It's Worse Than Cheating

Boy have I got a story for this one....
    So my ex and I got back together after a brief break-up. I didn't ask him what he had done, but I had been contacted by another girl while we were broken up, because she was annoyed that I was calling.
    Hanging out with him, she would call him over and over. I just left, because I wasn't going to stand for the disrespect he was showing to me or to her.
    He made a point to tell me, without asking, that he had never done anything with her, ever. Whatever, I didn't ask, we weren't together.
    Fast forward. We had plans to go out. I call him, he sounded tired and I was tired, so we decided maybe not to. I stayed at my dad's to visit for a while longer and decided to stop by (ex)'s house on the way home to drop something off.
    Well, he wasn't there and didn't answer the phone.
    Next morning, tells me he conked out and that's why he didn't answer, so I asked where his car had gone off to on its own.
    Here's where he confessed that a friend had called him after he had talked to me and because he hadn't seen this friend in a long time, they went out.
    Okay, I would have understood that. No problem. I took this opportunity to tell him how important it is that he not lie to me, and understand how seriously I take lying for a lot of reasons. I made sure he knew.
    Fast forward a week. I see incriminating text messages relating to stupid girl he hung out with while we were broken up. He makes up a story, that I decided to believe. Fast forward one more week. She shows up at his house.
    Needless to say, it came out that he slept with her while we were apart, and maintained it didn't matter that he had lied about it because it was none of my business to begin with so he shouldn't have had to lie, so it didn't count.
    Thank god we weren't together, and my heart goes out to anyone that has ever been cheated on. But those who have been through it know that the only thing worse than being betrayed is being lied to about it, and having to find out on your own or from anyone other than the significant other about the betrayal.
    Cheating happens. It sucks, but bad things happen. I think a person needs to have the strength to come clean about it. If I know a person would never lie to me about it, I think we could make it okay.
    This probably sounds crazy coming from a woman, but I think cheating can be worked out, I really do. I think it presents a problem, and if the underlying problem can be fixed, I think people can move on from the hurt. The true insecurity lies in the past where a person fears that something is going on that they have no insight or control on, and that is terrifying. I would never be afraid of the cheating if I knew that if something like that happened, my significant other would be strong enough to tell me about it.
    Is that too much to ask? Do I sound like a crazy person? I think it's despicable to think you can break that intimate level of trust and faith you have with someone that you're the only place they're dippin' the stick, so to speak, because that is quite the intrusion to learn that things are going on within your own body that you had no knowledge or control over. That is the biggest betrayal, and the most horrible realization.
    That, and I don't like people taking me for a ******* idiot. I'm sorry, but I'm just not that clueless. Even though it made me sick to my stomach, when he admitted that he had slept with her, I felt the most enormous sense of relief. My intuition is one of my most powerful tools, and I had been fighting it for weeks. It wreaked havoc on my insides and I almost made myself sick thinking about it. He would tell me I was thinking about it too much when I would confess that things just didn't add up in my head.
    I would tell him "there's something I don't know." He would ask me what it was, and I would simply respond, "If I knew what you weren't telling me, it wouldn't bother me so much."
    That's my final stand. I won't ever trust anyone before I trust myself, especially because once you're strong enough to lay aside insecurities and paranoia, and your insides still tell you something isn't right please PLEASE trust what your eyes can't see and your heart can...

Love, Fred
KarmaFred KarmaFred
18-21, F
2 Responses May 18, 2007

It's not too much to ask that someone be blunt under those kinds of circumstance. Especially if they weren't even with you at the time. I can understand not bringing it up but once it's out in the open and someone confronts you... only a poser would be that weak they denied it.

Very well said. Same kind of thing happened to me once. Unfortunately I didn't take it nearly as well as you did...I admire your strength and positive attitude.