat the system. I want them to send me to someone else. I want them to make me better. I want to get my life back! I want to be able to do the things I used to do. I want to do the things that I used to take for grantd. I want to be able to go back to work & not have to depend on the government. I don't want to deal with this the rest of my life!!!The 10 years I've dealt with this seems to me a lifetime. People might look at me and not see a disabilty. I have a hidden one that only my close family knows. They should know how difficult it is to me. Unfortunately even though they have some idea I try to not make it noticeable. They in turn sometimes forget i guess. They ask me to do things I am no longer able to do. Some people might even say my disabilty is  not a disabilty. I don't look disabled so there for I'm not. If only they could walk in my shoes for a day even a couple of hours they would change their mind right quick. Well the judge made the decision that I was so there for I am. It just makes me depressed that they send me this form like ha It got better in a year. Right!! June the 15th made me a different person in more ways than one. I have a son but now I have a disabilty to live with the rest of my life. I Hate BEING DISABLED! I HATE IT! I wish by some miracle I could become better. I wish it more than anything!! Sometimes I wonder why me? I know some people have even worse disabilities than me. I understand how you feel even though the circumstances are different. I understand that everyone who is disabled goes through this. I know I just had to get some of my feelings out because I rarely talk about it.

deleted deleted
3 Responses Mar 19, 2009

I became disabled while pregnant with my son. I have 3 physical therapists and nothing seems to help. I keep hoping maybe I will heal one day. I do not know how I will be able to handle this disability on top of trying to be a mother to two children. I feel angry and jealous at times of other people who are able to go to the park with their children or able to do a load of laundry with ease. My house is a wreck and I constantly feel overwhelmed. I am here if you ever need to talk.

I hate being disabled too. I can't understand spoken conversation anymore, chronic pain and multiple back, bowel, and bladder surgeries from a car wreck. I wish I had died. I lost everything else anyway.

Thank you for your honesty, and I hope you feel a bit better having told the world how you feel. I can really relate to what you're saying. Why you? Luck of the draw. <BR><BR>You can't not feel these feelings, but I'll bet you don't feel this way all the time. I hope not, for your sake. I guess some of us just have to accept that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Don't ever let anyone tell you that it's wrong to feel the way you do sometimes, but also, try not to "live there" in that mindset. have brighter days, and be thankful fo rthem.<BR><BR>Bless.<br />
<br />
Oh, and by the way, nobody is normal. Physically untroubled, perhaps, but we've all got sometyhing. Perhaps if more people understood that, those of us with glaringly obvious disabilities wouldn't be so uniformly pitied, ridiculed or rejected by the people we meet. Perhaps their disability is a terminal case of having no empathy and a black, black heart.