Lies By Omission

 Lies, I believe, are an indication that the liar doesn't care very much about the person they're lying to.....  and I consider with-holding of relevant information to be a lie by omission....  especially once a relationship has passed a certain point.  (ie you have a child together, are living together, are named as beneficiaries in each others' life insurance, have made a mutual agreement that if you're going to get involved with anyone else you will always talk about it, never keep it secret)  You're having sexy chats with someone else (on my computer, on an internet connection that I pay for)?  Fine with me....  as long as you TELL me!  You're sending sexy pics of yourself to your new friend and getting excited about making dates to skype when I'm out of the house so that you'll be able to say talk uninhibitedly?  Fine with me.....  as long as you TELL me!  You don't tell me, and I have to find out by myself?  Not a good look.  You promise that you'll be completely open and honest from now on, now that I've found out, but continue to lie and cover up? Just makes you look like a coward....  which is really not attractive. 

Just to clarify....  I have no objection to each person having privacy and autonomy within a relationship....  In fact I think that can be quite good, and it's been the norm for me in a number of previous relationships.  if you have a"don't ask, don't tell" agreement in a relationship about certain things - including involvement with others (on whatever level) , that can work too.  But if you've said that if I get involved with someone else, you would definitely want and expect me to tell you, and you've said that you would never want to be involved with someone else without my knowledge, and that you don't want the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.....

ah, I suppose I will be struggling to understand this for a long while to come.

koneko66 koneko66
41-45, F
May 12, 2012