It's the worst feeling in the world to watch someone you've given years of your life too, walk out the door saying theyre going to go run some errands but finding out they've been out cheating on you. I've asked myself time and time again what else could I be doing to satisfy or make this person happy with me ... Even asking him that same question .... All I ever get is a " your're amazing " or " there's nothing going on" and a bunch of sweet talk to distract me . I think the worst part was finding out three days after we got married.
cate86 cate86
31-35, F
4 Responses Aug 15, 2014

I believe you have known the problem was there a log time. you need to be direct with problems and things that scare you. its really hard to do that, but it is really a more healthy thing to do.

I do not know you. But I promise you that you are better than that. You need to love you more. As long as you accept this there will be no change. Without knowing you at all I would encourage you to leave him immediately, and by immediately, I mean now, tonight. And just as quickly you should file for a divorce. This presumes that you know for a fact that the infidelity exists.

If you really love him this really is your best course of action . I promise you, you will have his undivided attention. If he loves you, and indeed he may love you very much, he's just doing what he's always done because in his mind he is hurting no one. But if he does love you, then he will need to woo you to get you back. And you should make him work for that.

But if he does not love you, then you really don't want to hold onto a false hope. In the end you will be much better for leaving.

I also promise that if you continue to do nothing, you really are silently giving your permission for him to continue to do as he does. And I'll end with that with which I started. You are much better than that.

I wish for you the very, very best.

Thanks ... He says he wants to stay together and he won't do it again .... That he wants to make me happy It's horrible how much he confuses me .... I don't think I can ever be happy with him after all this

I really hate to sound as if I am cold and uncaring, I'm really not. I would encourage you to look deeply into YOUR response to my first post. Your answer is found in your own words.

You deserve to be happy. When I consider your age, you could be my daughter. My heart goes out to you. If I could leave him for you I would, but you know it don't work that way.

Remember this. You did not fail him. He failed you. When it comes to infidelity, there's no such thing as blaming your spouse for you inability to remain faithful. If a spouse cheats, he or she does that all on there on. Yes, HE failed you. And as I've said, you are better than that.

I really do wish you great happiness. And it's there for you. You just have to take it. I hope you do.

And then finding out he cheated again right before our first anniversary

Major ouch