I Hate Being Lied to
I absolutely, positively, despise lies and deceit! I would love to say it does not matter WHO lies to me, but in all honesty it does. I have had, and do have, co-workers, strangers, etc., who can and will lie to me or to others around me. I hate it. I cannot stand it. It ****** me off. HOWEVER, to have a spouse who evidently does not give it a second though royally ****** me off!
I began with little lies, not wanting to admit stuff. Now, it has graduated to lying about more serious matters. This is bad enough. The worst? Is when he tangles himself up in his own lies and gets caught in them, he blames me?!?!?! Well....I am not willing to accept the blame. I stand up for myself, make no apologies to him for catching him in his own words. I have stated for years...YEARS...that when he tells me any lie, it destroys trust. Simple..IT DESTROYS TRUST! For me, the more trust is damaged and the destroyed, the longer it takes to build it back.
It came very close to destroying our marriage a very short while ago. Then, it started again. He knows the lying played about a 90% role in what I considered our problem. When we had seemingly worked things through, I once again heard the same fricking promises I had heard before, and believed them. Yes, my fault, I believed them. When he started again, I told him my feelings, and the whole scenario of promises made, only to be broken began again. They came closer together.
I am furious! I am furious with him, and with myself. My BS monitor is off the charts. I have told him the pain it brings, like acid poured into an open wound. My voice is tight, my stress level is beyond belief, it is effecting me in every way, shape, and form. His response to all of this is to say "put the past behind us, I will never do it again!". Well, pardon me for not believing!
All of this being said, I also need to say if I did not love him, and sincerely want to be able to work through this, I WOULDN'T CARE!!!! The damn thing is, he does not understand why I am still bothered. Why I don't believe him when he says "well, I am telling you the truth NOW!" My gut tells me what to believe and what not to believe, and my gut is much more reliable than his words.
I don't think he has cheated, but then again, with the lies continuing (more right before I write this....four different stories in a little over a week of time about the same incident) how the hell am I supposed to believe it? I love him, want to work it out, but have had it with the lies. I know I do not want our marriage to end, but I also know I deserve a spouse who is honest and truthful all the time.
There are many different forms of lies. Outright lies, lies by omission (tell ya part, but not everything, or if They don't know, then DAMN I got away with it), and the "when you ask a question, I will rephrase it so I can answer only as much of it as I can without you knowing the rest. All are just as harmful to a relationship.
I am not a young teenager who does not know better. I am pissed at myself for believing and pissed at myself for letting it affect me as I have let it. I am tired of the stress, tired of the aching muscles for being so uptight, tired of the headaches, and tired of the missed sleep. I am at the end of my rope, and am holding on to frayed edges waiting
I began with little lies, not wanting to admit stuff. Now, it has graduated to lying about more serious matters. This is bad enough. The worst? Is when he tangles himself up in his own lies and gets caught in them, he blames me?!?!?! Well....I am not willing to accept the blame. I stand up for myself, make no apologies to him for catching him in his own words. I have stated for years...YEARS...that when he tells me any lie, it destroys trust. Simple..IT DESTROYS TRUST! For me, the more trust is damaged and the destroyed, the longer it takes to build it back.
It came very close to destroying our marriage a very short while ago. Then, it started again. He knows the lying played about a 90% role in what I considered our problem. When we had seemingly worked things through, I once again heard the same fricking promises I had heard before, and believed them. Yes, my fault, I believed them. When he started again, I told him my feelings, and the whole scenario of promises made, only to be broken began again. They came closer together.
I am furious! I am furious with him, and with myself. My BS monitor is off the charts. I have told him the pain it brings, like acid poured into an open wound. My voice is tight, my stress level is beyond belief, it is effecting me in every way, shape, and form. His response to all of this is to say "put the past behind us, I will never do it again!". Well, pardon me for not believing!
All of this being said, I also need to say if I did not love him, and sincerely want to be able to work through this, I WOULDN'T CARE!!!! The damn thing is, he does not understand why I am still bothered. Why I don't believe him when he says "well, I am telling you the truth NOW!" My gut tells me what to believe and what not to believe, and my gut is much more reliable than his words.
I don't think he has cheated, but then again, with the lies continuing (more right before I write this....four different stories in a little over a week of time about the same incident) how the hell am I supposed to believe it? I love him, want to work it out, but have had it with the lies. I know I do not want our marriage to end, but I also know I deserve a spouse who is honest and truthful all the time.
There are many different forms of lies. Outright lies, lies by omission (tell ya part, but not everything, or if They don't know, then DAMN I got away with it), and the "when you ask a question, I will rephrase it so I can answer only as much of it as I can without you knowing the rest. All are just as harmful to a relationship.
I am not a young teenager who does not know better. I am pissed at myself for believing and pissed at myself for letting it affect me as I have let it. I am tired of the stress, tired of the aching muscles for being so uptight, tired of the headaches, and tired of the missed sleep. I am at the end of my rope, and am holding on to frayed edges waiting
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